Overheard at the Office: Birthdays and Butter Chicken

7aki: The case of the deadly butter Chicken

Bob:  Hahahahaha – Are you gonna read it?

7aki:  If you buy it I will borrow it from you.

Bob:  I thought you might get it for me – for my birthday.

7aki:  Which is in April.

Bob:  Awwww you remembered – the month. Bonus Bob points if you know the date.

7aki:  The 20th?  Or the 14th

Bob:  No bonus points for you. I know Mar 2 is someone’s birthday

7aki:  You have it in your Iphone.  The 19th? Was I even close?

Bob:

Capture

7aki:  HAHAHAHA.   But Awwww, what a cute baby.   The 12th?

Bob:  Just so that l’m clear on where l my relative importance ranking, please tell me you know  Ambigous Help Desk dudes Birthday? office loud mouth? Burper?

7aki:  When the f**k is your birthday.

Bob:  I should just adopt the day you thought was my birthday as my birthday. I’m now doubting my own birthdate.

Capture

7aki:  I said 14th the first time! That was really close, and then I said the 12th??? So I knew it was between the 10th and the 20th.

Capture

Bob:  Hahahahaha…. close enough from you is the equivalent of I love you from most people. I’ll take that.

Overheard in May – Testosterone

Bob: So I’m reading this story of the Indian dude Anil Kumar who gave insider secrets to a hedge fund. Anil had everything – power, money, prestige etc – he risked it all for about 2 million dollars.That is nothing compared to the compensation he was earning. I don’t get why people risk for so little. What was the motivation? There wasn’t even a chick involved here.It can’t be greed.

Maybe smart people are just stupid.

7aki: Today there was this guy talking about risk taking (specifically in the financial sector) and how it affects your body. This guy is very successful and success increases the testosterone level in men which causes over confidence which causes people to take stupid risks.

He is a text book case.

Bob: I hate arrogance – and l actually love watching arrogant people go down.
I’m glad l’m awesome without the arrogance – LOL

7aki: Hahahaha.

You must have the lowest level of testosterone EVER since you are so averse to risk.

Add that to the multiple insults I rain on you.

Bob: Ouch!

If l didn’t have such a low testosterone count – l would respond

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I blame the foot. (His ankle was broken and he was immobile)

It totally de- testosteronized you

Bob: Your passive aggressive behavior is increasing in intensity.

Are you sure my foot is not an excuse for some other deep seeded frustration?

Tell me about your child hood. LOL

7aki: HAHAHAHA.

And all this time I thought I was being flat out aggressive! I have to kick it up a notch.

My childhood sucked ass.

Bob: Maybe l can borrow some of your testosterone.

You should change your signature line to:

Don’t Mess,
7aki

7aki: I am hormonally imbalanced and I can’t even blame pregnancy.

I just crazy. LOL

That’s what happens when you have too many uncontrollable things in your life.

And who takes the brunt of my frustrations? You and baba 7aki. LOL.

Bob: On the crazy scale 7aki – you don’t even rate :)

7aki: And you have lots of testosterone Bob *hugs*

Bob: hahahahaha…too funny.

I love us.

Overheard at the Office

Yes they are!

Bob: This is 2 days in a row – where you are too well made up to work in this joint. You should be working in the financial district.

7aki: I should!!!!! Tell those bitchez!

Bob: Like they say, dress for the job you want, not the one you have…I look forward to Monday to see what else comes out of your closet.

7aki: A gay man.

Bob: Hahahahaha.

The End

(This post was written by the Bob man, comments in bold by 7aki)

7aki has left us for a new job. She has decided that she would rather get paid more and go where her talents will be appreciated then stay here with her friends. Apparently our unconditional love and affection for her and our hatred for all other things was not enough enticement. So l want to wish her good luck and hopefully she will either screw up royally and will return back to her job with us OR she will be successful and build her empire and hire me.
Since 7aki is incapable of maintaining friendships, l have compiled a “7aki By Number index’ to remember her time with us- and they were good times!! I will miss you friend.

