Overheard at the Office: Birthdays and Butter Chicken

7aki: The case of the deadly butter Chicken

Bob:  Hahahahaha – Are you gonna read it?

7aki:  If you buy it I will borrow it from you.

Bob:  I thought you might get it for me – for my birthday.

7aki:  Which is in April.

Bob:  Awwww you remembered – the month. Bonus Bob points if you know the date.

7aki:  The 20th?  Or the 14th

Bob:  No bonus points for you. I know Mar 2 is someone’s birthday

7aki:  You have it in your Iphone.  The 19th? Was I even close?

Bob:

Capture

7aki:  HAHAHAHA.   But Awwww, what a cute baby.   The 12th?

Bob:  Just so that l’m clear on where l my relative importance ranking, please tell me you know  Ambigous Help Desk dudes Birthday? office loud mouth? Burper?

7aki:  When the f**k is your birthday.

Bob:  I should just adopt the day you thought was my birthday as my birthday. I’m now doubting my own birthdate.

Capture

7aki:  I said 14th the first time! That was really close, and then I said the 12th??? So I knew it was between the 10th and the 20th.

Capture

Bob:  Hahahahaha…. close enough from you is the equivalent of I love you from most people. I’ll take that.

Overheard in May – Testosterone

Bob: So I’m reading this story of the Indian dude Anil Kumar who gave insider secrets to a hedge fund. Anil had everything – power, money, prestige etc – he risked it all for about 2 million dollars.That is nothing compared to the compensation he was earning. I don’t get why people risk for so little. What was the motivation? There wasn’t even a chick involved here.It can’t be greed.

Maybe smart people are just stupid.

7aki: Today there was this guy talking about risk taking (specifically in the financial sector) and how it affects your body. This guy is very successful and success increases the testosterone level in men which causes over confidence which causes people to take stupid risks.

He is a text book case.

Bob: I hate arrogance – and l actually love watching arrogant people go down.
I’m glad l’m awesome without the arrogance – LOL

7aki: Hahahaha.

You must have the lowest level of testosterone EVER since you are so averse to risk.

Add that to the multiple insults I rain on you.

Bob: Ouch!

If l didn’t have such a low testosterone count – l would respond

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I blame the foot. (His ankle was broken and he was immobile)

It totally de- testosteronized you

Bob: Your passive aggressive behavior is increasing in intensity.

Are you sure my foot is not an excuse for some other deep seeded frustration?

Tell me about your child hood. LOL

7aki: HAHAHAHA.

And all this time I thought I was being flat out aggressive! I have to kick it up a notch.

My childhood sucked ass.

Bob: Maybe l can borrow some of your testosterone.

You should change your signature line to:

Don’t Mess,
7aki

7aki: I am hormonally imbalanced and I can’t even blame pregnancy.

I just crazy. LOL

That’s what happens when you have too many uncontrollable things in your life.

And who takes the brunt of my frustrations? You and baba 7aki. LOL.

Bob: On the crazy scale 7aki – you don’t even rate :)

7aki: And you have lots of testosterone Bob *hugs*

Bob: hahahahaha…too funny.

I love us.

Why 2011 Sucked Ass And Why I Am Glad It’s Behind Me

How I got my ass kicked

2011 kicked my ass.

Career wise: I got the job of my dreams … and lost it. This sucked for me the most and took me about 6 months to get over. The kicker is? My boss loved me, my team loved me, my bosses boss loved me and the project was so cutting edge and so amazing that it got ATTENTION from major corps …. but due to “budget cuts” the project I was working on got cut and I had to go back to my old job. Talking about it re-opens the wounds. SUCKS.

Health wise: Buddha had a lot of health issues this year. My poor baby. She had a severe asthma attack that landed her in the ER after a 911 call. She had pneumonia in November as well. How much can a 3 year old endure? A lot apparently because she is still bubbly and delicious to nibble on nom nom nom .
Little 7aki broke her arm IN THE SUMMER!!!! And I was just exhausted all the time due to the above points, and I cut my finger!!!!

