Overheard In the Bathroom. Potty Language Advisory

Buddha has been recently, VERY recently, potty trained; she’s been clean for 4 weeks now, I really need to share the experience with you, I am still MORTIFIED at how long it took her to grasp the concept,  maybe a post for some other time.

Due to her newly acquired skills, she is very excited to go to the bathroom, ESPECIALLY a public bathroom, can you please say EWWWWW?????

Yesterday we were invited to a kid friendly wedding, so we took the girls with, and in the span of three hours, no word of a lie,  Buddha asked to go to the bathroom about TWELVE times!!! WTF???

It might be  the foamy soap dispensers that lure her; our house does not provide already foamy soap, you have to actually RUB YOUR HANDS to make it foam. I can already tell that Buddha is high maintenance.

Or is it this Dyson hand dryer? OK guys this thing is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I am not even kidding you, I am positive this thing can launch a rocket that’s how powerful the air blast is. Buddha loves this thing! To be totally honest I love it too, hehehehe, it’s just so much FUN.  It’s like going to a bathroom theme park!!!!

But I digress; at her maybe 8th trip she flipped out because I flushed the toilet, HAHAHAHA, OMG it was so funny! I was in the stall with her and this is what happened:

7aki flushes the toilet. The toilet did not flush fully, toilet paper still in the toilet.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I FLUSH THE TOILET!

7aki: No no I did not flush; see there is still toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOO, you flushed!

7aki: No no I swear LOOK, there is STILL toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOO, you flush my pee! YOU FLUSH MY PEE!!!!

7aki now hears people outside the stall laughing, now I laugh myself; this is just so funny!

Is this what kids reduced us to??? Flush negotiators?

Now while I was resolving the flushing of the pee issue I hear someone peeing in the next stall and I kid you not people it sounded like someone was dumping a bucket of water in the toilet, HAHAHAHAA,  and it was just soooo loud, now little 7aki was in the next stall over and this is what happened:

little 7aki: WHAT IS THAT SOUND???

Now I am muffling my laugh because OMG what IS THAT sound?

Little 7aki: MAMA, WHAT IS THAT SOUND!

I mean little 7aki was loud. SUPER loud. I start giggling , I mean the pee sound is not only loud but this lady is still PEEING, it took her like 5 hours to finish. Maybe if I go there today I will still find her there emptying her bucket!

Little 7aki: WEIRD.

7aki (no longer able to contain myself): HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And this concludes me totally over-sharing today.

 

Urgent World Wide Search

I have lost something dear to me and I am announcing here on the internet in hopes that SOMEONE out there will find it.

I am so sad by this loss and honestly horrified at the idea of never finding it. Honestly I just want to cry right now.

When you have something that was with you since your teenage years and then suddenly you wake up one morning with no warning and it just …poof… disappears; it will mortify you.

Can you please help me by putting the word out there in hopes someone sees it?

I lost…

.

.

I lost …..

.

I lost my waist …. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

WTF waist? Where the eff did you go?  Seriously, this is NOT funny!

You think it’s sooooooooo funny that you just decided to just…DISAPPEAR!!!!!

Not cool and NOT FUNNY.

Is it the donuts that upset you? Those Tim Hortons Honey Crullers that I JUST discovered, seriously I have been in Canada for 10 years and I JUST discovered them, they are like a donut cloud that melts in your mouth. Is it because they are the most fattening donut Timmys has? IS IT? I will leave them if you promise to come back.

Or is it all those cotton candy I am having that they JUST STARTED selling at the store IN A BUCKET!!! Yes IN A BUCKET. Ahhhh, now that is just amazing.  IS IT? For you I will abandon them.

Or, or , please don’t say its the Chilli fries that I LOVE, please don’t let me leave them.. PLEAAAAAAAASE.  Are they? I will also leave them to win you back.

Waist, I miss you.

Do you know what happened since you left? I now sometimes have a little teeeeeeny tiny muffin top. WAAAAAAH.

Please come back (name that song).

Love you,

7aki’s muffin top.

PS:  They say the best part of the muffin is the top so if you decide not to come back then, psshhhhh, WHO NEEDS YOU.

