August | 2007 | 7aki Fadi

Remainder of a Life

Posted on August 31, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

If I were told: By evening you will die.

So what will you do until then?

I would look at my wristwatch,

I’d drink a glass of juice

bite an apple,

contemplate at length an ant that has found it’s food,

Then look at my wristwatch.

There’d be time left to shave my beard

and dive in a bath, obsess:

“There must be an adornment for writing,

so let it be a blue garment.”

I’d sit until noon alive at my desk

but wouldn’t see the trace of color in the words,

white, white, white …

I’d prepare my last lunch

pour wine in two glasses: One for me

and one for the one who will come without appointment,

then I’d take a nap between two dreams.

But my snoring would wake me …

so I’d look at my wristwatch:

and there’d be time for reading.

I’d read a chapter in Dante and half of a mu’allaqah

and see how my life goes from me

to the others, but I wouldn’t ask who

would fill what’s missing in it.

That’s it, then?

That’s it, that’s it.

Then what?

Then I’d comb my hair and throw away the poem …

this poem, in the trash,

and put the latest fashion in Italian shirts,

parade myself in an entourage of Spanish violins,

and walk to the grave!

- Mahmoud Darwish, a Palestinian, is one of the most prominent poets writing in Arabic today. Fady Joudah is a physician, a poet and the translator of The Butterfly’s Burden, which compiles three full volumes of the Darwish’s recent works.

Filed under: art, Fadi Joudah, Mahmoud Darwish, Poem, Poetry, Thought Provoking | 10 Comments »

Did you smell that?

Posted on August 27, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

I have been tagged by Verbal Alchemy to list 5 scents i love so what the heck, why not!

1) I love the smell of book stores, we used to own a book store in Amman and I always remember how the store smelled like when we opened it first thing in the morning, the smell of new paper and magazines and stationary is just great!

2) I love the smell of some permanent markers, lol, my God I can’t get enough.

3) When you fry garlic with coriander ( kuzbara ) . Smells amazing, no? that smell when Mom makes the ti2layeh for mlukhieh , OMG so good…oh and the smell of when you melt butter on the stove. Good food smells good especially if I didn’t have to slave over it and cook it . I want my mommy .

4) Wood smells nice. When we first moved to our house and we got all this new wooden furniture and wooden kitchen cabinets it smelled really nice

5) The smell of the inside of a new car, be it the new leather or the smell of what ever it is that makes the smell nice. Did you know that some car companies actually work on the new car smell because they found out that the better the new car smell is the more cars they would sell and they experimented with different new car smells to sell more cars? Crazy isn’t it?

I tag Kinzi , KJ and Hamza

Filed under: Tag | 11 Comments »

On Going Commando, dating an Arab man and much more

Posted on August 24, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

In this post I asked people to ask me any questions they like and I think that was my first mistake …lol.. but here goes, fare is fare I said ask me anything and I said I will answer:

1) Davagy asked: What do you think about a non-Arab girl dating an Arab guy? What kind of reactions should I expect if I go to Jordan to visit his family and friends???

Are you out of your mind dating an Arab guy??? lol … just kidding ..(for real I am kidding before someone jumps on my throat).

There are 2 things that effect how the family will react to you:

a) Religion.

Are you the same religion? Because this could make things easier in terms of the family reaction. I think in most cases the parents look the other way when their son is dating a non Arab and they will be nice to her and treat her well, But once it becomes serious and there is talk of marriage then it might get a bit difficult for the couple if they are not of the same religion.

b) Is the family conservative?

If they are they might have a problem with the whole concept of dating be it Arab or not. But from the all the people I know (the Arab guys who married or dated a non Arab) the family was nice and welcoming

2) Bob asked: why some people choose not to wear underwear. It doesn’t take a lot of effort – a few seconds in the morning and it doesn’t need to be ironed. Its not uncomfortable – there are no sharp objects or belts involved. So 7aki Fadi, why do some people go commando? What are they trying to prove?

