Why 2011 Sucked Ass And Why I Am Glad It’s Behind Me

How I got my ass kicked

2011 kicked my ass.

Career wise: I got the job of my dreams … and lost it. This sucked for me the most and took me about 6 months to get over. The kicker is? My boss loved me, my team loved me, my bosses boss loved me and the project was so cutting edge and so amazing that it got ATTENTION from major corps …. but due to “budget cuts” the project I was working on got cut and I had to go back to my old job. Talking about it re-opens the wounds. SUCKS.

Health wise: Buddha had a lot of health issues this year. My poor baby. She had a severe asthma attack that landed her in the ER after a 911 call. She had pneumonia in November as well. How much can a 3 year old endure? A lot apparently because she is still bubbly and delicious to nibble on nom nom nom .
Little 7aki broke her arm IN THE SUMMER!!!! And I was just exhausted all the time due to the above points, and I cut my finger!!!!

SUCKS ASS.

Extended family wise: Lots of health issues, its part of getting older I guess and part of life but still SUCKS ASS.

Blog wise: WHAT BLOG? I neglected my blog and all the good stuff that comes with it, due to, HELLO, did you read the above!

We did go on nice trips tough and I did watch A LOT of amazing TV. I did join the gym and I did have fun with friends and I read a lot of GREAT books but in general the year was Meh, Blah and Gaaaaah.

2012… BEHAVE!

The Finger

Oh yes you guessed it. It IS this finger.

So on Saturday I managed to slice my finger and it hurts like a MOFO.

The cut was SO deep, I called out: “Babaaaa 7aaaki! I think my finger is cut really badly” He took one look at it and said: “Calm down” which made me automatically  freak out.  Baba 7aki wanted to administer some first aid so he gets a band-aid and a paper towel to wrap it , yeah, we need a first aid kit, and then he SQUEEZED MY FINGER, you don’t understand, the cut was REALLY deep, so I was like, what are you doing? he said, I am applying pressure to stop the bleeding, and he squeezed again, and then I started to see stars and almost fainted. The end.

No. Of course that’s not the end!  Baba 7aki was not allowed to touch my finger after that.

All this happened at 7 pm , we had people coming over for Iftar(dinner) at 8:30. We had food in the oven, buddha was sleeping and I did not want to wake Buddha so I drove myself to the clinic, oh yes I did, and waited for 2 hours to get seen and fixed up.

I have 4 stitches and I am MAD, because see, Monday was my first day off on a 10 day vacation and my MOFO finger needs to be wrapped for SEVEN days before I can go get my stitches taken out.

So for 5 days I can’t get it wet, meaning, HOW WILL I WASH MY HAIR????

Then 2 days I have to freak out every time someone touches my hand because I am removing the bandage.

Then on Sunday I go to get the stitches taken out which leaves me only 3 days of fun.

FML.

Overheard In the Bathroom. Potty Language Advisory

Buddha has been recently, VERY recently, potty trained; she’s been clean for 4 weeks now, I really need to share the experience with you, I am still MORTIFIED at how long it took her to grasp the concept,  maybe a post for some other time.

Due to her newly acquired skills, she is very excited to go to the bathroom, ESPECIALLY a public bathroom, can you please say EWWWWW?????

Yesterday we were invited to a kid friendly wedding, so we took the girls with, and in the span of three hours, no word of a lie,  Buddha asked to go to the bathroom about TWELVE times!!! WTF???

It might be  the foamy soap dispensers that lure her; our house does not provide already foamy soap, you have to actually RUB YOUR HANDS to make it foam. I can already tell that Buddha is high maintenance.

Or is it this Dyson hand dryer? OK guys this thing is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I am not even kidding you, I am positive this thing can launch a rocket that’s how powerful the air blast is. Buddha loves this thing! To be totally honest I love it too, hehehehe, it’s just so much FUN.  It’s like going to a bathroom theme park!!!!

