Rugsplosion?

Posted on August 30, 2010 by 7aki Fadi

So remember when I told you that Armageddon hit the 7aki household and everything turned into hell?

One of the things that happened was that the washing machine broke down and to continue a tradition of eggsplosion 1 and eggsplosion 2 baba 7aki decided to branch out a little into: Rugsplosion.

It was one beautiful cool summer night and Buddha might have, could have ,maybe, ate a little bit too much before going to bed because see, life to Buddha is a never-ending buffet; if there is food and she sees it, she is going to eat it.

So as we are putting her down in her crib to sleep we see the telltale signs of ” OMG RUN TO THE HILLS THE BABY IS GOING TO PUKE” she starts in the crib, we take her out and she continues to hurl on the bedroom carpet, maybe a little bit on the wall and finally on one of those really cute little circular Green Ikea rugs that have paw prints on them, awwwww.

Can't belive I found a picture of it online! It's like 6 years old. Paw prints, awwww

So this is the drill at the 7aki house hold if  Buddha or little 7aki pukes, I clean up the kid, bathe, change clothes and put them to sleep and baba 7aki cleans up … well…. everything else.

I just can’t do the cleaning, I would throw up right then and there, and instead of cleaning the baby’s vomit I have to clean up mine too.

Also I have to say Baba 7aki has built a system and he’s very efficient at it ( I don’t know why I giggle while I type this)  baba 7aki treats vomit cleaning very seriously, VERY SERIOUSLY.

Anyhoo, unbeknownst to me, baba 7aki dumps ALL the vomitty stuff in the washing machine INCLUDING that very cute, green, harmless rug, with the paw prints remember? awwwwww.

And then it explodes in the washing machine, all that is left of it is the mesh that holds the thread on the bottom. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Now baba 7aki doesn’t confess to his crime and he removes the remains of the rug from the washing machine, mind you, not ALL the remains. Then he mentions it in passing, like nothing was wrong about what he did,  that, oh , by the way, there was a rugspolsion in the washing machine.

I GAPE AT HIM, wanted to yell WHAT????? Who in their RIGHT MIND WOULD PUT A RUG IN the WASHING MACHINE??? Instead I made fun of him, hahahaha.

Anyhoo, 2 days later I run a load of laundry and SURPRISE the washer doesn’t work .

Guess what he does? He blames me for breaking it down!!!! Why? Because I didn’t remove ALL the green remains from the machine. There was none by the way.

Men.

I Should have yelled at him when the rugsplosion happened

PS: We had a guy come in and unclog the green stuff from the wahser and we made fun of baba 7aki, teaches him to blame me for breaking the washer.

Filed under: Baba 7aki, baby, ew, Funny, Hilarious, humor, inhumane, Just Shoot Me, kill me now, life, Little Buddha, MOFO BIB - BIB, non fiction, Rant, Rugsplosion | 4 Comments »

Is It the Evil Eye or The Begining of the END?

Posted on August 25, 2010 by 7aki Fadi

There was a series of unfortunate events that just bombarded me in the past 3 weeks. It’s like I had a lot of bad things piled up waiting to hit me and BOOM they came one after the other.

- Started my new job but not really because my old job begged to keep me on for an extra week (they can’t live without me, hehehhe). My old job was pretty stressful, I’m talking S.T.R.E.S.S.F.U.L so I couldn’t wait to get out so when they asked me to stay an extra week I died a little  inside.

- Started working on new job for one day then got into a 3 day heavy-duty technical course, AND I GOT A MIGRAINE THE SECOND DAY. It took me 2 days to recover from that. So imagine I am trying to be so technical like and get a lot of technical info WHILE HAVING A SPLITTING HEADACHE.

- after the course I worked at my new job for one day.

- Then I GET SOOOOOOOOO SICK I don’t work for a whole week ,tangent, Thanks to web MD who I will call WEB ASS from now on I thought I had a brain tumor and I was going to die young and leave my children motherless, word to the wise, don’t use Dr. Google, IT”S EVIL, end of tangent. So again I could not start the THE NEW JOB I was DYING TO START. People, DYING to start, you don’t understand, did you hear me, DYING TO START IT.

- I go to my new job for one day.

- I come home all excited because , yay, I feel better, I had neglected my kids and house for the week because I was sick so let me feel more productive and do a load of laundry, and the EFFING WASHING MACHINE BREAKS DOWN. It fills with water, soaks the clothes and then would not drain, so I am in a dilemma, I can’t open the door or the laundry room would flood, so I bite the bullet, got a bucket, opened the door, and emptied the washer WITH AN EFFING CUP. yes you heard me, a CUP. I bailed the water out of the front loading washer cup by painful cup.

To add insult to injury we had to take our laundry to the neighbours to wash.