Allah la ywatrezlak ya Bob 3ala haik su2al.

here are my answers:

a) To save money, cos you know underwear is excpensive these days so maybe they would rather spend the 6 dollars (average price of a decent pair) to have a beer or something

b) To save the environment. Because when you wear underwear you need to wash it , this means more water consumption and also more lanudry detergent that goes in our already dirty lakes

c) To save time. In the morning you have to pick a pair and wear it so that takes like what? 2 minutes? so lets say you live to be 70, that’s 25550 days multiplied by 2 = 51100 minutes which is 35 days, for real you can do alot in 35 days

d) And last but not least because they are sluts and perverts … LOL

3) Maioush wants to know the craziest thing I have done.

OK I am certifiably crazy so anything I do that seems normal to me might appear a bit crazy to other people .. lol .

I guess skydiving would be the craziest? Cos scuba diving is not that crazy I guess although it’s an extreme sport.

The latest crazy thing I did was on my last vacation . A girl I met on my vacation took me to this little pool at the spa (it looks like a Jacuzzi but it isn’t) that had ICE COLD water , it was zero degrees or below zero, BRRRRRRRRRR and she said, I dare you to go in, . There was a couple who were standing there and debating to go in or not. I think the woman managed to dip her toes in the water.. COWARDS I tell yah!

Of course I went in!! The adrenaline rush was AOWSOME, super cold then go in the normal pool and you feel you are in a Jacuzzi , it was Liberating and you feel tingly all over.

Oh, and I did it twice after cos I liked it the first time … hehehe

OK enough bragging

4) Maher asked: if they told you that you have a chance to meet a fellow blogger. who would that be?

Yeeee 3ala ili7raj 3ad, biddak shiklak itmashkilni (one word Awkwaaaaaaaaard)

Here are the bloggers I would like to meet in random order:

Roba, Hal, Whosane, Bambam, Muhannad ,Naseem ,Maioush Kinzi , Sam and Proud Pali …I have to admit that these are my faves.

But honestly, there’s alot more that I would like to meet but these are the ones that come to mind.

I guess that’s it for questions.

5) For the other requests: Qwiader, Ahmad and GlobalOrama stay tuned for future posts

And oh, Hamza: I am going to ignore you :p

Filed under: you've got mail | 18 Comments »

7aki , William and Bob revealed!

Posted on August 23, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

This is how Bob, William and I look like.

This is the Bob man slave driving people at work while he reads my blog everyday (hehehehe, it’s actually the other way around, people drive him crazy).

William wearing his Indiana Jones hat but in black. And the tie, he wears it EVERYDAY.

Me chillin listining to my IPod

Filed under: 7aki revealed, Bob, william | 12 Comments »

Would you be my muse?

Posted on August 21, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

I am suffering from a dry spell and have NOTHING to talk about, can you believe that? I can’t even come up with ANY 7aki fadi, I mean, it’s not that I blog about important stuff ya3ni .. hehehe.

How does Naseem or Robz do it???? Tell me guys what is your secret? Can I borrow your muse for a couple of days?

So dear bloggers (and non bloggers) I need you to be my muse.

Tell me, watcha doin?

What do you want me to blog about?

What do you want me to tell you, ask me a question and I’ll answer it, anything, 3anjad, like for example, what’s my favourite meal, or or what I do as soon as I wake up in the morning or or if I prefer Boxers or briefs…LOL. Or or what movies or books I like, or my opnion about anything..or or what is my first memmory as a child ?

Do you need relationship advice?

You get the idea. Anything!

So shoot, I am listening.

Filed under: me me me, ramble, random | 14 Comments »

What happened to Abu Shreek?

Posted on August 19, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

It has been 4 months since his last post and I check his blog everyday in the hope of his return just to be disappointed.

His blog was the first blog I read and the first to favorite.

So what do you think happened to Abu Shreek? Do you think he quit forever?

I hope not!

Abu Shreek. Come back.

Filed under: Have no clue how to categorize this | 3 Comments »

Are you a genius? Decrypt this.(Updated)

Posted on August 16, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

You have to work out what the letters mean. See No 0 as an example.

According to MENSA, if you get 23 of these, you are a “genius”.