PPS: Also, it seems my butt has transferred to my muffin top too, waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

PPPS: NOT FUNNY!!!!!

Passive Aggresive Note ala Toronto Style

Baba 7aki found this note posted in the mens bathroom.

LMAO

 

Things That Irk Me

I needed a snack so I reached into my goodies kitchen cabinet (yes I have one and it’s spilling with stuff) and I got a bag of chips, I opened it and BAM! A post was inspired.

I will list things, despite their insignificance, that irk me:

1) Why are bags of chips big and when you open them they are half full? I know I know you need the air so they won’t crumble but honestly, the amount of chips in these bags is sooo measly that it PISSES ME OFF.

2)Me being pissed of at point number 1. Stan, why are you so mad (name that song)

3) People.

4) People who step off the escalator and stand on the top like idiots. MOVE AWAY BITCHES!

5) Empty milk carton in the fridge, oh the RAGE.

6) Did I say people?

7) High heal shoes that look amazing but mangle your feet, I mean they make you look sexy and 10 feet tall but as soon as you take them off your feet look like ASS.

8.) Speaking of ass, I need to go to the gym, so what irks me is that I CAN’T go to the gym at a reasonable time! It has to be so effing early or soo effing late. Kids, don’t have them!

9) Not winning the lottery.

10) TV shows that have like 3 weeks of breaks between episodes, seriously? YOU SUCK.

And that concludes the rant of the day.

To the one reader that reads this blog *waves hand* what irks you?

 

Ploopy… Pass It On

OH EM GEE it’s May already!

How does time fly like that?

Why has 7aki not been blogging a lot? It’s because life has been bitch slapping 7aki, that’s why.

And 7aki feels that she is bored too and in a totally UN-funny mood for the past 6 months.

So what has been happening?

Kids, work, life.

Also.

7aki turned 35 in March THAT’S WHAT.

7aki blames it all on turning 35. YIKES.

Why am I talking in the third person? LOL.

I am now closer to 40 than I was to 30 and this just sucks ASS. It really does.

I don’t care that 40 is the new 30 blah blah blah I feel different. I feel , what’s the right word here … ploopy … a word I read in one of Little 7aki’s books (name that book), I have no clue what it means but it kind of expresses how I feel.

I feel ploopy.

On another note, do you know the game pass it on? (in Arabic: iltilephone ilkharban) little 7aki comes to me while we are sitting in a group and whispers in my ear: “Ploopy, pass it on” and it CRACKS ME UP EVERY TIME. We now do it with all sorts of things, if she wants to say something she does not want people to hear she whispers it in my ear, says pass it on, and giggles and after that I am a heap on the floor laughing.

It all started with Shaboobs, pass it on, which is another story for another time.

Shaboobs? AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA. So funny. I write it here because I want to remember it when little 7aki is older. It’s a story about The bachelor, a girl called Chantal and her big assets. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Google it.

 

Guy Who Draws on The Elivator Door With His Nose Grease.

It’s hard for me to find anything on the internet that makes me laugh , but this!!!!!!  AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Source

 

A Mystery Uncovered: The Disappearing Socks

Remember that mystery I recently talked about, “The Mystery of the Disappearing Socks”. Why do our socks get lost in the process of washing?

Well wonder no more because I found out HOW and WHERE these things disappear to.

All our theories were wrong; no it was not a washing machine black hole, or a dryer portal to another world.

Are you ready to know where they go? You will NEVER EVER believe it.

To make it easier to explain I added two pictures to illustrate.

I found FIVE socks. They were kind of gross so I won’t be reuniting them with their brothers (or sisters) but at least now I know where they go and I can sleep at night knowing that my house is black hole free.

So anyone with a front loading washing machine, go RIGHT NOW check the drum and report back to me if you find anything.

A Mystery That Will Never Be Solved

This mystery has been plaguing me since I got married.

Well you see, before I got married I never did any laundry so I didn’t even know that this problem existed.

The mystery of the disappearing socks.

Seriously. When I collect the laundry MYSELF and wash it MYSELF and then dry it MYSELF  why is there always at least one orphan sock that does not have a brother (or a sister)?

Where do those socks go? Seriously people, WHERE?