SUCKS ASS.

Extended family wise: Lots of health issues, its part of getting older I guess and part of life but still SUCKS ASS.

Blog wise: WHAT BLOG? I neglected my blog and all the good stuff that comes with it, due to, HELLO, did you read the above!

We did go on nice trips tough and I did watch A LOT of amazing TV. I did join the gym and I did have fun with friends and I read a lot of GREAT books but in general the year was Meh, Blah and Gaaaaah.

2012… BEHAVE!

Sh*t My Dad Says

This book is soooooooooooo funny!

The story behind it is that the book author Justin Halpern had a 2 year long distance relationship with his girlfriend; he lived and worked in LA and she lived in San Diego and wanted to move in with her so he found a job that will allow him to live in San Diego, so he let his apartment in LA go and went to San Diego to surprise his girlfriend but instead of her jumping up and down with joy she broke up with him.

Justin found himself homeless and the only thing he could think of was to move back in with his parents. While he stayed at his parents his father was saying the funniest and weirdest things to him so Justin created the Twitter account “Sh*t My Dad Says” and a phenomenon was  born.

The nice thing about the book that it’s not just quotes from his dad but also has a number of stories about his dad that he collected from family members.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

Put the rake down. I don’t wanna sit around watching you ‘give it your best.’ Either stop sucking or get the fuck out of the way

See, you think I give a shit. Wrong. In fact, while you talk, I’m thinking; How can I give less of shit? That’s why I look interested

This one is a pearl of wisdom:

Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog shit

This one is my favroite one, soooooo true!

A parent’s only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed

Loved it and would recommend it for a good laugh.

Here are more of my reviews

 

Guy Who Draws on The Elivator Door With His Nose Grease.

It’s hard for me to find anything on the internet that makes me laugh , but this!!!!!!  AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Source

 

Is It the Evil Eye or The Begining of the END?

There was a series of unfortunate events that just bombarded me in the past 3 weeks. It’s like I had a lot of bad things piled up waiting to hit me and BOOM they came one after the other.

- Started my new job but not really because my old job begged to keep me on for an extra week (they can’t live without me, hehehhe). My old job was pretty stressful, I’m talking S.T.R.E.S.S.F.U.L so I couldn’t wait to get out so when they asked me to stay an extra week I died a little  inside.

- Started working on new job for one day then got into a 3 day heavy-duty technical course, AND I GOT A MIGRAINE THE SECOND DAY. It took me 2 days to recover from that. So imagine I am trying to be so technical like and get a lot of technical info WHILE HAVING A SPLITTING HEADACHE.

- after the course I worked at my new job for one day.

- Then I GET SOOOOOOOOO SICK I don’t work for a whole week ,tangent, Thanks to web MD who I will call WEB ASS from now on I thought I had a brain tumor and I was going to die young and leave my children motherless, word to the wise, don’t use Dr. Google, IT”S EVIL, end of tangent. So again I could not start the THE NEW JOB I was DYING TO START. People, DYING to start, you don’t understand, did you hear me, DYING TO START IT.

- I go to my new job for one day.

- I come home all excited because , yay, I feel better, I had neglected my kids and house for the week because I was sick so let me feel more productive and do a load of laundry, and the EFFING WASHING MACHINE BREAKS DOWN. It fills with water, soaks the clothes and then would not drain, so I am in a dilemma, I can’t open the door or the laundry room would flood, so I bite the bullet, got a bucket, opened the door, and emptied the washer WITH AN EFFING CUP. yes you heard me, a CUP. I bailed the water out of the front loading washer cup by painful cup.

To add insult to injury we had to take our laundry to the neighbours to wash.

- The next day my notebook at work gets hit by a virus, a nasty, EVIL virus, so YAAAAAAAAAAY

- That same day I am still not %100 so I sleep on the train on my way back home AND I MISS MY STOP!!!! I had to take a cab from the OTHER train station to where I had parked my car. At least the cabby was a brother so I wished him a Ramadan Mubarak.