Only 2 MENSA members achieved full marks. See how well you do. So give it a shot, leave me your answer and I’ll score it.

And no cheating, I mean what’s the fun in that?

if you can’t see the image please click here

Or click this link to take the quiz online (Thanks Pheras for the link )

I will post the answers later.

Update : The Answers

Filed under: quiz | 37 Comments »

Grandfather 7aki

Posted on August 14, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

My Grandfather , God rest his soul, was an amazing man, born 1924 – 1994 .

He used to always sit me down on his lap and tell me how special I was, that I will grow up and become a beautiful woman, an actress a singer a superstar (Well I have a desk job .. lol.. but thanks Granddad for believing in me ), always looks into my eyes and tells me “nobody knows how special you are but I know”, until this day his words stay with me and I think about how his words changed me without me knowing, how they made me feel special and loved.

My mom told me how her family wanted to arrange for her to marry her cousin, so when she was about to finish school she stood up to the whole family and she told them “ I am not going to marry him, he is like a brother to me”, her aunt wouldn’t talk to her, her uncle, even my grandmother wouldn’t talk to her and the whole family was upset, except for granddad, he would tell my mom “ Nobody in this world will force you to marry someone you don’t want to marry, I am here for you so don’t worry” and he stood to his older brother and the whole family.

I remember when he used to come and visit, he would tell my mom “Can you make me some steak and pasta? I am tired of tabeekh (My Grandmothers usual classic dishes), I need something different”, then he would eat the food with a knife and fork dressed up in his suit, he always wore a suit, he never went out of the house without wearing his suit.

He would come visit always bearing gifts, the cheapest chocolates on the planet that we used to love, do you remember this chocolate bar that had a silver and blue wrapper? When you rub the rapper with your hands the silver comes off on the palm of your hands and your hands glitter? Did anybody do that too? (Just the thought of this wrapper gives my nightmares, how unhealthy is that?) A box of marbles or just simply some terrible tasting candy most probably really old .

He used to wear woollen knitted ties, I have never seen a man in my life except Granddad wear a knitted tie, lol, oh I miss him so much.

He was a funny man too, my grandma has a short temper so he used to rile her up, she would start yelling at him and as soon as she turns her back to him to leave the room he would start laughing silently and give the grandkids a laugh. He pushed her buttons just to have some fun … lol.

He bought a lottery ticket every week of his life in the hope of winning and buying his four sons and his only daughter a house.

He was quirky, one time he was in the middle of prayer , my moms cousin entered the house , he had done something inappropriate the day before and my grandfather kicked him out of the house and told him not to come to the house again, so enters moms cousin and all of a sudden my grandpa interrupted his prayer, piked up a “shibshib” (slipper) and he flung it at Moms cousin and told him to ” get out” then as if nothing happened he continued to pray, ta7sheesh my Grandpa.

He was adamant that smoking does now ruin fasting so during Ramadan he smoked a pack a day and did not eat or drink anything … I have no clue who he sited as his source that smoking is OK while fasting.

He was bald and until the day he died he kept trying all those remedies to grow his hair back … his head was sooooo smooth there was not even a hair follicle that was capable of producing hair but he still put that cream on his head twice a day everyday.

I admire my grandfather’s hope, he always had hope and he always believed and he never stopped dreaming. He even used to go treasure hunting with his friends, he never found a treasure but never stopped.

One day he woke up from a nap and he told my mom that some people visited him, a group of people all dressed in white, they told him to come with them. That night he passed away peacefully in his sleep.

If I can bring a person back it would be my grandfather, when he passed away I had just finished tawjeehy and I wanted to talk to him, to ask for advice, to ask him so many questions and I wanted him to tell me so many stories.

I wanted to hear more stories of how it was like to be a general in the Palestinian Army.

I wanted to ask him more about how Haifa was.

I wanted to ask him about how was it to be a fida2y and how he fought against the Israeli army.

I want to ask him about how it was like to be exiled because of his political activities. Was it hard to be away from family? How did he feel when he was pardoned and came back?

