Overheard at the Office: The One Percent.

Capture

Bob:  The 7aki’s are part of the 1 percent

7aki: Holllaaaaaaa.  But why does the 99 percent go on more vacations?

Bob: Two reasons:

1-      To escape a horrible day to day life

2-      They don’t have jobs that have responsibility

7aki:  So if you have more money you have less time to enjoy it. SOOOOOO IRONIC! Best case scenario, Baba 7aki makes lots of money and I quit my job to enjoy it!

Bob:  I think you have the answer!!!  I don’t want to work.

7aki:  Your lucky wife is not working.

Bob:  My wife does it all…but that is the problem. Trying to have it all, makes it stressful. Even my mother has told me to tell her to relax – cuz she will die early and leave me a widower.

7aki:  A widower to marry someone younger Aaaahahahahahahahahahha.

Bob:  Hahahahaha…. l should take out a bigger insurance policy!  Is there anything sacred that WE won’t joke about?

Overheard While Fundraising

 

Little 7aki has a magazine sale fundraiser at her school. 7aki emailed all the friends and family to buy a magazine.

——————————————-

7aki: Buy a magazine or !!!!! LOL.

 Bob: I got the email last night. I promise to buy something – anything to help a high income school district generate even more money.

 7aki: You need to buy something today; it’s the deadline, so Little 7aki can get a useless gift. In true 7aki fashion I waited to send this in the last minute, little 7aki is not thrilled with me. I told her, I will take her to the dollar store and buy her that stupid eye that lights up.

 Bob: Seriously today or is this a sales pressure tactic? Do l have until midnight?

 7aki: You have until midnight.

 Bob: Why don’t you just buy $1000 worth of magazine…then gift them to everyone for birthdays and Christmas. Little 7aki gets her useless toy – and you don’t have to buy presents.

HAHAHAHA – take little 7aki to the dollar store. You are raising them right (in all seriousness)

 7aki: It’s so funny how kids want the stupidest things. If she sells one magazine she gets a wrist band, that is useless. If she sells three she gets both the wrist band and the eye that lights up, which is also useless. And if she sells 6 she gets all of the above and a water bottle.

So you have to sell 300 dollars’ worth of magazines to get useless gifts worth 5 dollars! LOL. SHOOT ME NOW.

 Bob: Tell me about it…we went to the open house and the school was selling stuff to raise money. I ended spending $10 – on a crappy school hat and a cheap ass band. Right now they are raising money through a dance-a-thon. It’s an endless pit.

 7aki: We have a dance-a-thon, a magazine sale, a school fair, a summer BBQ and hoola-hoop-a-thon PLUS the scholastic rape.

 Bob: HAHAHAHAHA – scholastic rape.

So true – every month. Actually it’s like scholastic PMS.

 7aki: HAHAHA scholastic PMS. SOOOO FUNNY!!!!

1 day later ….

 Bob: Okay – l checked out the prices.  It will be cheaper if l just buy little 7aki a Swarovski bead bracelet!

 7aki: AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Overheard in May – Testosterone

Bob: So I’m reading this story of the Indian dude Anil Kumar who gave insider secrets to a hedge fund. Anil had everything – power, money, prestige etc – he risked it all for about 2 million dollars.That is nothing compared to the compensation he was earning. I don’t get why people risk for so little. What was the motivation? There wasn’t even a chick involved here.It can’t be greed.

Maybe smart people are just stupid.

7aki: Today there was this guy talking about risk taking (specifically in the financial sector) and how it affects your body. This guy is very successful and success increases the testosterone level in men which causes over confidence which causes people to take stupid risks.

He is a text book case.

Bob: I hate arrogance – and l actually love watching arrogant people go down.
I’m glad l’m awesome without the arrogance – LOL

7aki: Hahahaha.

You must have the lowest level of testosterone EVER since you are so averse to risk.

Add that to the multiple insults I rain on you.

Bob: Ouch!

If l didn’t have such a low testosterone count – l would respond

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I blame the foot. (His ankle was broken and he was immobile)

It totally de- testosteronized you

Bob: Your passive aggressive behavior is increasing in intensity.

Are you sure my foot is not an excuse for some other deep seeded frustration?

Tell me about your child hood. LOL

7aki: HAHAHAHA.

And all this time I thought I was being flat out aggressive! I have to kick it up a notch.