But I digress; at her maybe 8th trip she flipped out because I flushed the toilet, HAHAHAHA, OMG it was so funny! I was in the stall with her and this is what happened:

7aki flushes the toilet. The toilet did not flush fully, toilet paper still in the toilet.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I FLUSH THE TOILET!

7aki: No no I did not flush; see there is still toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOO, you flushed!

7aki: No no I swear LOOK, there is STILL toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOO, you flush my pee! YOU FLUSH MY PEE!!!!

7aki now hears people outside the stall laughing, now I laugh myself; this is just so funny!

Is this what kids reduced us to??? Flush negotiators?

Now while I was resolving the flushing of the pee issue I hear someone peeing in the next stall and I kid you not people it sounded like someone was dumping a bucket of water in the toilet, HAHAHAHAA,  and it was just soooo loud, now little 7aki was in the next stall over and this is what happened:

little 7aki: WHAT IS THAT SOUND???

Now I am muffling my laugh because OMG what IS THAT sound?

Little 7aki: MAMA, WHAT IS THAT SOUND!

I mean little 7aki was loud. SUPER loud. I start giggling , I mean the pee sound is not only loud but this lady is still PEEING, it took her like 5 hours to finish. Maybe if I go there today I will still find her there emptying her bucket!

Little 7aki: WEIRD.

7aki (no longer able to contain myself): HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And this concludes me totally over-sharing today.

 

Passive Aggresive Note ala Toronto Style

Baba 7aki found this note posted in the mens bathroom.

LMAO

 

Ewwwww

I think some people think that when they have headphones on that are cranked up that they become invisible; not only nobody can hear them but also no one can see them.

If I can’t hear me then nobody can … duhhh

Today this guy who had headphones on proceeded to clear his throat and spit out a huge spit ball 5 feet across where he was walking. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW . Like DUDE I am walking right behind you and you are disgusting, oh wait, he has headphones on, duh, he is invisible, I can’t be bothered by an invisible man spitting an invisible spit ball right in front of me….duh me.

Dudes with headphones, before you belt out your favorite song or do that disgusting noise and then proceed to spit LOOK AROUND YOU FIRST.

And that concludes today’s service announcement

And oh, HIIIIIIII READERS , MISS YOUUUUUUUUUU.

Post Edit: WOW, I have not posted here for over 2 months!!!!

Rugsplosion?

So remember when I told you that Armageddon hit the 7aki household and everything turned into hell?

One of the things that happened was that the washing machine broke down and to continue a tradition of eggsplosion 1 and eggsplosion 2 baba 7aki decided to branch out a little into: Rugsplosion.

It was one beautiful cool summer night and Buddha might have, could have ,maybe, ate a little bit too much before going to bed because see, life to Buddha is a never-ending buffet; if there is food and she sees it, she is going to eat it.

So as we are putting her down in her crib to sleep we see the telltale signs of ” OMG RUN TO THE HILLS THE BABY IS GOING TO PUKE” she starts in the crib, we take her out and she continues to hurl on the bedroom carpet, maybe a little bit on the wall and finally on one of those really cute little circular Green Ikea rugs that have paw prints on them, awwwww.

Can't belive I found a picture of it online! It's like 6 years old. Paw prints, awwww

So this is the drill at the 7aki house hold if  Buddha or little 7aki pukes, I clean up the kid, bathe, change clothes and put them to sleep and baba 7aki cleans up … well…. everything else.

I just can’t do the cleaning, I would throw up right then and there, and instead of cleaning the baby’s vomit I have to clean up mine too.

Also I have to say Baba 7aki has built a system and he’s very efficient at it ( I don’t know why I giggle while I type this)  baba 7aki treats vomit cleaning very seriously, VERY SERIOUSLY.

Anyhoo, unbeknownst to me, baba 7aki dumps ALL the vomitty stuff in the washing machine INCLUDING that very cute, green, harmless rug, with the paw prints remember? awwwwww.