903 – number of lunches shared with 7aki
375 – number of times Bob wasn’t hungry at lunch (That’s why Bob is a liiiittle bit chubby :p)
700 – number of times we had to validate William for lunch
$7500 – amount spend on lunches with 7aki (Bob, I want my money back)
4 – number of movies seen with 7aki
0 – number of those movies that were chick flicks (that’s why we love 7aki)
8 – terabytes of movies downloaded and viewed by 7aki in her fortress of solitude aka basement
1 – number of times William was referred to as a nerd in a 7aki blog
6- number of months William was upset about being referred to as a nerd
$15 – amount of money won by 7aki in poker games by stealing from William
357 – number of times 7aki called me a MOFO ( Bob, you are a MOFO , make that 358)
2 – number of times we have said goodbye to 7aki
1 – number of times we have said goodbye to Bob
0 – number of times we have said goodbye to William
1 – pairs of smokin red shoes
15 – number of ways 7aki has asked me to kill her
1 – number of times 7aki has gone lingerie shopping with her team lead ( I cannot BELIEVE you still talk about this, let it go MOFO,  359)
1 – number of times Bob has fixed a coworkers toilet (hahahahaha, I can’t believe you did this)
1,208 – number of times William has offered directions and/or help to the general public
221 books read by 7aki..btw based on my calculations 7aki would need 12 hour commute daily to consume this much literature
95% – the percentage of all media content (includes books, TV, movies, music, dead sea scrolls etc) in the world that William has consumed ( dead sea scrolls. bwaaaaaahahahahaha, funny Bob, funny!)
0.01% – percentage of all medial consumed by William that is useful (unless your playing trivial pursuit at the Pub) ( that is soooo true! Hahahahahaha)
3 – number of personal items on 7aki desk
221 – number of personal items on Williams desk
0 – number of personal items on Bob’s desk
5 – number of people asked to smell the urine of one of our coworkers (Ew , Bob maybe I should bog about this coworker)
0 – the number of people that actually took up the offer (one of the people asked was our manager, LOL)
210 – favourite number of 7aki
SO4 – Least favourite number of 7aki (MOFO bib bib)
67 – number of months 7aki pirated TV channels
10 – number of months of 7aki paid for TV channels
587 – number of trips to the A$$ food court
150 – number of trips to an A$$ food court with no lighting (remember butt crack guy?)
250 – number of unread emails in William’s INBOX pertaining to lunch plans sent by 7aki ( Remember Bob when William got so upset one time because of the CRAZY number of emails and threatened to un-friend us, IN REAL LIFE)
19- number of ethnic groups that have been by disparaged 7aki (it’s just i hate ALL people equally)
19 – number of ethnic groups that 7aki knows of.
2 – number of hours doing real work on an average day
3 – number of hours internet surfing and blogging on an average day
1 – number of hours spent for lunch on an average day
1 – number of hours spent on coffee, pee and Bob breaks on an average day
$16,200- commuting cost to work for the past 5 years (MOFO transit)
15 days – amount of days it takes for the 7aki family to earn $16,200 (um, no, that’s what YOU MAKE Bob, NET, LOL)
340 – number of times 7aki felt bad because she didn’t feel bad (I just don’t feel bad sometimes when I SHOULD feel bad!!)
12- number of months off work due to pregnancy
30 – number of days actually spent caring for the little 7aki (mama 7aki arrived) (hahahaha,biddi mama)
1,386,789,958 – number of GI-NORMOUS HORSE STABLES possessed by 7aki
0 – number of horseshoes possessed by William (7aram William)
1 – rank of William in the office on most likely to go postal (out of 15 when excluding bombing) (Bob, you are soooooo racist!)
1 – rank of 7aki in the office on mostly likely to go postal (out of 15 when including bombing) (RACIST!!)
4 – number of 7aki’s family members that know that 7aki owns a Christmas tree (I wish I did, but I don’t :p )
3 – number of blood diamonds on 7aki’s finger
22 – number of African kids who helped mine those blood diamonds
3 – number of staff to support the 7aki household
0 – number of staff that 7aki knows their first name (I do too know their names)
2002 – the year in which 7aki’s current cell phone was manufactured ( There is a small tiny rumor that I will be getting a blackberry)
2001 – last year in which 7aki actually worked (shut up, if you don’t do anything it does not mean I don’t, MOFO 360 )
A billion Trillion – number of days it will take Bob to accept 7aki’s departure ( :,(  )

