Little 7aki has a magazine sale fundraiser at her school. 7aki emailed all the friends and family to buy a magazine.

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7aki: Buy a magazine or !!!!! LOL.

 Bob: I got the email last night. I promise to buy something – anything to help a high income school district generate even more money.

 7aki: You need to buy something today; it’s the deadline, so Little 7aki can get a useless gift. In true 7aki fashion I waited to send this in the last minute, little 7aki is not thrilled with me. I told her, I will take her to the dollar store and buy her that stupid eye that lights up.

 Bob: Seriously today or is this a sales pressure tactic? Do l have until midnight?

 7aki: You have until midnight.

 Bob: Why don’t you just buy $1000 worth of magazine…then gift them to everyone for birthdays and Christmas. Little 7aki gets her useless toy – and you don’t have to buy presents.

HAHAHAHA – take little 7aki to the dollar store. You are raising them right (in all seriousness)

 7aki: It’s so funny how kids want the stupidest things. If she sells one magazine she gets a wrist band, that is useless. If she sells three she gets both the wrist band and the eye that lights up, which is also useless. And if she sells 6 she gets all of the above and a water bottle.

So you have to sell 300 dollars’ worth of magazines to get useless gifts worth 5 dollars! LOL. SHOOT ME NOW.

 Bob: Tell me about it…we went to the open house and the school was selling stuff to raise money. I ended spending $10 – on a crappy school hat and a cheap ass band. Right now they are raising money through a dance-a-thon. It’s an endless pit.

 7aki: We have a dance-a-thon, a magazine sale, a school fair, a summer BBQ and hoola-hoop-a-thon PLUS the scholastic rape.

 Bob: HAHAHAHAHA – scholastic rape.

So true – every month. Actually it’s like scholastic PMS.

 7aki: HAHAHA scholastic PMS. SOOOO FUNNY!!!!

1 day later ….

 Bob: Okay – l checked out the prices.  It will be cheaper if l just buy little 7aki a Swarovski bead bracelet!

 7aki: AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Maybe smart people are just stupid.

7aki: Today there was this guy talking about risk taking (specifically in the financial sector) and how it affects your body. This guy is very successful and success increases the testosterone level in men which causes over confidence which causes people to take stupid risks.

He is a text book case.

Bob: I hate arrogance – and l actually love watching arrogant people go down.
I’m glad l’m awesome without the arrogance – LOL

7aki: Hahahaha.

You must have the lowest level of testosterone EVER since you are so averse to risk.

Add that to the multiple insults I rain on you.

Bob: Ouch!

If l didn’t have such a low testosterone count – l would respond

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I blame the foot. (His ankle was broken and he was immobile)

It totally de- testosteronized you

Bob: Your passive aggressive behavior is increasing in intensity.

Are you sure my foot is not an excuse for some other deep seeded frustration?

Tell me about your child hood. LOL

7aki: HAHAHAHA.

And all this time I thought I was being flat out aggressive! I have to kick it up a notch.

My childhood sucked ass.

Bob: Maybe l can borrow some of your testosterone.

You should change your signature line to:

Don’t Mess,
7aki

7aki: I am hormonally imbalanced and I can’t even blame pregnancy.

I just crazy. LOL

That’s what happens when you have too many uncontrollable things in your life.

And who takes the brunt of my frustrations? You and baba 7aki. LOL.

Bob: On the crazy scale 7aki – you don’t even rate

7aki: And you have lots of testosterone Bob *hugs*

Bob: hahahahaha…too funny.

I love us.

Some fun stuff from Jo Bedu:

Lazga indeed!

I just died and went to heaven…

I am dead!

Bisset shaware3…

Zbaleeeeeeh…hahahaha

And the most thing I am excited about…

He even signed it for me!!!!!

Thanks a lot Arab Observer, I can’t wait to read it!!!!

And that concludes my post about …can’t finish, going to eat ba2lawa!!!!!!

Yes they are!

Bob: This is 2 days in a row – where you are too well made up to work in this joint. You should be working in the financial district.