And then it explodes in the washing machine, all that is left of it is the mesh that holds the thread on the bottom. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Now baba 7aki doesn’t confess to his crime and he removes the remains of the rug from the washing machine, mind you, not ALL the remains. Then he mentions it in passing, like nothing was wrong about what he did,  that, oh , by the way, there was a rugspolsion in the washing machine.

I GAPE AT HIM, wanted to yell WHAT????? Who in their RIGHT MIND WOULD PUT A RUG IN the WASHING MACHINE??? Instead I made fun of him, hahahaha.

Anyhoo, 2 days later I run a load of laundry and SURPRISE the washer doesn’t work .

Guess what he does? He blames me for breaking it down!!!! Why? Because I didn’t remove ALL the green remains from the machine. There was none by the way.

Men.

I Should have yelled at him when the rugsplosion happened

PS: We had a guy come in and unclog the green stuff from the wahser and we made fun of baba 7aki, teaches him to blame me for breaking the washer.

The Un-review: A Clockwork Orange

I have broken a record with this one.

This is the first time EVER in the history of MY LIFE that I read four pages of a book that:

- Was hailed as number 53 on the readers list and 63 on the boards list as one of the top 100 books of the century.

- I put on hold  at the library.

- Drove to said library and picked up.

- Read reviews about it and said, oh great, this is a Dystopia book just like “1984” and “Brave New World” and I LOVE Dystopia books!

After reading 4 said pages I abandoned the book.

The only way I can describe the book is that it’s like a Dr. Suess book but for adults, you know how Dr. Suess writes; he makes up a lot of words and names for fictional things in his books, but to Dr’s Suess’s credit the names are cute and they rhyme.

Not for “A Clockwork Orange“. The book used the fictional Nadsat slang that is based on the Russian language. So I did not understand ANYTHING while I was reading.

I don’t get how this book landed on the top 100 list! I understand the geniousness (is that a word?) of inventing a slang but COME ON!

Anyway, if you have read the book , tell me , did you like it? Because honestly I wanted to punch it in the face.

There is a movie version of the book so I am going to watch that because I would like to pretend that I am “a learned person”.

I just HOPE it’s in plain English because honestly, life is too short for this kind of stuff.

Click here for REAL book reviews.

A Mystery Uncovered: The Disappearing Socks

Remember that mystery I recently talked about, “The Mystery of the Disappearing Socks”. Why do our socks get lost in the process of washing?

Well wonder no more because I found out HOW and WHERE these things disappear to.

All our theories were wrong; no it was not a washing machine black hole, or a dryer portal to another world.

Are you ready to know where they go? You will NEVER EVER believe it.

To make it easier to explain I added two pictures to illustrate.

I found FIVE socks. They were kind of gross so I won’t be reuniting them with their brothers (or sisters) but at least now I know where they go and I can sleep at night knowing that my house is black hole free.

So anyone with a front loading washing machine, go RIGHT NOW check the drum and report back to me if you find anything.

The Day I Lost My Voice, My Eyeballs Melted and I Went Blind

Not figuratively but literally.

I have been fighting a cold for the last week. Usually this kind of cold would be like NOTHING but because I am the sole nourishment source for one kid and the sole entertainment source for the other it left me spent.

After I started feeling better yesterday , kablaaaaaaaam,  I lost my voice , my voice comes and goes but it surly goes in the most inopportune times.

Like yesterday at the optometrist:

Dr: So tell me what do you see on the wall

Me: A, F, D, pshpshpshpshpsh (pshpshpshpshpsh means that I can’t speak above a whisper) 

Dr: What was that?

Me: I said pshpshpshpshpsh

Dr: ?

Me: Waaaaaaaaaaa3333333.

Let me tell you about my appointment, it was like Chinese torture. For a whole hour I was whisked from one machine to the other until I felt like my eyeballs were going to fall out.

First I was interrogated about my health history. It took so long that I thought they were going to make me pee in a cup after. heheeeeeeeee.