I wanted him to tell me the story about how he used to be so jealous of other men looking at my grandma because she was so beautiful.

I want more.

I miss him dearly.

Filed under: Childhood Memories, family | 17 Comments »

Welcome to my new place!

Posted on August 11, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

Since I started contributing to arabexpats I started thinking about moving to wordpress. It has a lot of cool widgets , has a nice look and feel and also has more control.

I have been working on this for a while so I hope you like it more than the old blog . I think the old one was “khanshoor”.

But I am going to miss my old blog , just a little bit.

So do you like it? do you? do you?

Filed under: new home | 28 Comments »

SOMEONE HAS BEEN IMPERSONATING ME AND HAS BEEN COMMENTING ON OTHER PEOPLE’S BLOGS

Posted on August 9, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

Hi Everyone.

I would like to bring to your attention that someone has been leaving comments on other people blogs pretending to be me.

That person is using a profile that looks identical to my blogger one making the comments look legitimate. But it’s not me commenting.

If you see a suspicious comment please let me know. It is very easy to impersonate someone.

Thanks Summer for bringing this to my attention.

A note to the person doing this: Shame on you.

Filed under: IMPERSONATING ME | 19 Comments »

Parasailing, Snorkling with the Sharks and the Rays and Scuba- diving …YIKES!

Posted on August 8, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

First of all I like to thank you Bob and William for the outstanding job you did blogging. Good job guys! I really think you should start blogging .. for real.. I am still amazed at how William managed to understand what “Vitamin W” was, man you are a genius ..lol.

Second I had a GREAT time on my vacation …. Great great great time .

The drinking , the laying by the pool and at the beach , the not doing ANYTHING (I mean ANYTHING) that is constructive or good for humanity (as if I do any of that anyway … lol ) but we got to do pretty cool stuff too .

This is the schedule of a typical day on our vacation:

9:30: Waking up and TRYING to rush to make it to the breakfast buffet that closed at 10:15 but ending up being slow and lazy anyway and never making it and getting kicked out of the buffet cos we get there at 10:14 EVERYTIME … lol .. so we end up going to the other buffet that did not serve eggs and have bread and cheese only for breakfast .. If I ever see cheese again I will hurl .. lol

10:45 : Go sit by the pool and do NOTHING … seriously!

But believe me to do nothing is an art .. it is .. OMG like you are even lazy to get out of the pool sometimes and go back to your lounging chair … they even have a guy who goes around and asks you what you want to drink so you don’t have to walk 10 steps to get a drink … LOL … for real .. gosh … I betcha the people who work at resorts hate the tourists guts cos they feel that they are a bunch of glutinous lazy people … heheheh

11:00 : do nothing but sit by the pool

12:00 : do nothing but sit by the pool

1:00: do nothing … LOL you get the picture

But I did read 2 books by the pool and we got to meet a bunch of cool people which makes it easier to sit and do nothing because you chat about this and that and about how the Dominican people use the phrase “cheapy cheapy” a lot … LOL

My Husband and I got to go parasailing which was amazing because they leave you up there for a good while , like maybe 5 – 10 minutes! They took a lot of pictures with us up there.

Then on another day we went snorkeling with the Manta Rays and the Nurse Sharks on a half day trip, now that was AMAZING , to be soooo close to the Sharks. But whenever a Ray came close I could not help but stare at it’s tail/stinger and remember Steve Irwin.

Also on that trip they took us to a natural sea pool which is a shallow water pool in the middle of the sea that is amazing… how do these pools form? Inno you are in the middle of the deep ocean and then there’s a shallow pool? Pretty cool!

Then I went scuba diving and it was AMAZING, I got to see some beautiful Corals and fish .. Mind you NOTHING compares to the Red sea! All the divers were envious cos I trained there and did all my diving there and they said how pampered I was cos it’s the best place to dive EVER … so TAKE ADVANTAGE OF AQABA PEOPLE!!!!!