- The next day I go to withdraw some cash from the bank machine and the machine denies the card and asks me to go contact my bank. WHAT? I JUST GOTS PAIDZ. Turnes out someone stole my card info ( not the actual card) made a fake card and went on a shopping spree in Montreal, 404 dollars before the bank clued in it was not me, so I had to go to the bank to cancel my bank card , issue a temp one, and they are launching and investigation to get ma money back. I WANTZ MAZ MONEYZ BACKZ. Did all that on my lunch break

- I go back to work and I find an email from my old boss asking me to go help them out on something I worked on A MONTH AGO.

- I go home and go out to exercise on my roller blades to blow off some steam and I wipe out ON THE ASPHALT, and OUCH my arm still hurts.

How much more can a person handle people?

I need a drink, or something more powerful, like horse tranquilizer, ahhahahhaha.

Anyhoo I hope that this string of bad luck is all behind me because, hey, I had a good day today!!!!!!! FINALLY.

————————————————————————————————————————————-

So you know why the washing machine broke? Stay tuned for the next post because you will pee your pants when you know why.

My Hello Kitty Obsession

Since I was a kid I LOVED hello kitty and still do!

I was in Toronto in Mid January and found a beautiful hello kitty necklace. Little 7aki saw it and said”Wow this is pretty is it for me?” I was like “Nooooooooooooooooooo. This is Mommy’s,  but you can borrow it .” Heheheh.

I wish I could take a picture and show you but me no have the camera. The camera is in Dubai. but it looks something like this but more blingy:

hello-kitty-necklace

Another thing I am addicted to, kinder surprise, she is not allowed to play with my collection, YES I have a collection and it a  big collection and she’s not allowed to touch it. I tell her ” Get your own” HAHAHAHAHHAAHA.

Sigh. Will I ever grow up?

Déjà vu

Who Would have thought the 7aki household would have another eggsplosion.

You need proof? You can’t handle the proof.

eggsplosion

HAHAHAHAHAHA Baba 7aki is HILARIOUS. And yup, he had to clean it up.

Since this is a regular occurrence at the 7aki household I created a blog category for it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Daddy Said a Bad Word

We were out at a mall with friends visiting from Dubai. Baba 7aki was talking to my friends husbnad and i was talking to my friend and all of a sudden.

Little 7aki whispering: Mama, Mama. Baba said a bad word.

Me : Oh no. What did he say?

Little 7aki: He said “Assets”.

Me: HAHAHAHAHHAHA. That’s not a bad word sweetie.

Little 7aki: What does it mean?

Try and explain what assets mean to a 4 year old. I told her assets are something valuable that we own.

Speaking of bad words, Lets say baba 7aki has an issue with withholding the swear words in front of little 7aki. He swears like a trucker.

So one time he said shit or something, little 7aki runs to me and says: “Mama mama baba said “shit””. I think she delights in telling me that her daddy is saying a bad word  so she can repeat it.

So I look at baba 7aki and I say:“tsk tsk tsk”. Then I tell little 7aki: “You know what, maybe we should put soap in his mouth to wash out the filthy words”. Little 7aki zooms out of sight sooooo fast and brings a bar of soap from the bathroom and tells her daddy to put it in his mouth HHAHAHAHA. Much to his protest.  I tell him: “You better put it in your mouth since you were swearing”.

This has developed into a ritual, baba 7aki would be talking, not realizing he said shit or ass or whatever delightful bad word and all of a sudden he sees little 7aki in front of him with the bar of soap saying: ” Put it in your mouth” so baba 7aki bites it with his lips and she would say: ” No no I want teeth, TEETH” meaning , you gotta bite on it buddy.

So now she just goes up to him with the bar of soap and says: “Teeth”. HAHAHAHAHA

The other day in the car baba 7aki the trucker mouth said something bad and little 7aki was like: “TSK TSK TSK, I wish we had soap”

LMAO. This girl is a character I tell ya!

