Overheard at the Office: The One Percent.

Capture

Bob:  The 7aki’s are part of the 1 percent

7aki: Holllaaaaaaa.  But why does the 99 percent go on more vacations?

Bob: Two reasons:

1-      To escape a horrible day to day life

2-      They don’t have jobs that have responsibility

7aki:  So if you have more money you have less time to enjoy it. SOOOOOO IRONIC! Best case scenario, Baba 7aki makes lots of money and I quit my job to enjoy it!

Bob:  I think you have the answer!!!  I don’t want to work.

7aki:  Your lucky wife is not working.

Bob:  My wife does it all…but that is the problem. Trying to have it all, makes it stressful. Even my mother has told me to tell her to relax – cuz she will die early and leave me a widower.

7aki:  A widower to marry someone younger Aaaahahahahahahahahahha.

Bob:  Hahahahaha…. l should take out a bigger insurance policy!  Is there anything sacred that WE won’t joke about?

Overheard in May – Testosterone

Bob: So I’m reading this story of the Indian dude Anil Kumar who gave insider secrets to a hedge fund. Anil had everything – power, money, prestige etc – he risked it all for about 2 million dollars.That is nothing compared to the compensation he was earning. I don’t get why people risk for so little. What was the motivation? There wasn’t even a chick involved here.It can’t be greed.

Maybe smart people are just stupid.

7aki: Today there was this guy talking about risk taking (specifically in the financial sector) and how it affects your body. This guy is very successful and success increases the testosterone level in men which causes over confidence which causes people to take stupid risks.

He is a text book case.

Bob: I hate arrogance – and l actually love watching arrogant people go down.
I’m glad l’m awesome without the arrogance – LOL

7aki: Hahahaha.

You must have the lowest level of testosterone EVER since you are so averse to risk.

Add that to the multiple insults I rain on you.

Bob: Ouch!

If l didn’t have such a low testosterone count – l would respond

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I blame the foot. (His ankle was broken and he was immobile)

It totally de- testosteronized you

Bob: Your passive aggressive behavior is increasing in intensity.

Are you sure my foot is not an excuse for some other deep seeded frustration?

Tell me about your child hood. LOL

7aki: HAHAHAHA.

And all this time I thought I was being flat out aggressive! I have to kick it up a notch.

My childhood sucked ass.

Bob: Maybe l can borrow some of your testosterone.

You should change your signature line to:

Don’t Mess,
7aki

7aki: I am hormonally imbalanced and I can’t even blame pregnancy.

I just crazy. LOL

That’s what happens when you have too many uncontrollable things in your life.

And who takes the brunt of my frustrations? You and baba 7aki. LOL.

Bob: On the crazy scale 7aki – you don’t even rate :)

7aki: And you have lots of testosterone Bob *hugs*

Bob: hahahahaha…too funny.

I love us.

Why 2011 Sucked Ass And Why I Am Glad It’s Behind Me

How I got my ass kicked

2011 kicked my ass.

Career wise: I got the job of my dreams … and lost it. This sucked for me the most and took me about 6 months to get over. The kicker is? My boss loved me, my team loved me, my bosses boss loved me and the project was so cutting edge and so amazing that it got ATTENTION from major corps …. but due to “budget cuts” the project I was working on got cut and I had to go back to my old job. Talking about it re-opens the wounds. SUCKS.

Health wise: Buddha had a lot of health issues this year. My poor baby. She had a severe asthma attack that landed her in the ER after a 911 call. She had pneumonia in November as well. How much can a 3 year old endure? A lot apparently because she is still bubbly and delicious to nibble on nom nom nom .
Little 7aki broke her arm IN THE SUMMER!!!! And I was just exhausted all the time due to the above points, and I cut my finger!!!!

SUCKS ASS.

Extended family wise: Lots of health issues, its part of getting older I guess and part of life but still SUCKS ASS.

Blog wise: WHAT BLOG? I neglected my blog and all the good stuff that comes with it, due to, HELLO, did you read the above!

We did go on nice trips tough and I did watch A LOT of amazing TV. I did join the gym and I did have fun with friends and I read a lot of GREAT books but in general the year was Meh, Blah and Gaaaaah.

2012… BEHAVE!

I’d Rather Be Poor

Bob: Its only 9:36 AM and wifey just called me from a store and wants to buy 2 patio lounge chairs. $120 Dollars . done .

7aki: Hahahaha

Bob: Who the eff goes to the store this early. The staff are probably saying what the eff!

7aki : She’s on a mission. You should buy that BMW you always wanted before your wife spends all your money.

Bob: You are right!

After a short pause..

Bob: Also, we have a complete patio set. We don’t need more shit!

7aki: You know what you should do? For every amount she spends on shit you don’t need take an equal amount and put it in a savings acount; call it “car fund”.

After another short pause..

7aki:  But, why don’t you just say: NO, don’t buy it.

Bob: Then l have to deal with an unhappy person; I’d rather be poor.

7aki: Words of wisdom my friend; the shit you say needs to be quoted somewhere!

Double Douchy

(A guest post by Bob)

I hate my job so much that l’d rather spend time detailing inane conversations l have….

Sunday night, wife and l are at the park sitting on the bench watching the kids play. My cellphone rings and l quickly take a look at the call display and promptly put it back in my pocket – deciding not to answer the call. It was from a friend that l can only talk with if I’m drunk or in extremely great mood – cuz the conversation is always me, me and some more me.

