Overheard at the Office: Birthdays and Butter Chicken

7aki: The case of the deadly butter Chicken

Bob:  Hahahahaha – Are you gonna read it?

7aki:  If you buy it I will borrow it from you.

Bob:  I thought you might get it for me – for my birthday.

7aki:  Which is in April.

Bob:  Awwww you remembered – the month. Bonus Bob points if you know the date.

7aki:  The 20th?  Or the 14th

Bob:  No bonus points for you. I know Mar 2 is someone’s birthday

7aki:  You have it in your Iphone.  The 19th? Was I even close?

Bob:

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7aki:  HAHAHAHA.   But Awwww, what a cute baby.   The 12th?

Bob:  Just so that l’m clear on where l my relative importance ranking, please tell me you know  Ambigous Help Desk dudes Birthday? office loud mouth? Burper?

7aki:  When the f**k is your birthday.

Bob:  I should just adopt the day you thought was my birthday as my birthday. I’m now doubting my own birthdate.

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7aki:  I said 14th the first time! That was really close, and then I said the 12th??? So I knew it was between the 10th and the 20th.

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Bob:  Hahahahaha…. close enough from you is the equivalent of I love you from most people. I’ll take that.

Overheard at the Office: The One Percent.

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Bob:  The 7aki’s are part of the 1 percent

7aki: Holllaaaaaaa.  But why does the 99 percent go on more vacations?

Bob: Two reasons:

1-      To escape a horrible day to day life

2-      They don’t have jobs that have responsibility

7aki:  So if you have more money you have less time to enjoy it. SOOOOOO IRONIC! Best case scenario, Baba 7aki makes lots of money and I quit my job to enjoy it!

Bob:  I think you have the answer!!!  I don’t want to work.

7aki:  Your lucky wife is not working.

Bob:  My wife does it all…but that is the problem. Trying to have it all, makes it stressful. Even my mother has told me to tell her to relax – cuz she will die early and leave me a widower.

7aki:  A widower to marry someone younger Aaaahahahahahahahahahha.

Bob:  Hahahahaha…. l should take out a bigger insurance policy!  Is there anything sacred that WE won’t joke about?

Overheard While Fundraising

 

Little 7aki has a magazine sale fundraiser at her school. 7aki emailed all the friends and family to buy a magazine.

——————————————-

7aki: Buy a magazine or !!!!! LOL.

 Bob: I got the email last night. I promise to buy something – anything to help a high income school district generate even more money.

 7aki: You need to buy something today; it’s the deadline, so Little 7aki can get a useless gift. In true 7aki fashion I waited to send this in the last minute, little 7aki is not thrilled with me. I told her, I will take her to the dollar store and buy her that stupid eye that lights up.

 Bob: Seriously today or is this a sales pressure tactic? Do l have until midnight?

 7aki: You have until midnight.

 Bob: Why don’t you just buy $1000 worth of magazine…then gift them to everyone for birthdays and Christmas. Little 7aki gets her useless toy – and you don’t have to buy presents.

HAHAHAHA – take little 7aki to the dollar store. You are raising them right (in all seriousness)

 7aki: It’s so funny how kids want the stupidest things. If she sells one magazine she gets a wrist band, that is useless. If she sells three she gets both the wrist band and the eye that lights up, which is also useless. And if she sells 6 she gets all of the above and a water bottle.

So you have to sell 300 dollars’ worth of magazines to get useless gifts worth 5 dollars! LOL. SHOOT ME NOW.

 Bob: Tell me about it…we went to the open house and the school was selling stuff to raise money. I ended spending $10 – on a crappy school hat and a cheap ass band. Right now they are raising money through a dance-a-thon. It’s an endless pit.

 7aki: We have a dance-a-thon, a magazine sale, a school fair, a summer BBQ and hoola-hoop-a-thon PLUS the scholastic rape.

 Bob: HAHAHAHAHA – scholastic rape.

So true – every month. Actually it’s like scholastic PMS.

 7aki: HAHAHA scholastic PMS. SOOOO FUNNY!!!!

1 day later ….

 Bob: Okay – l checked out the prices.  It will be cheaper if l just buy little 7aki a Swarovski bead bracelet!

 7aki: AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Overheard in May – Testosterone

Bob: So I’m reading this story of the Indian dude Anil Kumar who gave insider secrets to a hedge fund. Anil had everything – power, money, prestige etc – he risked it all for about 2 million dollars.That is nothing compared to the compensation he was earning. I don’t get why people risk for so little. What was the motivation? There wasn’t even a chick involved here.It can’t be greed.