- The next day my notebook at work gets hit by a virus, a nasty, EVIL virus, so YAAAAAAAAAAY

- That same day I am still not %100 so I sleep on the train on my way back home AND I MISS MY STOP!!!! I had to take a cab from the OTHER train station to where I had parked my car. At least the cabby was a brother so I wished him a Ramadan Mubarak.

- The next day I go to withdraw some cash from the bank machine and the machine denies the card and asks me to go contact my bank. WHAT? I JUST GOTS PAIDZ. Turnes out someone stole my card info ( not the actual card) made a fake card and went on a shopping spree in Montreal, 404 dollars before the bank clued in it was not me, so I had to go to the bank to cancel my bank card , issue a temp one, and they are launching and investigation to get ma money back. I WANTZ MAZ MONEYZ BACKZ. Did all that on my lunch break

- I go back to work and I find an email from my old boss asking me to go help them out on something I worked on A MONTH AGO.

- I go home and go out to exercise on my roller blades to blow off some steam and I wipe out ON THE ASPHALT, and OUCH my arm still hurts.

How much more can a person handle people?

I need a drink, or something more powerful, like horse tranquilizer, ahhahahhaha.

Anyhoo I hope that this string of bad luck is all behind me because, hey, I had a good day today!!!!!!! FINALLY.

————————————————————————————————————————————-

So you know why the washing machine broke? Stay tuned for the next post because you will pee your pants when you know why.

Filed under: biddi mama, Death, drama, dysfunction, health, inhumane, Just Shoot Me, kill me now, life, Rant, work | 8 Comments »

The Story of The MOFO BIB-BIB

Posted on August 21, 2010 by 7aki Fadi

MOFO BIB - BIB

Alright, so as I mentioned in my previous post, little Buddha is a liiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit diva-isk, she wants what she wants and she wants it NOOOOOOOWWWW.

It all started when we were on a mini two day vacation to a beach resort . And as you all know on a beach there must be sand, and because there was sand little 7aki had flip flops (we call them shib shib in Arabic)  with her, and guess who got attached to flip-flops? You guessed it, little buhdda, so she would fight with her sister all the time for them so I went and got her a pair and sure enough buddha took to them like white on rice. She would not take them off for anything. Wore them to the beach, on the deck, in the house, and if I would have let her she would have worn them IN BED.

Now, little buddha was only 22 months old and as we all know wearing flip flops takes some skill if you are a beginner, I mean you need to keep your toes pressed tight around the front piece thingy to keep them on; so suffice it to say although Buddha loved them so much she kept WHINING ABOUT HOW SHE CAN”T KEEP THEM ON.

She loved them so much she refused to wear ANYTHING else on her feet. I am talking try to put sandals on and you have a half hour battle ahead if you before you even get out the door. Every time we wanted to go out  she would start yelling. BIIIIIIIB BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIB , BIIIIIIIB BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIB .

So now picture  her bib bib s slipping off her feet EVERY FIVE EFFING MINUTES and I have to fix them because OMG her flip flops slipped off her feet, BIIIIIIB BIIIIIIIIIIIB, it must be a catastrophe. Lets all run to little buddha and fix her flip-flops because the world would end as we know it if we don’t help her.

After 2 days of EVERY WAKING MINUTE OF MY LIFE of her bib – bib slipping off I SNAPPED because they would slip off her feet and she would come to me to fix them with her most perfected whiny whimperish cry, that buddha is a pro, A PRO I TELL YA, if she entered a whiny-ness (is that a word?) competition she would win.

I snapped and I said mother effing flip flops. And people this is a momentous occasion, I NEVER swear in front of my kids EVER.

Baba 7aki was standing there , he looked at me, I looked at him,and then we were both on the floor laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation. I mean we are not talking Middle East peace here people, we are talking about keeping flip flops on a 22 month olds feet. FLIP FLOPS!!!!!

So now if baba 7aki and I find ourselves in a frustrating situation that we can’t help or control all we have to say to each other is MOFO bib-bib and we would be heaps on the floor laughing.

Luckily for little Buddha, and I mean luckily for her OWN WELL BEING, she perfected wearing the cursed bib bib.

Although I joke about this right now but I am telling you people flip-flops traumatize me to this day.

I AM TRAUMATIZED.

Filed under: 7aki peanut, Baba 7aki, fa3es, family, Funny, Hilarious, humor, Just Shoot Me, kill me now, life, Little 7aki, Little Buddha, MOFO BIB - BIB, Mothering, Rant, vacation | 2 Comments »

Work, Red Shoes And Stuff.

Posted on August 19, 2010 by 7aki Fadi

Man it feels I have not blogged for ages. Well I did not blog for ages.

I have been really busy at work, no time to screw around  busy.