NC-17: No one under 17 is allowed . Some Of My Favorite Blogs Rated

Keeping with the theme of the previous post I rated some of the blogs on my blog roll, similar to a movie rating and oh boy this is just tooo funny.

1) First all the bloggers that are RATED G where all ages are admitted:

First Let me Rate Roba’s And Far away. You can practically give your kids Roba’s link with no fear.

.

Then I rated Naseems Black Iris, Also pretty good, but Naseem, you said Bitches!!!! LOL.

.

Then It was Hamza‘s turn, Hamza, how many times do I have to tell you to stop blogging about your drugs escapades????? HAHAHA. J/K

.

The Observer, Awwwww even the worst word you used was pain. PUTS ALL OF YOU TO SHAME!!!!

.

Hani Obaid was not too bad, maybe by ass he meant Donkey? LOL

.

Then it was Bakkouz‘s Turn . Shame on you Bakkouz. Oh the language you use.  Actually Bakkouz is pretty good. I think he meant Donkey too. HAHAHA

.

2) Now we enter the blogs where some PARENTAL GUIDANCE is required where some material may not be suitable for Children:

First off the shock of  the century is non other than Kinzi 8O .Oh kinzi the violence you have on your blog. LOL. I honestly thought Kinzi’s blog will return nothing but it did. Life is always full of surprises.

.

Then it was KJ’s . So you get PG for saying Crap??? Hmmm, I demand a recount. I think you should be in the rated G pile :-P .

.

3) Now we enter the realm of those blogs that kinda hover on the edge of being bad, the PG-13 blogs where Some material may not be appropriate for Children under 13.

.

First off non other than me, 7aki. Wow, violent and a potty mouth. And people send me emails sometimes telling me that my site is a family site and I keep telling them, dudes, trust me, it’s not.

.

Hareega is also rated PG-13. I laughed sooooooo hard when I read the words he uses. Hareega, a question: Why are you obsessed with faltulance? LOOOOOOOOL.

.

4) Now we start going into the serious stuff, The blogs Rated R. That people under 17 need an accompanying parent or guardian.

The first and only blog on this list is Bambam.

Wow I never knew that Scat means Poop. Again, we live and learn.

.

5) THEN I rated Rambling Hal’s , and oh boy you are in for the ride of your life. The undefeated champion of all blogs. Drum rolllll pleaaaaaaaaaaase.

NC-17: No one under 17 is allowed 8O HAHAHAHAHA. walik Hal shu haaaaaaad? My favorite word is stab.  LMAO

.

To see how your blog rates go here

.

Uncle Scrooge and the chewing gum

A guest post by 7aki’s sister

When I was about 8 or 9, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents, specially in the summer, I guess mama was trying to get rid of me or something :,-(

Whenever Grandpa left to work, Uncle scrooge (العم دهب) used to send me and my other uncle to go get gum and candy with our allowance, saying that he had the best idea for us to become very very rich.. so like the stupid little kids we were, we went to the store very happily and bought all the candy we could. Then he would wait till Grandma was busy with house work and made us sit on the sidewalk close to the house and SELL the stuff. This went on for about a week.. when we asked him for the money he said that he was saving it for us.. the Idiots we were!

So one Day my grandfather came back early from work and he saw me and my younger uncle selling gum and candy on the street and he went ballistic and started screaming at us “Don’t I give you enough money? Why are you doing this? Do you want us to look like beggars? Why do you want people to think that we are poor?…. etc.” at that point we were terrified and did not realize that what we were doing was wrong.. so we both started crying and told him that it was scrooge’s idea. Hearing this, Scrooge disappeared and was nowhere to be found for the whole day. By then Grandpa calmed down and only told him that it was wrong and he should never do it again.

Till this day, my mother has no idea that her own daughter sold gum and candy on the street.