Maybe smart people are just stupid.

7aki: Today there was this guy talking about risk taking (specifically in the financial sector) and how it affects your body. This guy is very successful and success increases the testosterone level in men which causes over confidence which causes people to take stupid risks.

He is a text book case.

Bob: I hate arrogance – and l actually love watching arrogant people go down.
I’m glad l’m awesome without the arrogance – LOL

7aki: Hahahaha.

You must have the lowest level of testosterone EVER since you are so averse to risk.

Add that to the multiple insults I rain on you.

Bob: Ouch!

If l didn’t have such a low testosterone count – l would respond

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I blame the foot. (His ankle was broken and he was immobile)

It totally de- testosteronized you

Bob: Your passive aggressive behavior is increasing in intensity.

Are you sure my foot is not an excuse for some other deep seeded frustration?

Tell me about your child hood. LOL

7aki: HAHAHAHA.

And all this time I thought I was being flat out aggressive! I have to kick it up a notch.

My childhood sucked ass.

Bob: Maybe l can borrow some of your testosterone.

You should change your signature line to:

Don’t Mess,
7aki

7aki: I am hormonally imbalanced and I can’t even blame pregnancy.

I just crazy. LOL

That’s what happens when you have too many uncontrollable things in your life.

And who takes the brunt of my frustrations? You and baba 7aki. LOL.

Bob: On the crazy scale 7aki – you don’t even rate :)

7aki: And you have lots of testosterone Bob *hugs*

Bob: hahahahaha…too funny.

I love us.

Overheard at the Office

Yes they are!

Bob: This is 2 days in a row – where you are too well made up to work in this joint. You should be working in the financial district.

7aki: I should!!!!! Tell those bitchez!

Bob: Like they say, dress for the job you want, not the one you have…I look forward to Monday to see what else comes out of your closet.

7aki: A gay man.

Bob: Hahahahaha.

I’d Rather Be Poor

Bob: Its only 9:36 AM and wifey just called me from a store and wants to buy 2 patio lounge chairs. $120 Dollars . done .

7aki: Hahahaha

Bob: Who the eff goes to the store this early. The staff are probably saying what the eff!

7aki : She’s on a mission. You should buy that BMW you always wanted before your wife spends all your money.

Bob: You are right!

After a short pause..

Bob: Also, we have a complete patio set. We don’t need more shit!

7aki: You know what you should do? For every amount she spends on shit you don’t need take an equal amount and put it in a savings acount; call it “car fund”.

After another short pause..

7aki:  But, why don’t you just say: NO, don’t buy it.

Bob: Then l have to deal with an unhappy person; I’d rather be poor.

7aki: Words of wisdom my friend; the shit you say needs to be quoted somewhere!

Double Douchy

(A guest post by Bob)

I hate my job so much that l’d rather spend time detailing inane conversations l have….

Sunday night, wife and l are at the park sitting on the bench watching the kids play. My cellphone rings and l quickly take a look at the call display and promptly put it back in my pocket – deciding not to answer the call. It was from a friend that l can only talk with if I’m drunk or in extremely great mood – cuz the conversation is always me, me and some more me.

Wife says to me aren’t you gonna answer the call?

I say “Not really in the mood”

Wife responds ‘Not answering calls is the douchiest (is this even a word?) thing l know that you do. If someone has taken the time to call, why don’t you just answer?”

So l tell her, “You got this all wrong, the telephone is for my convenience, not the callers. I pay extra each month for the convenience of call display so l can filter.”

Wife says ‘I still think its douchy. In fact your reasoning is douchy. So its double douchy. So what do you think you do is considered douchy?”

So before l responded, l thought of all the real douchy things l do but couldn’t tell her….

- getting text from wife saying how much she misses me and then responding likewise (but l wasn’t)

- getting text from wife saying ‘Thinking of you’ and then responding likewise (but I wasn’t thinking of her at that moment)

- I think l’m superior cuz l watch more intellectual movies and read deeper books than her

I thoughtfully considered my options and l went for the funny response. I said ‘The douchiest thing l do is l clean vagina! ‘

I thought it was funny but she didn’t. So l quickly came up with another answer that l thought would result in the least amount of person injury.

“I avoid coworkers on their last day to avoid awkward goodbyes”

She says ‘That is douchy”

So, what douchy things do you do?

 

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