My childhood sucked ass.

Bob: Maybe l can borrow some of your testosterone.

You should change your signature line to:

Don’t Mess,
7aki

7aki: I am hormonally imbalanced and I can’t even blame pregnancy.

I just crazy. LOL

That’s what happens when you have too many uncontrollable things in your life.

And who takes the brunt of my frustrations? You and baba 7aki. LOL.

Bob: On the crazy scale 7aki – you don’t even rate :)

7aki: And you have lots of testosterone Bob *hugs*

Bob: hahahahaha…too funny.

I love us.

Overheard at the Office

Yes they are!

Bob: This is 2 days in a row – where you are too well made up to work in this joint. You should be working in the financial district.

7aki: I should!!!!! Tell those bitchez!

Bob: Like they say, dress for the job you want, not the one you have…I look forward to Monday to see what else comes out of your closet.

7aki: A gay man.

Bob: Hahahahaha.

I’d Rather Be Poor

Bob: Its only 9:36 AM and wifey just called me from a store and wants to buy 2 patio lounge chairs. $120 Dollars . done .

7aki: Hahahaha

Bob: Who the eff goes to the store this early. The staff are probably saying what the eff!

7aki : She’s on a mission. You should buy that BMW you always wanted before your wife spends all your money.

Bob: You are right!

After a short pause..

Bob: Also, we have a complete patio set. We don’t need more shit!

7aki: You know what you should do? For every amount she spends on shit you don’t need take an equal amount and put it in a savings acount; call it “car fund”.

After another short pause..

7aki:  But, why don’t you just say: NO, don’t buy it.

Bob: Then l have to deal with an unhappy person; I’d rather be poor.

7aki: Words of wisdom my friend; the shit you say needs to be quoted somewhere!

Ho’ing

Little Buddha: What’s that noise? Is someone ho’ing outside.

7aki (double take) : What was that? whose doing what?

Little Buddha: I hear baba ho’ing outside.

7aki: 8O ? what?

little Buddha: He is ho’ing the lawn.

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You mean MOWING the lawn?

little Buddha: Yeah, ho’ing the lawn.

7aki to Baba 7aki through the window: Hey, baba 7aki, will ya take a break from ho’ing please! HAHAHAHAHA.

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Happy Eid my loyal readers. And please it’s Eid! You should stop ho’ing the lawn and take a break and go out and have some fun.

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Also in other exciting news, you can now comment on the blog using your twitter handle or your facebook profile! thanks to the gorgeous people of WordPress :D .

Double Douchy

(A guest post by Bob)

I hate my job so much that l’d rather spend time detailing inane conversations l have….

Sunday night, wife and l are at the park sitting on the bench watching the kids play. My cellphone rings and l quickly take a look at the call display and promptly put it back in my pocket – deciding not to answer the call. It was from a friend that l can only talk with if I’m drunk or in extremely great mood – cuz the conversation is always me, me and some more me.

Wife says to me aren’t you gonna answer the call?

I say “Not really in the mood”

Wife responds ‘Not answering calls is the douchiest (is this even a word?) thing l know that you do. If someone has taken the time to call, why don’t you just answer?”

So l tell her, “You got this all wrong, the telephone is for my convenience, not the callers. I pay extra each month for the convenience of call display so l can filter.”

Wife says ‘I still think its douchy. In fact your reasoning is douchy. So its double douchy. So what do you think you do is considered douchy?”

So before l responded, l thought of all the real douchy things l do but couldn’t tell her….

- getting text from wife saying how much she misses me and then responding likewise (but l wasn’t)

- getting text from wife saying ‘Thinking of you’ and then responding likewise (but I wasn’t thinking of her at that moment)

- I think l’m superior cuz l watch more intellectual movies and read deeper books than her

I thoughtfully considered my options and l went for the funny response. I said ‘The douchiest thing l do is l clean vagina! ‘

I thought it was funny but she didn’t. So l quickly came up with another answer that l thought would result in the least amount of person injury.

“I avoid coworkers on their last day to avoid awkward goodbyes”

She says ‘That is douchy”

So, what douchy things do you do?

 

Overheard on Monday

7aki: I hate Monday.

Bob: Monday is an ass.

7aki: Eff Monday.

Bob: Monday should be shot.

7aki: Monday should be stabbed with a pencil.

Bob: I spit on Monday.