Wife says to me aren’t you gonna answer the call?

I say “Not really in the mood”

Wife responds ‘Not answering calls is the douchiest (is this even a word?) thing l know that you do. If someone has taken the time to call, why don’t you just answer?”

So l tell her, “You got this all wrong, the telephone is for my convenience, not the callers. I pay extra each month for the convenience of call display so l can filter.”

Wife says ‘I still think its douchy. In fact your reasoning is douchy. So its double douchy. So what do you think you do is considered douchy?”

So before l responded, l thought of all the real douchy things l do but couldn’t tell her….

- getting text from wife saying how much she misses me and then responding likewise (but l wasn’t)

- getting text from wife saying ‘Thinking of you’ and then responding likewise (but I wasn’t thinking of her at that moment)

- I think l’m superior cuz l watch more intellectual movies and read deeper books than her

I thoughtfully considered my options and l went for the funny response. I said ‘The douchiest thing l do is l clean vagina! ‘

I thought it was funny but she didn’t. So l quickly came up with another answer that l thought would result in the least amount of person injury.

“I avoid coworkers on their last day to avoid awkward goodbyes”

She says ‘That is douchy”

So, what douchy things do you do?

 

Overheard In the Bathroom. Potty Language Advisory

Buddha has been recently, VERY recently, potty trained; she’s been clean for 4 weeks now, I really need to share the experience with you, I am still MORTIFIED at how long it took her to grasp the concept,  maybe a post for some other time.

Due to her newly acquired skills, she is very excited to go to the bathroom, ESPECIALLY a public bathroom, can you please say EWWWWW?????

Yesterday we were invited to a kid friendly wedding, so we took the girls with, and in the span of three hours, no word of a lie,  Buddha asked to go to the bathroom about TWELVE times!!! WTF???

It might be  the foamy soap dispensers that lure her; our house does not provide already foamy soap, you have to actually RUB YOUR HANDS to make it foam. I can already tell that Buddha is high maintenance.

Or is it this Dyson hand dryer? OK guys this thing is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I am not even kidding you, I am positive this thing can launch a rocket that’s how powerful the air blast is. Buddha loves this thing! To be totally honest I love it too, hehehehe, it’s just so much FUN.  It’s like going to a bathroom theme park!!!!

But I digress; at her maybe 8th trip she flipped out because I flushed the toilet, HAHAHAHA, OMG it was so funny! I was in the stall with her and this is what happened:

7aki flushes the toilet. The toilet did not flush fully, toilet paper still in the toilet.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I FLUSH THE TOILET!

7aki: No no I did not flush; see there is still toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOO, you flushed!

7aki: No no I swear LOOK, there is STILL toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOO, you flush my pee! YOU FLUSH MY PEE!!!!

7aki now hears people outside the stall laughing, now I laugh myself; this is just so funny!

Is this what kids reduced us to??? Flush negotiators?

Now while I was resolving the flushing of the pee issue I hear someone peeing in the next stall and I kid you not people it sounded like someone was dumping a bucket of water in the toilet, HAHAHAHAA,  and it was just soooo loud, now little 7aki was in the next stall over and this is what happened:

little 7aki: WHAT IS THAT SOUND???

Now I am muffling my laugh because OMG what IS THAT sound?

Little 7aki: MAMA, WHAT IS THAT SOUND!

I mean little 7aki was loud. SUPER loud. I start giggling , I mean the pee sound is not only loud but this lady is still PEEING, it took her like 5 hours to finish. Maybe if I go there today I will still find her there emptying her bucket!

Little 7aki: WEIRD.

7aki (no longer able to contain myself): HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And this concludes me totally over-sharing today.

 

Urgent World Wide Search

I have lost something dear to me and I am announcing here on the internet in hopes that SOMEONE out there will find it.

I am so sad by this loss and honestly horrified at the idea of never finding it. Honestly I just want to cry right now.

When you have something that was with you since your teenage years and then suddenly you wake up one morning with no warning and it just …poof… disappears; it will mortify you.

Can you please help me by putting the word out there in hopes someone sees it?

I lost…

.

.

I lost …..

.

I lost my waist …. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

WTF waist? Where the eff did you go?  Seriously, this is NOT funny!

You think it’s sooooooooo funny that you just decided to just…DISAPPEAR!!!!!

Not cool and NOT FUNNY.

Is it the donuts that upset you? Those Tim Hortons Honey Crullers that I JUST discovered, seriously I have been in Canada for 10 years and I JUST discovered them, they are like a donut cloud that melts in your mouth. Is it because they are the most fattening donut Timmys has? IS IT? I will leave them if you promise to come back.

Or is it all those cotton candy I am having that they JUST STARTED selling at the store IN A BUCKET!!! Yes IN A BUCKET. Ahhhh, now that is just amazing.  IS IT? For you I will abandon them.

Or, or , please don’t say its the Chilli fries that I LOVE, please don’t let me leave them.. PLEAAAAAAAASE.  Are they? I will also leave them to win you back.

Waist, I miss you.

Do you know what happened since you left? I now sometimes have a little teeeeeeny tiny muffin top. WAAAAAAH.

Please come back (name that song).

Love you,

7aki’s muffin top.

PS:  They say the best part of the muffin is the top so if you decide not to come back then, psshhhhh, WHO NEEDS YOU.

PPS: Also, it seems my butt has transferred to my muffin top too, waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

PPPS: NOT FUNNY!!!!!

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