I only got to do it once because I tried to go scuba diving in the middle of my trip but the sea was choppy for a couple of days so they cancelled all the dives and then the third day they did not have enough people to go for that dive so I ended up diving only once on the day before we had to leave , so I was a bit disappointed cos I wanted to go more than once and I did not get the chance … but never the less the dive was pretty cool.

Some Hilarious stuff that happened on the trip:

1) The lack of the English language skills (everybody and their dog only spoke Spanish)

Ta7sheesh the menus there wallah, examples:
- Shrimp with Galwic .. which is Garlic
- Sea Fruit Rice ( which is sea food rice)
- Food of the see … ma2saaaaaah
- Creeps … LOL LOL .. which is Crepes , can I have two creeps please ? HAHAHAHAHAHHA
and the list goes on and on I can’t remember cos it felt like everything was misspelled

2) Until now it is a mystery to all the Americans and the Canadians we met to why does the local MC/DJ for the night show kept saying “Mississippi, it’s show time” and kept saying “Mickey Mouse” all the time ..lol .. by the way, my husband wanted to kill him on many occasions because he was too annoying … like you have a mic, why are you shouting in it??? ..lol

3) OK this is tooooooo funny, We went to the Japanese restaurant which was ..get this.. was serving chinese food and was playing Arabic Music … HAHHAHAHHAAHAHAH wallahy. It was toooooo funny .. they thought Arabic music was Chinese and that Chinese food was Japanese, Hubs and I could not stop laughing when we ate there.

4)We wanted to buy Cigars from a local guy (who turned out to be from Haiti who spoke English and French and not a lot of Spanish, now how confusing is that??) so my Husband and I spoke some Arabic and I was telling him,” hadol ilcigars kteeeeeer ghalieen” (these cigars are too expensive), so the guy was like , “what is this language, where are you from?” so I said “we are Canadian”, he said “so is this English? I don’t think this is English”, we told him “it is Arabic”, he was super confused, so he said you “speak English and this language ( he could not even remeber how to say Arabic) in Canada?” I said , “no, we speak English and French in Canada but my husband and I speak Arabic.” So he had noooooo clue what an Arab was, or what Arabic is or anything … I do not think Arabs exist to people living in the Caribbean lol.

5) Husband and I could not but make fun of people so these are some nick names we gave some people:
- Cranium .. lol … this guy had the biggest head on the planet
- Alragul alakhdar (The green man or the Hulk)this guy was so pale white to the point he looked green
- booby girl, this woman was playing a game by the pool and by accident her boob was hanging out for a good amount of time that she got stuck with this name…lol.. she was super popular with all the men after this incident .. hahahaha.

This is enough for now I will fill you in with other stuff later, if I feel like it .

Random stuff:
- I missed you guys. I really did , I remember Bambam once said that he felt silly that he missed ” my Online buddies in which the main interaction I have with them is through the web” Well I missed you guys too.

- I also remember Naseems post about the challenge of unplugging, about if you can completely unplug from everything for 2 days? Well I did and for 10 days, I have not browsed one webpage, talked on the phone (except with my daughter ) or facebooked or sent SMS messages and I tell you something, it felt GREAT .. it really did. Kinda made me less addicted to blogging? maybe?? Or maybe not we’ll see

Anyhooooooooooo

OH OH OH I almost forgot … I have a WICKED tan … like OMG soooooooooooooooooooooo nice

OH OH OH OH my husbands tan is so dark now that when we are walking in the dark I ask him to smile cos i can’t see him otherwise …HAHAHAHAHAHHA..but I think the joke is getting old cos he does not laugh anymore when I ask him to smile ..LOL .. ya3ni ana baradet wish il3aaaaaadeh.

Filed under: manta rays, parasailing, scuba diving, sharks, vacation | 22 Comments »

Munchausens By Proxy

Posted on August 3, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

(A contribution by William)

Latest Topper sighting:

Bob and I just got back from a relatively short meeting, where Topper was one of the five participants. One of the others (Joe Black’s manager, as it happens), spent the entire meeting standing at the doorway, occasionally looking down the hallway.