7aki: (Tottaly unbloggable, no seriously).

Bob: Monday is a whore ( HAHAHAHAHA, That’s too funny!).

7aki: You know who I want to stab? The music guy at Union station who plays the steel drum. ANNOYING.

Bob: I am sure the music guy wants to be stabbed.

7aki: I want to BOMB Monday. You know who else I want to stab? The weather guy, he said it’s going to be cold but it’s not and I have a light jacket on.

Bob: Monday traffic should be bleeeeep (totally unbloggable).

7aki: I just got into work and I want to stab (a co-worker who is annoying as hell, his indecision is just debilitating).

Bob: You’ll have to wait till 11 when he get’s in, lazy MOFO.

7aki: Monday is a bastard.

______________________________________________________________________

7aki note: My apologies to asses, whores and bastards, you are totally better than Mondays.

 

Overheard In the Bathroom. Potty Language Advisory

Buddha has been recently, VERY recently, potty trained; she’s been clean for 4 weeks now, I really need to share the experience with you, I am still MORTIFIED at how long it took her to grasp the concept,  maybe a post for some other time.

Due to her newly acquired skills, she is very excited to go to the bathroom, ESPECIALLY a public bathroom, can you please say EWWWWW?????

Yesterday we were invited to a kid friendly wedding, so we took the girls with, and in the span of three hours, no word of a lie,  Buddha asked to go to the bathroom about TWELVE times!!! WTF???

It might be  the foamy soap dispensers that lure her; our house does not provide already foamy soap, you have to actually RUB YOUR HANDS to make it foam. I can already tell that Buddha is high maintenance.

Or is it this Dyson hand dryer? OK guys this thing is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I am not even kidding you, I am positive this thing can launch a rocket that’s how powerful the air blast is. Buddha loves this thing! To be totally honest I love it too, hehehehe, it’s just so much FUN.  It’s like going to a bathroom theme park!!!!

But I digress; at her maybe 8th trip she flipped out because I flushed the toilet, HAHAHAHA, OMG it was so funny! I was in the stall with her and this is what happened:

7aki flushes the toilet. The toilet did not flush fully, toilet paper still in the toilet.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I FLUSH THE TOILET!

7aki: No no I did not flush; see there is still toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOO, you flushed!

7aki: No no I swear LOOK, there is STILL toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOO, you flush my pee! YOU FLUSH MY PEE!!!!

7aki now hears people outside the stall laughing, now I laugh myself; this is just so funny!

Is this what kids reduced us to??? Flush negotiators?

Now while I was resolving the flushing of the pee issue I hear someone peeing in the next stall and I kid you not people it sounded like someone was dumping a bucket of water in the toilet, HAHAHAHAA,  and it was just soooo loud, now little 7aki was in the next stall over and this is what happened:

little 7aki: WHAT IS THAT SOUND???

Now I am muffling my laugh because OMG what IS THAT sound?

Little 7aki: MAMA, WHAT IS THAT SOUND!

I mean little 7aki was loud. SUPER loud. I start giggling , I mean the pee sound is not only loud but this lady is still PEEING, it took her like 5 hours to finish. Maybe if I go there today I will still find her there emptying her bucket!

Little 7aki: WEIRD.

7aki (no longer able to contain myself): HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And this concludes me totally over-sharing today.

 

Urgent World Wide Search

I have lost something dear to me and I am announcing here on the internet in hopes that SOMEONE out there will find it.

I am so sad by this loss and honestly horrified at the idea of never finding it. Honestly I just want to cry right now.

When you have something that was with you since your teenage years and then suddenly you wake up one morning with no warning and it just …poof… disappears; it will mortify you.

Can you please help me by putting the word out there in hopes someone sees it?

I lost…

.

.

I lost …..

.

I lost my waist …. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

WTF waist? Where the eff did you go?  Seriously, this is NOT funny!

You think it’s sooooooooo funny that you just decided to just…DISAPPEAR!!!!!

Not cool and NOT FUNNY.

Is it the donuts that upset you? Those Tim Hortons Honey Crullers that I JUST discovered, seriously I have been in Canada for 10 years and I JUST discovered them, they are like a donut cloud that melts in your mouth. Is it because they are the most fattening donut Timmys has? IS IT? I will leave them if you promise to come back.