The only theory I can think of is that there is a sock black hole in the washer or dryer that sucks the socks into a different dimension, and that black hole takes the socks to these peoples washing machines where these people are wondering :” Where the heck did this sock come from?”.

You know what would be nice? If these people only had one  foot because they would appreciate the mystery sock. If they had two feet then they would be like, WTF, why did I get this one stupid sock.

Despite this conundrum I always hold out hope of reuniting those orphans with their siblings and that’s why I established a sock orphanage where all those lonely mate-less socks reside in the hope of them being some day reunited with their siblings.

But the sad truth is that based on very reliable statistics the probability of those socks being reunited with their siblings is slim to none.

A Public Service Announcement

When you place a new toilet paper roll (and for all that’s holy in the world) it has to be over like so :

Goooooooooood

Goooooooooood

And not under like so:

Evil. BAD BAD BAD

Evil. BAD BAD BAD

End of public service announcement.

You are welcome.

Why? Some Pointless Questions

1) When we store eggs why do we have to put the pointy side down?

2) How are diapers made? And what’s that super absorbent gel?

3) Why does baby breath smell soooo good? I swear it smells like vanilla or like sweetness and yummyness. I think we should bottle that smell, it could make any woman swoon. I think it’s the baby’s gums that add to the OMGodness, OMG the gums are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo awesome!!!!!! I love the gums, I can’t say enough about how much I LOVE THE TOOTHLESS GUMS. So help me God.

4) Why do I torture myself and stay up late after the kids go to sleep at night and suffer in the morning? I HATE ME …. sometimes.

5) Why are you reading this post?

6) Why is the sky blue? I always forget this piece of information, no matter how many times I look it up, I forget.

7) Why do bloggers say goodbye and say I am done with blogging forever and blah blah and then they come back? These people bore me, I mean, if you want to stop blogging you just do that, you stop. Like Hani, he just stopped, Hani, we miss you come back

8 ) Will I ever be able to live in an Arab country again? Especially Jordan?

9) Seriously. Why are you reading this post?

10) Why do I want to have another baby when my baby is only five months old? Peoples, I have the “I want to have a baby” fever and I HAVE A BABY already!!!! Maybe I’m a quintuplet Mom in the making?
But peanut is sooooooooo good peoples, and did I tell you her breath smells sweet and delicious?

11) Who is the MOFO who said women have to remove the hair on their bodies? Who started this MOFO trend? Well, if you find that person AKA MOFO tell them I said EF YOU, MOFO!!!!

12) Why do people, when they travel to a different country, go shopping although the place they live has the exact same stuff? It’s like vacation makes the money you have seem like monopoly money. So, why?

13) Why are we on this earth?
I think we are on this earth to smell babies sweet breath. Cos peoples, I tell you, it’s worth it. I am going to start a new religion. I’ll call it BSB HAHAHAHA

14) Is funk dead?

15) What is funk?

16) How do they sell liquid milk that is not refrigerated? How is it made? Does is scare you that it does not spoil outside of the fridge? Is it made of alien milk?

17) Why is cabin fever called cabin fever?

18) Why?

What’s Your Word?


Your Word is “Fearless”


You see life as your one chance to experience everything, and you just go for it!
You believe the biggest risk is being afraid and missing out on something amazing.

Sometimes your fearlessness means you’re daring. You enjoy risky activities.
And sometimes your fearlessness means you’re courageous. You’re brave enough to do the right thing, even when it’s scary.

My Technorati Ranking

So I haven’t checked technorati for maybe a year and my ranking now is 27,620 and my authority is  147 8O .

That’s pretty high(ish) peoples. (Not realy that high).

The question is ………….. why? HAHAHAHAHAHA

I guess people like blogs about nothing.

Find your ranking.

Captain Buzzing Warrior

If I was a Super Hero this is what I would be.

myhero

This is LOTS of fun. Click here to create your own  and tell me about it so I can check it out :D .

Found out about it at Dave’s ( He has an awesome blog by the way)

Kids these days have it sooooo easy.

I do realize that this is an old joke and  I am actually copying and pasting but I can’t resist. It made me chuckle. And you youngER readers. I am not that old :-P but I can relate. LOL. I was actually 11 in 1987 .