Other miscellaneous things that l cannot put a number to but are part of 7aki’s time here:
- V (I want to punch in the face)
- Z (Whatz iz thiszzzzzz)
- Shrimp (shrimp who?)
- Joe Black (anti life)
- Topper (topper yelled at Joe Black and V)
- Aviator
- Mean girls
- That’s what she said
- Cougar
- Brothers
- Sisters
- Plain Jane
- Michael Cuss
- Can l borrow $1000? (Mofo Bib bib)
- WTF
- Urgent
- I’m sooooooo excited (You are just jealous)
- A$$ food court
- Zellars Sheppard Pie
- Sanjay
- Jai (much cooler)
- Nacho Grande (hahahaha, totally forgot about that!)
- Hottie
- Landscape Rock
- Bssh
- Fit-teen Fity-five
- Amistad
- Green Golf Shirt
- Lovitz
- MOFO BIB-BIB (that MOFO bib – bib is KILLING ME)
- 
- Bee
- Water Club
- Zhang (hey, there is a new Zhang)
- Moobs
- BMD
- Typhoid Mary
- BMW
- Peaking (you peaked when you were born, LOL)
- Douche bag

————————————————————————

Is this like the longest post ever?

Who’s Funnier?

Me: Check this out it is soooooo funny! http://thebloggess.com/?p=7306

Bob: Funny stuff.
Your ‘un-review‘ post is funny as well.
Who is funnier? You or 7aki?

Me: You tell me.

Bob: I like them both.
7aki is just a family friendly version of you.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAZ.

————————————————————–

You got it from the source.

Overheard in the Lunch Room 1

My new cubicle is located right next to the lunch room so I get to hear a lot of chatter during the day so I will start a series called: overheard in the lunch room.

Way too talkative colleague (AKA the Nanny because she sounds like Nanny Fran):  When I go in the shower, first, I scrub real hard and …..

At this point I tuned her out because, DUDE , I didn’t really want the mental image to stay with me all day.

EW..An exchange at 7aki’s office

I am not sure if you remember one of our coworkers that goes by the name Alex , click the link, he is featured in exchange 2 but just to recap he is known to be the cheapest man alive. Oh and he’s kinda dirty too.

Bob: I forgot to tell you the best Alex story…..
The other day he was wearing only shorts in the morning so l asked him if wearing shorts was appropriate (only joking). His response…”I forgot my pants at home”.  That is right up there if his excuse ” I forgot my computer at home” (Yes he once showed up to work and he had forgotten his laptop at home. OMG HAHAHAHAHA).

Anyways, he goes down to MEXX and buys a pair of pants to wear at work.  l’m surprised he would buy at MEXX – because its expensive.  Later in the day, after wearing the pants all day, he put them back in the bag and l don’t know for sure, but l think he was returning them.

Just amazing. And l still hate you.

7aki: OMFG. Imagine who is going to wear the pants after him if he returned them…ewwwwwwwwww.

Bob: The kicker….He rides his bike…so he gets very sweaty.
Still hate you.

7aki: But I love you.

Bob hates me because I am leaving him/work for a whole year to take care of peanut and whenever I get the opportunity I rub it in his face and tell him, “haha, sucks to be yooooooouuuuuuu”.

Bob wishes he was pregnant too. What men would do for a year off.

Yesterday I finalized my paper work and my last day at work? Sept 1st, wooooohoooooooooooo.