Or is it all those cotton candy I am having that they JUST STARTED selling at the store IN A BUCKET!!! Yes IN A BUCKET. Ahhhh, now that is just amazing.  IS IT? For you I will abandon them.

Or, or , please don’t say its the Chilli fries that I LOVE, please don’t let me leave them.. PLEAAAAAAAASE.  Are they? I will also leave them to win you back.

Waist, I miss you.

Do you know what happened since you left? I now sometimes have a little teeeeeeny tiny muffin top. WAAAAAAH.

Please come back (name that song).

Love you,

7aki’s muffin top.

PS:  They say the best part of the muffin is the top so if you decide not to come back then, psshhhhh, WHO NEEDS YOU.

PPS: Also, it seems my butt has transferred to my muffin top too, waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

PPPS: NOT FUNNY!!!!!

Bridesmaids: The Movie

I have not laughed so hard at a movie theater for a very, very , very long time! So long in fact I actually don’t remember when.

The movie was well scripted, well cast and well directed.

I did not stop laughing throughout the whole movie;  you HAVE to go see it.  Its much funnier than hangover and I am NOT exaggerating.

Loved it.

 

Winning

This is selling in  downtown Toronto  EVERYWHERE! Could be yours for the low price of 19.99!

It’s a T-Shirt. CRACKS.ME.UP!

 

Passive Aggresive Note ala Toronto Style

Baba 7aki found this note posted in the mens bathroom.

LMAO

 

How to Prepare For Judgment Day May 21, 2011

So tomorrow is the end of the world as we know it, well according to Harold Camping anyways, so this post is a “how to” get ready for judgment day.

-If you are a believer, and only a believer in the religions that say there is a judgment day, build yourself a hammock, relax, make yourself a cocktail and enjoy the show because, hey, you are going to heaven!

- If you are a believer in other religions that do not, per say, endorse the apocalypse rest assured; believing in something might score you some points and you might end up OK after all so maybe you should not build a hammock right away; you should run to the nearest worship temple and pray. Then build a hammock and make yourself a drink.

- Now if you are an Atheist, Agnostic or an unbeliever then I am sorry my friend you are SOL. But do not fear, there are options: you can either rescue a pet  ( hey if the prediction does NOT come true then you would have made some money! BWAHAHAHAHA).  Or maybe go to a rapture day  party because hey, if the prediction DOES come true you might as well have fun before going to hell since you are going there ANYWAY, HA!

In all cases, whatever you are;  the only downside to judgment day not happening  is that you are going to be nursing one helluva hangover.

 

Touché

7aki: Life is a bitch.

Bob: Life wouldn’t be such a bitch if you come up here for lunch. (Up here is really far from where 7aki works)

7aki: How about we meet half way? Name that song.

Bob: Black eyed peas.

Uptown girl you’re So far away so we’ll Meet you in the middle (name those songs)!

When can you make it?

Monday Monday
Ruby Tuesday
Wednesday (couldn’t think of a song)
Thursday (couldn’t think of a song)
Freaky Friday

Can you tell I’m bored.

7aki: Billy Joel and Tyler Kyte?

Lisa Loeb – Tails – Waiting for Wednesday
Lotus – Beautiful Day – Six Weeks Till Wednesday
Jimmy Eat World – Jimmy Eat World – Wednesday
Tori Amos – Scarlet’s Walk – Wednesday

David Bowie – Hours – Thursday’s Child
Rollins Band – Come In And Burn – Thursday Afternoon

Also

Sunday Bloody Sunday
Come Monday
Tuesdays Gone
Friday I’m in Love
Saturday Nights All Right for Fighting

What about the new Friday Firday song? So popular, and the singer is a sister of yours :p

I am more bored than you man.

Bob: LOL – I don’t think Friday Friday girl is a sister – I think she is Latino
I think l’m bored more. I am bored about being bored.

7aki: I am so bored of listening to you say how you are bored about being bored. LOL

Bob: You win.
Now I’m officially bored to death.

7aki: Well I died of boredom and was brought back to life; that experience was boring.

Bob: I listened to one of Stan’s (name changed to protect the innocent) stories recapping an episode from old British sci-fi series that no one in north America has heard of.

7aki: I heard you talking about listening to one of Stan’s stories recapping an episode from old British sci-fi series that no one in north America has heard of and that bored me even more

Bob: You win again. But l’m too bored to care.

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Touché

I am so bored I looked up the word in Wiki

 

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