At the end of the meeting, as we were leaving, he explained that he was just waiting for his six year old daughter to come out of the bathroom, so that he could use his ID to let her back into the secured office area. (He had brought her to work for the day.) Just so you understand: He wasn’t concerned for her safety (the bathroom itself was located within a secure area), he just wanted to save her the trouble of coming down to the meeting room to let him know that she was ready to go back to his office.

Without missing a beat, Topper said, “It’s good that you are watching out for her. When Topper Jr. was 5, my mother-in-law and I were travelling with him through Chicago’s O’Hare Airport, and he had gone into the bathroom. When he didn’t come out after several minutes, we were worried. We asked someone else to check for him, but there was no response. Security locked down the entire airport, and then eventually I was permitted to go into the bathroom. It turns out that he was okay, he just hadn’t wanted to answer when a stranger called him by name.”

As a parent myself, I have mixed reactions to this (assuming, of course, that there is even a shred of truth to the story):

It is good that the kid knew not to talk to strangers.

It is idiotic that she would send a five-year old into the bathroom by himself at a major airport. (Take him to the women’s bathroom, for [deity]‘s sake!)

It is ludicrous to believe that security would have shut down the airport as a first step, and only then would have let her go into the men’s bathroom as a follow-up.

And finally, how did “I’m waiting to let my daughter back into the office” inspire a “My son and I caused a code-red kidnapping scare twenty years ago” story? Isn’t that completely out of proportion? And why would she want anyone else to know this?

You can’t make this stuff up! (Or, at least, we can’t. Her, I’m not so sure about . . .)

Filed under: co-workers, overkill, topper, William says | 2 Comments »

You Got Very Important Mail

Posted on August 3, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

(A contribution by Bob )

Topper (see earlier 7aki posts) is a topic of conversation for many reasons:

1. For being a topper (anything you can do she has done better)
2. Excuses for not showing up to work (“Would you believe . . .”)
3. Less than 55% attendence record (and dropping!)
4. Generosity (continually keeps a communal candy bowl full, takes her “favourites” out for dinner, etc.)
5. High salary (it would make you sick)
6. Job responsibility etc (we used to know, but now it’s a mystery)

But today, Topper surprised us. We had a meeting where all senior management was attending, but Topper did not come to the meeting. Toppers’s excuse: ‘I’m waiting for an email”.

The entire management team was at the meeting – so we know Topper is not waiting for an email from any member of the senior management team.

We have already established that we do not know what Topper actually does on our team (point #6 above). Topper is rarely present at work (see point #3 above) and has tons of excuses (see point #2 above) but now Topper is not here when she is here . . .

So I’m asking 7aki readers, what email could Topper be waiting for?

By the way (for all of you who have asked or wondered): yes, a substantial amount of work does get done at our place of business, much of it coordinated and carried out by Bob, William and 7aki. We just need a place to vent our frustrations over some of what goes on, and this is that place. If we didn’t have this outlet, you might be hearing about it on the evening news instead . . .

Filed under: Bob, Bob says, topper | 5 Comments »

The Beginning of the end . . .

Posted on August 2, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

(A contribution by Bob)

7aki Fadi is now off the grid and is probably sipping a few adult beverages, soaking in the sun and regretting that she has left William and I in charge. I need to blog something because 7aki Fadi (crazie bssh!!) will declare a fatwa on me, if l don’t, so here are some random musings:

Laugh Track
There is a guy at work that ends all his sentences with a laugh. You can have a conversation with this guy on any topic (death, famine, poverty etc) and he will laugh at the end of each sentence he speaks. Its usually a short nervous laugh but a laugh nonetheless. I’m thinking we should have a contest at work to see who CANNOT make him laugh. I bet no one would win. Sample dialogue:

Laugh guy: Hi Bob…hahahahaha
Bob: Hey, hows it going?
Laugh guy: I’m doing good…hahahaha. I saw “Leaving Las Vegas” on the weekend…hahahah. It was sad…hahahaha
Bob: Wasn’t that a depressing movie?
Laugh guy: Yeah it was….hahaha. Did l give the impression it wasn’t…hahaha
Bob: No.