Gosh I love Canada, Will be off and get paid for a whole year. LOVE IT.

An Exchange At The 7aki Office

7aki at 10:45 AM : Lunch today? Where? I am hungry.

Bob at 1:24 PM: I’m sorry l just got email access.
As a Canadian – I think its right that l apologize for not having access to email and knowing that you would have sent an email for lunch.

7aki: Hahaha. I even came by your OFFICE like 3 times. You totally ignored a pregnant hungry woman today :-P . Shame on you. And on your first day to boot!

Bob: You’re a pregnant woman who drives in a BMW 3 series coupe…Its hard for me to take pity on you.

7aki: Whatever! You just wish it was you driving the BMW. LOL.

Yes you guessed it, the Bob is back!

Poor William will get abused again…MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

And Then There Were Two

Monday was a very very sad sad day.

Words can’t describe the saddness I am feeling right now. Sadness and despair.

It will never be the same , life as I know it has ended and a new phase has begun.

William and I are sad to announce that Bob no longer works at the 7aki office anymore, sniff sniff, he moved on to, hopefully, sniff sniff , greener pastures.

Who is going to entertain me when I am comatose every day between 2:45 and 3:00?

Who will help me tease William? I mean now if I make fun of William it’s not funny anymore cos there’s nobody to laugh at my jokes.

Who will throw me chocolates from his cubicle almost poking my eye out?

Who am I going to make racist jokes about?

Who’s gonna hear me bitch and whine till I depress him so I feel better and also watch me get fat ?

It’s indeed a sad sad affair.

But I am committing Bob to blog about his new job and tell us how miserable he is without us and about the freaks he will have at his new job, we love to talk about freaks, hehehehe.

We will miss you buddy.

Good luck

The Coke Finger

I’ve always seen Men in Jordan with the infamous long pinkie nail and I always wondered to why they have them, I thought it was a taxi cab driver specialty.

coke_finger.jpeg

I always thought that they grow them to pick their noses (I threw up in my mouth a little right now just picturing it in action)

And then I came to Canada to find out that this phenomenon is not limited to Jordan only!

We have a manager (Yes. A manager who does not drive a taxi and who is in his late fifties) who has a long pinkie nail and one of my hilarious coworkers dubbed him “The Coke finger”.

This was the first time I learned that people use that nail to snort cocaine.

Since I always wondered why people grew that fingernail and to expand my knowledge base (OK it’s Friday and I am bored) I went on a google quest to find out why people grow it

OMG some of these entries are just tooooo funny!

First there is a blogger who lives in Honduras that posted about this issue. Apparently in Honduras there are A LOT of men who sport that long fingernail which resulted with her going on a quest of her own to find why. Fascinating read, hehe.

I continued my search to find out that the one and only Dave has already tackled this issue on his blog, he was so weirded out by it that he wrote a Treatise .

There’s even this page that is dedicated to this subject and lists MANY reasons to why some men choose to sport that disgusting VILE nail.

And last but not least the Urban dictionary confirms that people use the coke nail to , well, snort cocaine.

It’s funny how so many people are so interested in knowing why that nail is being grown all around the world.

HILARIOUS.

Cat-astrophe

** A contribution by Bob**

Topper didn’t come to work today because………..<spinning the wheel of excuses, where she stops nobody knows>……. “Her cat had to have emergency surgery”

The amazing part was nobody knew she had a cat. And Topper talks non-stop about herself so its strange this cat has never come up in conversation. Also, Topper never mentions the cat by name.

Topper update: Senior management has been so thoroughly impressed by Topper’s work, that Topper has been given the responsibility of managing the organization’s biggest and most expensive project.

Kill me now or I’ll murder someone!!!!!! (Warning: Mature language)

There’s this lady at work who SINGS OUT LOUD with the fucking radio, could you for Fucks sake shut the Fuck up!!!!!

 I am raging right now, LOL, for real, she is soooooooooooo annyoing God help me, if I go postal I swear to God I am heading to her cubicle right away then I will shoot myself after.