Yeeeeee.. Fdee7a 8O

The Return of the Plug-in

Remember the whole dilemma with the Glade Plugin? Remember how I said it will be back?

Guess what! It’s BAAAAAAAAAAAAACK. And where? Right outside our bedroom door.

888974.jpeg

Sigh.

I think he does it on purpose because I am a pretty spoiled (daloo3a) (heheheh, it’s true) and he wants to get back at me for all the things I made him go through in the past 2 months, well in the past 7 years would be more accurate.

 The real question is why do I find it so funny and cute that he is sooooooo OCD. I mean another woman might have killed him already or run to the hills but I don’t, I find it so darn cute that he does all the “Freak” things he does. Seriously, CUTE!

Well OK maybe I wanted to kill him a couple of times, maybe yelled at him occasionally, but he is still SO cute.

Man I think those pregnancy hormones are A’ raging right now. OCD is Cute????? HAHAHAHAHA.

 I’m hungry, I am going to go eat a shawerma sandwich right now, yuummmmmmmmmm.

When My Bro Was Hit By a Car

When we were kids my Mom used to let me and my brother who was only 3.5 at the time go outside and play on the street. I used to be maybe in 2nd grade so I guess that would make me 7 years old.

We lived in a Cull De Sac so there were no traffic flow by no means. It was a very safe area to play.

My brother who was always stubborn and would never listen to ANYONE was running around and playing, it was time to go home. I got a bit worried because there were some cars and I told him to hold my hand, he was refusing to do that, so I threatened him that if he does not hold my hand that I will never take him outside to play and it worked! He held my hand and I was walking triumphantly that he listened to me. Then like the sneaky little stubborn bugger he was he let go of my hand, dashes out on the street laughing and kaboom, he got struck by a car.

I WAS MORTIFIED.

The car screeched to a halt , there were 2 men in the car who left the car panicking like there was no tomorrow. They ran to my brother who was on the ground right by the car and they carried him and took him in the car and left.

I was stunned, first my brother gets hit by a car and then those 2 stranger men take him away, I was shouting at the men: “Where are you taking my brother, leave my brother alone” but no use, at that point all I could do is just watch the car leave terrified and bawling my eyes out.

I went running home. I was at that point incapable of saying anything and I was saying: “Brother, car , hit , men, gone, waaaaaaaaaaaaa3″

Like maybe 15 or 20 minutes later the 2 men brough my brother back, they apparently were soooo scared that they took him to the hospital to check and see that everything was alright.

ARE THESE MEN STUPID??? Like you took my brother away you bastards. At least take me too, or let me go get my mommy. BASTARDS.

But they are good people.

So the little stubborn bugger had not a scratch on him and he was perfect thank God.

I looked at my brother and he was chewing something, I was like:

Me: What’s that in your mouth?

Brother 7aki: 3am bakol 3ilkeh ( I am chewing gum)

Me: Where did you get that from? Is that the 3ilkeh (gum) I gave you like 3 hours ago?

Borhter 7aki: yeth (he used to lisp, LOL)

Me: and I am here bawling my eyes out and I thought you were dead and through all this commotion you are still chewing the gum you were chewing when you were hit by the car? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. You didn’t even swallow it out of terror when you were hit by the car?

Bother 7aki: La2, ma heih thakieh (zakieh ( no because it was tasty)

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Oh man, my brother was such a nahfeh

And the whole lisping thing, my brother used to say, 3athr 2rooth (3ahsr 2roosh, ten piasters) We used to make sooooooo much fun of him.

My mom spent years trying to get him to stop lisping but he wouldn’t stop, he actually liked it and liked the attention.

So it was time for him to go to school, his first day of school, so my brother was very excited:

Brohter 7aki: Mama, biddi mathroofy, 2a3teeny 3athr 2rooth (mama, biddi masroofy, a3teeny 3ashr 2roosh, I want my allowance, give me 10 piasters)

Mom: Walak it’s 3ashr 2roosh, ma biddak ti7keeha sa7? (Aren’t you gonna stop lisping?)