The text in bold made me laugh out loud. I can SOOOOOOO relate. STUPID ATARI, in fact, I bought an ATARI game (has ALL the ATARI games on one CD)  for my PS3 and OMG they are sooooo hard!!! How was I even good at ATARI when I was younger??? I was GOOD people, now I can barely keep up, just like life , hehehehe.

OK OK I’ll stop rambling, here’s the joke:

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up, what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year ’round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death.

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But…

Now that I’ve reached the ripe old age of 30-something, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so damned easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia.
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t even know how good you’ve got it. I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet — we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no e-mail! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen. And then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in a mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself. Try sticking an LP album under your jacket, buddy. Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ’d usually talk over the beginning and screw it all up!
We didn’t have fancy stuff like Call Waiting. If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal. And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID Boxes, either. When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was — it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent — you didn’t know! You just had to pick it up and take your chances.

And we didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics, we had the Atari 2600. With games like Space Invaders and Asteroids, and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever. And you could never win the game, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died. Just like life.

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on. And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning. D’ya hear what the hell I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for a cartoon, you spoiled little bastards.
That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy! You wouldn’t last five minutes back in 1987!

STUFF TO STEAL

I stole this meme from “Life: The Ongoing Education

I am: Super excited about having the baby but at the same time terrified of how busy it will be, the pain of breastfeeding, not sleeping and not having enough time for my little 7aki and baba 7aki or most importantly myself.
I think: I will be OK.
I know: That next year will be one of the best years of my life although taking care of a baby is not that easy I am happy that I don’t have to study or work or do anything of that sort for a whole year, been studying and working ALL MY LIFE.
I have: So many things to do in the next month it’s not even funny, biddi mamaaaaa.. waaaaaaaaaa333333333.
I wish: I had all my family and friends here living in Canada. I always miss them so much. And I wish I had a Dad in my life now and in the past.
I hate: How lazy I am sometimes. And I hate Braxton Hicks HATE THEM. And I hate how the days are so short and I hate…OK I’ll stop. I hate a lot. LOL.
I miss: Being active. Rollerblading, biking, camping and being free of all responsibilities.
I fear: The loss of loved ones. It terrifies me.
I hear: The birds reall early in the morning. the silence of really late at night and the clicking of keyboards and the thunder, oh the thunder, will it stop EFFING raining this summer. Grrrrrrrrr.
I smell: The smell of bookstores. It is my favorite smell in the world. And also the smell of Jasmine
I crave: Stuffed grape leaves and Mansaf.
I search: For something that I am missing but I don’t know what it is. I am always searching for soemthing. I also search for my car keys because I have pregnancy brain and I can’t focus to save my life.
I wonder: About my future a lot.
I regret: Nothing.
I love: The people in my life. My Husband and daughter especially.
I ache: EVERYWHERE. IS THIS baby ever gonna come out OR WHAT!!!!
I am not: Religiuos.
I believe: That good things happen to good people.
I dance: Rarely.
I sing: A lot, especially in the shower.
I cry: When I am sick. I do , I am such a baby when I am sick.
I fight: For my rights with tooth and nail. Nobody is going to rob me of my rights without a fight. Luckily,  it happens rarely that I need to fight. Right now I am fighting the urge to fall asleep, had a huge lunch… YAWN.
I win: In poker all the time although I can’t play that well. I think my bluffing skills are superior.
I lose: Weight when I am stressed.
I never: Want to experience being poor ever again.
I always: Carry a good amount of cash in my wallet you never know when you need it.
I confuse: Peoples names all the time. Pregnancy brain or not I am sooo bad with names that I don’t know how people still like me.
I listen: Really well and I remember everything I was told. Be carefull what you tell me. I retain weird stuff in my memmory. Except for names bizare but yeah.
I can usually be found: At home.
I am scared: Of the dark inside the house but does not bother me one bit outside. Well I am really not scared of the dark itself, I am scared of that person hiding in the dark waiting for me to sleep.
I need: Some alone time every once in a while.
I am happy about: My life in general. I am just bored a little.
I imagine: My future all the time. Right now I am imagining how Sept 2nd is going to be. I can’t wait for Sept 2nd.

So go on ahead. Do this meme. It’s actually fun.

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