 And by the way, she’s like at least , what? a 100 feet away? (William and Bob, is it 100?) and I can still fucking hear her.

 I HATE PEOPLE.

Munchausens By Proxy

(A contribution by William)

Latest Topper sighting:

Bob and I just got back from a relatively short meeting, where Topper was one of the five participants. One of the others (Joe Black’s manager, as it happens), spent the entire meeting standing at the doorway, occasionally looking down the hallway.

At the end of the meeting, as we were leaving, he explained that he was just waiting for his six year old daughter to come out of the bathroom, so that he could use his ID to let her back into the secured office area. (He had brought her to work for the day.) Just so you understand: He wasn’t concerned for her safety (the bathroom itself was located within a secure area), he just wanted to save her the trouble of coming down to the meeting room to let him know that she was ready to go back to his office.

Without missing a beat, Topper said, “It’s good that you are watching out for her. When Topper Jr. was 5, my mother-in-law and I were travelling with him through Chicago’s O’Hare Airport, and he had gone into the bathroom. When he didn’t come out after several minutes, we were worried. We asked someone else to check for him, but there was no response. Security locked down the entire airport, and then eventually I was permitted to go into the bathroom. It turns out that he was okay, he just hadn’t wanted to answer when a stranger called him by name.”

As a parent myself, I have mixed reactions to this (assuming, of course, that there is even a shred of truth to the story):

It is good that the kid knew not to talk to strangers.

It is idiotic that she would send a five-year old into the bathroom by himself at a major airport. (Take him to the women’s bathroom, for [deity]‘s sake!)

It is ludicrous to believe that security would have shut down the airport as a first step, and only then would have let her go into the men’s bathroom as a follow-up.

And finally, how did “I’m waiting to let my daughter back into the office” inspire a “My son and I caused a code-red kidnapping scare twenty years ago” story? Isn’t that completely out of proportion? And why would she want anyone else to know this?

You can’t make this stuff up! (Or, at least, we can’t. Her, I’m not so sure about . . .)

Oh, those Russians!

(A contribution by William) 

To continue with 7aki’s theme of “work colleagues from hell”, I want to tell you about another of our co-workers.

Have you ever worked with a “computer expert” who really shouldn’t be allowed near computers? That’s this guy!

If there a process to be run, he will run the wrong version. If there is a report to be run, he will use the wrong database. If there is computer fix to be tested, he will use the live (i.e. non-test, real data) environment. He has managed to destroy two laptops (by spilling drinks, dropping them, etc.), and has been known to forget to bring his computer to work. His whole job revolves around his computer, and he can’t be bothered to bring it with him?!

His crowning achievement was last week, when he took it upon himself to test a trial version of a software program that is integral to our computer system. He not only used the live environment and overwrite the existing software, he cancelled the process half-way through (leaving us with neither version), and it looked like we had lost a substantial amount of client data.

But here’s the amazing part: his boss always covers for him! In fact, with last week’s debacle, he ended up working (from home) until 1:30am to fix the problem he caused, and his boss sent out an e-mail to the rest of the office commending him for his efforts!

Bob has a theory about all of this: he had originally given him the nickname “Joe Black” because he is like death to any computer system or program he touches. (In the film “Meet Joe Black”, Death took human form and used that name.) Maybe he REALLY IS Death, and is holding the boss’ family hostage for as long as he covers for Death’s mistakes. It is the only explanation we can come up with; maybe you readers have other theories?

By the way: It is too bad for 7aki that our Joe Black in no way resembles the movie version (i.e. Brad Pitt). Ours has questionable personal hygiene and a habit of standing uncomfortably close to her when she is seated at her desk, such that his crotch is in close proximity to her face . . . BLAUGH! . . . sorry, I just had to be ill for a moment.

I don't care WHO you are: if you put your crotch anywhere NEAR my face, you're going to have to adopt if you ever want children!

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