Oh, and in case you didn’t know I have 2 kids now. And nobody told me that having 2 kids is like having NO LIFE. I am telling you, one kid is a piece of cake add number 2 and all of a sudden there is no time for ANYTHING that has to do with YOU aka the Mom.

And I am already getting pressure from the family to have number 3, you know what people SHUT UP about number 3. I think I am DONE….maybe? darn it, you see, those little buggers are so cute and cuddly and …and … Buddha bellied…. CUTE….until they puke all over the bed, and the floor and the wall.Actually, after second thought, I think I’m done.

An update about ma familia:

Little 7aki is 6 now, wow, she’s a big girl, she’s kooky and crazy but in a good way, she likes to run with no inhibition, she would choose the black bike that has flames on it instead of the purple bike with streamers, fearless and brave.

She is pretty much kind of sort of self reliant now. And so fun to go out with to shop and chill where I don’t have to run after her and say stop and no and stuff. She likes to watch wipe out and also , YES I ADMIT IT, Americas funniest  home videos. What? It’s funny OK :P . It’s just when she giggles I want to bottle it up forever.

Little Buddha on the other hand, OH MY GOD If she didn’t look so much like me, I am serious our baby photos are identical , I would have thought she got switched at the hospital! She is so different from her sister, how can I word this very nicely, WHINY. hehe.

She whines AAAAALLLLLLLL THHHHHHHEEEEEE TIIMEEEEEEEE. For example, if she wants to eat she would say, kinda wimperish and cryish: mommy, fooooooood, NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. She really and honestly says now. She tells me, mama, haaaaaaaaalp me, LOL. I swear help with an A, Haaaaaaaalpme , kinda connected in one word, I want to tape it because it is sooooo funny! She speaks in a Khallili English dialect, HAHAHAHAHAHA.

She’s a Diva too, OMG try and change her clothes when she doesn’t want to;  hell would break loose, I mean , heap on the floor, kicking legs, screaming, and saying, off,off, NOWWWWWWWW.

She likes to carry this little purse around and she’s ALWAYS wearing my high heeled shoes around the house, no word of a lie, always click clacking on the hardwood floor.

And oh, she’s only 23 months!!!! WHAT???? This is supposed to be happening like when she like turns like THIRTEEN!!!!! …Like.

Little 7aki on the other hand would just say OK to whatever, wear this, eat that , don’t do this or that, so easy going,  until she goes outside and terrorizes ALL the kids on the street  seriously, no one messes with little 7aki.

Little Buddha is loved  by all because she is such a lamb, OUTSIDE OF THE HOUSE!!!!! She is the boss of baba 7aki that one. And her Grandfathers favorite too, their bond is so beautiful and precious, brings joy to my heart every time I see it.

My girls; little 7aki who has the heart of an angel, so loving and caring and would give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. And my little Buddha who lights up my life with her spunk and that sparkle in her eyes.

Although you two wear me out I would give anything to you….unless it’s my new red shoes, Buddha , I know you are only 23 months old but you better lay your hands off of those or I’m coming after you.

Filed under: 7aki peanut, beauty, biddi mama, fa3es, family, life, Little 7aki, Little Buddha, me me me, Mothering, Shoes | 8 Comments »

The End

Posted on August 12, 2010 by 7aki Fadi

(This post was written by the Bob man, comments in bold by 7aki)

7aki has left us for a new job. She has decided that she would rather get paid more and go where her talents will be appreciated then stay here with her friends. Apparently our unconditional love and affection for her and our hatred for all other things was not enough enticement. So l want to wish her good luck and hopefully she will either screw up royally and will return back to her job with us OR she will be successful and build her empire and hire me.
Since 7aki is incapable of maintaining friendships, l have compiled a “7aki By Number index’ to remember her time with us- and they were good times!! I will miss you friend.