After that it was the machine that would try to figure out how screwed my new prescription was, for anyone who knows what I am talking about it’s the machine with the little house at the end of the road.

Then the machine that would take a picture of the back of the eye ball. First you have to focus on looking forward on a little red dot and then, KABLAM a BLINDING flash , that leaves you …. well … blind… for like 30 seconds. They had to flash my eyes three times. THREE.

All that and I haven’t seen the doctor yet!!!!

Then I go to the doctor and the torture of : “Which lens, number one or number 2″  begins, I hate this part. It’s so stressful I hate it. If you say number 2 and then after you get the glasses it turns out to be number one. Waaaaaa33333.

After she figured out my prescription she then puts eye-drops in my eyes to check for glaucoma, the eye-drops are yellow  ( ew) and I felt my eyeballs were going to melt I swear. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before.

I THOUGHT I was done but noooooooooooo, now they are going to check my peripheral vision, this was THE WORST part. Worse than the blinding flash and the eyeball melting drops.

First I had to wear an eye patch, a pirate eye patch. And that was the best part.

Then they put my head in this white sphere (ish) tunnel (ish) machine and I had to click a mouse every-time I saw a dot of light. Trust me after two minutes focusing forward with one eye you start seeing flashing lights everywhere. After the third minute of this torture I was just clicking away wether I saw lights or not.LOOOL. I had to repeat that for my other eye.

Finally after that I got waaaaaaaay cool new glasses.

And then my eyeballs fell out.

The End.

Déjà vu

Who Would have thought the 7aki household would have another eggsplosion.

You need proof? You can’t handle the proof.

eggsplosion

HAHAHAHAHAHA Baba 7aki is HILARIOUS. And yup, he had to clean it up.

Since this is a regular occurrence at the 7aki household I created a blog category for it. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

EW..An exchange at 7aki’s office

I am not sure if you remember one of our coworkers that goes by the name Alex , click the link, he is featured in exchange 2 but just to recap he is known to be the cheapest man alive. Oh and he’s kinda dirty too.

Bob: I forgot to tell you the best Alex story…..
The other day he was wearing only shorts in the morning so l asked him if wearing shorts was appropriate (only joking). His response…”I forgot my pants at home”.  That is right up there if his excuse ” I forgot my computer at home” (Yes he once showed up to work and he had forgotten his laptop at home. OMG HAHAHAHAHA).

Anyways, he goes down to MEXX and buys a pair of pants to wear at work.  l’m surprised he would buy at MEXX – because its expensive.  Later in the day, after wearing the pants all day, he put them back in the bag and l don’t know for sure, but l think he was returning them.

Just amazing. And l still hate you.

7aki: OMFG. Imagine who is going to wear the pants after him if he returned them…ewwwwwwwwww.

Bob: The kicker….He rides his bike…so he gets very sweaty.
Still hate you.

7aki: But I love you.

Bob hates me because I am leaving him/work for a whole year to take care of peanut and whenever I get the opportunity I rub it in his face and tell him, “haha, sucks to be yooooooouuuuuuu”.

Bob wishes he was pregnant too. What men would do for a year off.

Yesterday I finalized my paper work and my last day at work? Sept 1st, wooooohoooooooooooo.

Gosh I love Canada, Will be off and get paid for a whole year. LOVE IT.

NC-17: No one under 17 is allowed . Some Of My Favorite Blogs Rated

Keeping with the theme of the previous post I rated some of the blogs on my blog roll, similar to a movie rating and oh boy this is just tooo funny.

1) First all the bloggers that are RATED G where all ages are admitted:

First Let me Rate Roba’s And Far away. You can practically give your kids Roba’s link with no fear.

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Then I rated Naseems Black Iris, Also pretty good, but Naseem, you said Bitches!!!! LOL.