Door-man
I was walk into the building at work, when l had the usual dilemma: Is the person behind me far back enough that l’m not expected to hold the door or are they close enough that l have to wait? I never know what to do. l’m probably the only person in the world who stress level increases when they see a door. I now find myself speed walking to the door so that l have created enough distance, and l don’t feel guiltu about not holding the door.

Keeping minutes losing hours
On the minutes a recent meeting l attended, I noticed that my name appeared second-last in the list of attendees. The list of attendees wasn’t alphabetical, by height or by any other discernible measure. That means that the person typing the minutes consciously thought of me second last. Why does that bother me? And should I feel superior to the person who was last?

Perception is nine tenths of the law
Last Satuday was beautiful. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and l was relaxing on the couch. In my wife’s eyes, this means we are NOT doing “something” and we have to do “something”. So we pack up and go to the park to have a picnic, where l proceed to do exactly the same – l laid on my picnic blanket the whole afternoon. Yet my wife now thinks we are doing ‘something”. Go figure.

Meet Joe Black
William has already posted about the exploits of Joe Black, but l just want to added my own comments. Joe now rides his bike to work everyday, so when he arrives at work, he is sweaty and smelly and doesn’t shower – just changes his clothes. I’m waiting for Joe to call the bicycle store to ask for a full refund anyday now. Joe also asked a female coworker to help him shop of lingerie – and she agreed (crazie bssh).

Iron Man and Wonder Woman sick?

We have two colleagues who never miss work: over the past 2 years, “Iron Man” and “Wonder Woman” have called in sick for work exactly zero times (at least that’s what l remember). Yet this past week, Iron Man called in sick on Monday and Wonder Woman on Tuesday.
What are the odds? That’s like being struck by lightining twice or winning the lottery twice. I think the SuperFriends had big party weekend at the Hall of Justice and they had one too many tequila shots.Favourite Words
Michael Cuss
Ball Sweat
Chesticles
Fat f**k
Mofo
Man boobs
Zhang!

Filed under: Bob, Bob says, life Bob rambling | 8 Comments »

Phenomenal Cosmic Power . . . itty-bitty writing space

Posted on August 2, 2007 by 7aki Fadi

(A contribution by William)

Well, we’ve reached the half-way point of guest-blogging, and no one is dead yet. You’ve already heard from me once, and Bob will be posting his words of wisdom later this morning. I’m starting to get the hang of comment moderation. (“Where did no_angel’s other comment go? I thought I approved it! Oh wait, it was attached to the previous post. Whew!”)

But there is one comment I haven’t yet published or deleted, because I know 7aki will want to see it. It’s from the “pen pal” she has mentioned before, although I suppose it is more of a “poison pen pal”. It seemed like gibberish at first (“7aki called the person what?”), but I have read more of the comments from earlier posts, and found the one in question.

What cracks me up is that this person feels that he/she/it has been wronged by 7aki refusing to publish the offending comments (which are always signed “Anonymous”, by the way), and is threatening to bring legal action if she doesn’t apologize for calling “Anonymous” something unpleasant. I look forward to the news report on that case:

A Major Victory for the Faceless Messes
Dateline: Anywhere
In a landmark legal decision, the World Court has ruled in favour of the plaintiff in an accusation of libel over a blog post.The famous Blogger 7aki Fadi was successfully sued by correspondent Ima Nobody, who accused 7aki of willfully and recklessly refusing to publish the borderline hate-mail comments on her Blogger site, and then suggesting that the anonymous person should stop submitting the comments, and go do things that were either anatomically impossible or forbidden by the tenets of most major religions.

Although the comments signed “Anonymous” were never posted, and 7aki’s postings did not identify anyone by name, Nobody knew who 7aki was referring to, and was also able to see other secret patterns and messages in the blog postings.

In the words of the judge: “Nobody thinks these comments should be posted and, furthermore, Nobody cares. 7aki has clearly wronged Nobody, and owes Nobody an apology. If an apology is not forthcoming, Nobody will take this seriously.”

Truer words were never spoken.

Filed under: less-than-nothing, satire, William says | 3 Comments »

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