903 – number of lunches shared with 7aki
375 – number of times Bob wasn’t hungry at lunch (That’s why Bob is a liiiittle bit chubby :p)
700 – number of times we had to validate William for lunch
$7500 – amount spend on lunches with 7aki (Bob, I want my money back)
4 – number of movies seen with 7aki
0 – number of those movies that were chick flicks (that’s why we love 7aki)
8 – terabytes of movies downloaded and viewed by 7aki in her fortress of solitude aka basement
1 – number of times William was referred to as a nerd in a 7aki blog
6- number of months William was upset about being referred to as a nerd
$15 – amount of money won by 7aki in poker games by stealing from William
357 – number of times 7aki called me a MOFO ( Bob, you are a MOFO , make that 358)
2 – number of times we have said goodbye to 7aki
1 – number of times we have said goodbye to Bob
0 – number of times we have said goodbye to William
1 – pairs of smokin red shoes
15 – number of ways 7aki has asked me to kill her
1 – number of times 7aki has gone lingerie shopping with her team lead ( I cannot BELIEVE you still talk about this, let it go MOFO,  359)
1 – number of times Bob has fixed a coworkers toilet (hahahahaha, I can’t believe you did this)
1,208 – number of times William has offered directions and/or help to the general public
221 books read by 7aki..btw based on my calculations 7aki would need 12 hour commute daily to consume this much literature
95% – the percentage of all media content (includes books, TV, movies, music, dead sea scrolls etc) in the world that William has consumed ( dead sea scrolls. bwaaaaaahahahahaha, funny Bob, funny!)
0.01% – percentage of all medial consumed by William that is useful (unless your playing trivial pursuit at the Pub) ( that is soooo true! Hahahahahaha)
3 – number of personal items on 7aki desk
221 – number of personal items on Williams desk
0 – number of personal items on Bob’s desk
5 – number of people asked to smell the urine of one of our coworkers (Ew , Bob maybe I should bog about this coworker)
0 – the number of people that actually took up the offer (one of the people asked was our manager, LOL)
210 – favourite number of 7aki
SO4 – Least favourite number of 7aki (MOFO bib bib)
67 – number of months 7aki pirated TV channels
10 – number of months of 7aki paid for TV channels
587 – number of trips to the A$$ food court
150 – number of trips to an A$$ food court with no lighting (remember butt crack guy?)
250 – number of unread emails in William’s INBOX pertaining to lunch plans sent by 7aki ( Remember Bob when William got so upset one time because of the CRAZY number of emails and threatened to un-friend us, IN REAL LIFE)
19- number of ethnic groups that have been by disparaged 7aki (it’s just i hate ALL people equally)
19 – number of ethnic groups that 7aki knows of.
2 – number of hours doing real work on an average day
3 – number of hours internet surfing and blogging on an average day
1 – number of hours spent for lunch on an average day
1 – number of hours spent on coffee, pee and Bob breaks on an average day
$16,200- commuting cost to work for the past 5 years (MOFO transit)
15 days – amount of days it takes for the 7aki family to earn $16,200 (um, no, that’s what YOU MAKE Bob, NET, LOL)
340 – number of times 7aki felt bad because she didn’t feel bad (I just don’t feel bad sometimes when I SHOULD feel bad!!)
12- number of months off work due to pregnancy
30 – number of days actually spent caring for the little 7aki (mama 7aki arrived) (hahahaha,biddi mama)
1,386,789,958 – number of GI-NORMOUS HORSE STABLES possessed by 7aki
0 – number of horseshoes possessed by William (7aram William)
1 – rank of William in the office on most likely to go postal (out of 15 when excluding bombing) (Bob, you are soooooo racist!)
1 – rank of 7aki in the office on mostly likely to go postal (out of 15 when including bombing) (RACIST!!)
4 – number of 7aki’s family members that know that 7aki owns a Christmas tree (I wish I did, but I don’t :p )
3 – number of blood diamonds on 7aki’s finger
22 – number of African kids who helped mine those blood diamonds
3 – number of staff to support the 7aki household
0 – number of staff that 7aki knows their first name (I do too know their names)
2002 – the year in which 7aki’s current cell phone was manufactured ( There is a small tiny rumor that I will be getting a blackberry)
2001 – last year in which 7aki actually worked (shut up, if you don’t do anything it does not mean I don’t, MOFO 360 )
A billion Trillion – number of days it will take Bob to accept 7aki’s departure ( :,(  )

Other miscellaneous things that l cannot put a number to but are part of 7aki’s time here:
- V (I want to punch in the face)
- Z (Whatz iz thiszzzzzz)
- Shrimp (shrimp who?)
- Joe Black (anti life)
- Topper (topper yelled at Joe Black and V)
- Aviator
- Mean girls
- That’s what she said
- Cougar
- Brothers
- Sisters
- Plain Jane
- Michael Cuss
- Can l borrow $1000? (Mofo Bib bib)
- WTF
- Urgent
- I’m sooooooo excited (You are just jealous)
- A$$ food court
- Zellars Sheppard Pie
- Sanjay
- Jai (much cooler)
- Nacho Grande (hahahaha, totally forgot about that!)
- Hottie
- Landscape Rock
- Bssh
- Fit-teen Fity-five
- Amistad
- Green Golf Shirt
- Lovitz
- MOFO BIB-BIB (that MOFO bib – bib is KILLING ME)
- 
- Bee
- Water Club
- Zhang (hey, there is a new Zhang)
- Moobs
- BMD
- Typhoid Mary
- BMW
- Peaking (you peaked when you were born, LOL)
- Douche bag

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Is this like the longest post ever?

Filed under: Bob, Bob says, co-workers, william, work | 5 Comments »

  • This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 Canada License.

    This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.5 Canada License.

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