Brother 7aki: Thu? (Shu) , I thaid 3athr 2rooth. (what? I said it right)

Mom: sigh, I don’t know what to do with this kid.

So my brother comes home from school on his first day and he runs to Mom

Bother 7aki: Mama, mama, biddi maSSary

Mom: What did you say?

Brother 7aki: 2a3teeny maSSary, biddi 3aSHr 2rooSH.

Mom: Walak batalet to2rot? HAHAHAHAHA (you stopped lisping?????)

Brother 7aki: Mahoo the kids at school made fun of me.

Can you believe that? My brother is a nahfeh 3anjad.

I have sooooooooooooo many stories about my brother, some day I might share the story of my brother and the dufda3 (frog)

The day 7aki got slapped, AGAIN!

Remember that one time when I was slapped by a monkey? I think it was a sign of things to come.

See, my Mom is a very peaceful person, never in her life did she have to resort to using her loud voice or physical power to get her point across. All she had to do is use her stare, we called in “The death stare”, she will just keep staring at you until she breaks you, LOL. For real, she would just not let up and keep looking you straight in the eye until you didn’t know what to do and then you would surrender and do whatever she wanted you to do.

For example she would ask me: “Go do the dishes”. Like a smart ass I would say: “Ma biddi (NO)”, and my mom would unleash the death stare, at first I would defiantly look her in the eye, and then after 2 seconds flat I would start looking away, then in another 2 seconds flat I would start giggling nervously, and then I would get up and do the dishes (zay ilshatra), mind you , my Mom at this point had not even uttered one word.

So one time my mom woke up really early, 6 in the morning, on a weekend, I also woke up and went looking for Mom to find that she was in the bathroom, so I snuck really quietly and sat down next to the closed bathroom door and waited for her to come out.

My Mom opened the door so I stood up, screamed really loudly and grabbed her. She got sooooooo scared that she slapped me.

It was the most painful KA-TESH slap EVER (The monkey slap was less painful, LOL) .

I really wonder, why didn’t she find it as funny as I did? HAAHHAHAHA.

Moral of the story 1: Never sneak up on my Mom to scare her.

Moral of the story 2: I perfected the death stare and I scare little 7aki into doing whatever I want, hehehehe.

Run 7aki, Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun

I have a family that is crazy  I tell ya!

But nothing prepared me for what was about to happen. Even the monkey slap was better.

Here’s how it happened:

Once upon a time 7aki aka me was little.

Mama 7aki left “little 7aki senior” at a park.

The end.

I will never forget that day.

My family and 10 other families were at a picnic in Debeen. I Was playing somewhere and I was pretty occupied with whatever a little person gets occupied with. But something felt funny. All of a sudden I didn’t see any faces I recognized. No Mom, no Grandma , no brother, no annoying Grandmas friends, nobody.

I turn to head for the bus we came in and all I saw was the bus driving away leaving a trail of dust behind.

So I started running after the bus. In full speed. RUNNING like my life depended on it.

My life flashed in front of my eyes.

And as I was running I was thinking, “What’s our home phone number again?” and “Where do we live exactly?” and “My family are MOFOS” (Well maybe not MOFOS, Most probably I said “you poopy heads”, I acquired MOFOS later in life but it is sooo fitting here)

But then apparently my mom was like:

“Hey, where’s my flesh and blood?”

No answer

Panic ensues.

Someone sees me running after the bus which was quite far now.

The bus finally stops.

I stop running relieved that someone finally acknowledged my existence.

How could this possibly get any worse?

The bus didn’t come back to get me. I had to run all the way to the bus to board it. Talk about rubbing salt on the wounds!

Why didn’t you come back and get me you MEAN bus driver???

I was scarred for life.

I think it was a sign of things to come

Moral of the story: Learn how to run fast from an early age, you never know when it comes in handy.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 267 other followers