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Then It was Hamza‘s turn, Hamza, how many times do I have to tell you to stop blogging about your drugs escapades????? HAHAHA. J/K

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The Observer, Awwwww even the worst word you used was pain. PUTS ALL OF YOU TO SHAME!!!!

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Hani Obaid was not too bad, maybe by ass he meant Donkey? LOL

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Then it was Bakkouz‘s Turn . Shame on you Bakkouz. Oh the language you use.  Actually Bakkouz is pretty good. I think he meant Donkey too. HAHAHA

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2) Now we enter the blogs where some PARENTAL GUIDANCE is required where some material may not be suitable for Children:

First off the shock of  the century is non other than Kinzi 8O .Oh kinzi the violence you have on your blog. LOL. I honestly thought Kinzi’s blog will return nothing but it did. Life is always full of surprises.

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Then it was KJ’s . So you get PG for saying Crap??? Hmmm, I demand a recount. I think you should be in the rated G pile :-P .

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3) Now we enter the realm of those blogs that kinda hover on the edge of being bad, the PG-13 blogs where Some material may not be appropriate for Children under 13.

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First off non other than me, 7aki. Wow, violent and a potty mouth. And people send me emails sometimes telling me that my site is a family site and I keep telling them, dudes, trust me, it’s not.

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Hareega is also rated PG-13. I laughed sooooooo hard when I read the words he uses. Hareega, a question: Why are you obsessed with faltulance? LOOOOOOOOL.

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4) Now we start going into the serious stuff, The blogs Rated R. That people under 17 need an accompanying parent or guardian.

The first and only blog on this list is Bambam.

Wow I never knew that Scat means Poop. Again, we live and learn.

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5) THEN I rated Rambling Hal’s , and oh boy you are in for the ride of your life. The undefeated champion of all blogs. Drum rolllll pleaaaaaaaaaaase.

NC-17: No one under 17 is allowed 8O HAHAHAHAHA. walik Hal shu haaaaaaad? My favorite word is stab.  LMAO

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To see how your blog rates go here

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The Ugliest Thing I Have EVER Seen

OH MY GOD this is THE ugliest hat I have EVER seen. I mean Sarah Jessica Parker is already ugly but now she sprouted this monstrosity on her head.

Why oh why ????

I think I should refrain from sleeping tonight just in case her hat haunts me in my dreams.

And also is she even able to move her head? I would not want to sit behind her watching a movie and IN CANNES London.

Update: It is not photoshopped. Here’s the source.

The Attack of The Plug-in

OK to start off. HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

I think the plug-in series is going to be the equivalent of a star wars series. There were six of them so what do you call that? a six-ology?

Read this and this for some background information on the subject.

3 weeks ago plug-in sighting: MY BATHROOM. The place where I go the SECOND I wake up. LIKE DUDE. Like SERIOUSLY.

So I unplug it and put it somewhere.

Another sighting 2 weeks after that: The hallway right outside of my bedroom. Sigh.

 So you guessed it, I unpulg it AGAIN…. BUT wait till you see what I did next :D ….

The plug-in current resting place: Hiding under the bed in the guest bedroom. HAHAHAHAH he’ll never find it now. Rest in peace plug-in. 

Oh shoot, what if he reads this post???? OK I will go hide it somewhere else.

Total number of times I had to unplug the plug-in so far: 5. Did you read that people? FIVE.

Oh the trials and tribulation’s of being pregnant.

Nasty Words

I was reading this post and the blogger asked what are the 3 nasty words that make you cringe. The words aren’t necessarily meant to be disgusting but you always cringe when you hear them .

My words are:

1) Chafing .
Especially when used in the context chafing dish . It just sounds dirty!

2) Ooze.
Ewwwww. 
Well, the only time I like the word ooze is if something is oozing with hot molten chocolate, that does not make me cringe.

3) Moist
I have to agree on this one, it’s just wrong, it sounds so gross. Try saying it three times in a row slowly while imagining something moist. It’s never a good image. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.

So what words make you go ewwwwwwww?

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