7aki: I should!!!!! Tell those bitchez!

Bob: Like they say, dress for the job you want, not the one you have…I look forward to Monday to see what else comes out of your closet.

7aki: A gay man.

Bob: Hahahahaha.

Same happens at 6:45, 7:15, 7:30.

I hear little feet going down the stairs. Lots of clangy noises from the kitchen. I hear feet coming up the stairs.

Little 7aki while going up the stairs: Buddhaaaaaa, you’re spilling the juuuuuuice!

Little Buddha: But you filled the cup too muuuuuuuuuch.

Little 7aki: Buddhaaaaaa, stop spilling the juice!

Little Buddha: But, but, you’re walking too faaaaast. Slow dowwwwwwwwwn.

I hear my door opening. I see Little 7aki carrying a tray and little Buddha carrying a cup of juice.

Little 7aki and little Buddha: Happy motheeeers daaaaay.

7aki: Awwwwww, you girls made me breakfast in Bed??? You girls are soooo sweet!

Little 7aki: Yes, we made you a turkey sandwich with cheese and butter, Buddha helped me! We put lots of butter because it tastes good.

Little Buddha beaming: And I carried the juice for you!

7aki: I love you girls sooooooo much.

I turn to whisper to Baba 7aki: Do I have to eat a turkey sandwich this early???? Hehehe.

As I take two sips from my juice little Buddha says: Can I have a taste of your juice? (gulp gulp gulp… she drank it all)

As I take a bite out of my sandwich, little 7aki and Buddha say: Can we have a taste of your sandwich? (NOM NOM NOM… they ate it all)

I ended up with no sandwich… no juice … and breadcrumbs all over my bed. HAHAHAHAHA , soooo funny!

But I did end up with the fullest heart! It was the most thoughtful thing an eight and three year old can ever do.

I love my girls.

How I got my ass kicked

2011 kicked my ass.

Career wise: I got the job of my dreams … and lost it. This sucked for me the most and took me about 6 months to get over. The kicker is? My boss loved me, my team loved me, my bosses boss loved me and the project was so cutting edge and so amazing that it got ATTENTION from major corps …. but due to “budget cuts” the project I was working on got cut and I had to go back to my old job. Talking about it re-opens the wounds. SUCKS.

Health wise: Buddha had a lot of health issues this year. My poor baby. She had a severe asthma attack that landed her in the ER after a 911 call. She had pneumonia in November as well. How much can a 3 year old endure? A lot apparently because she is still bubbly and delicious to nibble on nom nom nom .
Little 7aki broke her arm IN THE SUMMER!!!! And I was just exhausted all the time due to the above points, and I cut my finger!!!!

SUCKS ASS.

Extended family wise: Lots of health issues, its part of getting older I guess and part of life but still SUCKS ASS.

Blog wise: WHAT BLOG? I neglected my blog and all the good stuff that comes with it, due to, HELLO, did you read the above!

We did go on nice trips tough and I did watch A LOT of amazing TV. I did join the gym and I did have fun with friends and I read a lot of GREAT books but in general the year was Meh, Blah and Gaaaaah.

2012… BEHAVE!

What’s an anniversary without gifts? A sucky one that’s what it is, hahahaha.

This year we went totally techie and bought each other a joint gift, yes we did. So here is what we got each other together for us:

1) LG 3D TV. Oh yes you read that right, 3D. It’s OUT OF THIS WORLD.

The movie comes in the house

Little Buddha could not stop saying:” Look Mama, the movie is coming into the house!” And asked her Grandma: “Do you know what 3D means? It means the movie is in the house” Looking all smart and knowing. YES , Buddha is going to carry the family techie torch.

2) Panasonic sound bar.

OMG its wireless

It;s a thing of beauty. And the sound is unbelievable.

So we decided we’ll buy these and not get each other any other gifts. But Baba 7aki being the sneaky guy he is went and bought me the most COOLEST headphones EVER!!!

3) Panasonic retro headphones.

They are green.....GREEN!!

They are gorgeous.

Usually I am the one who tricks Baba 7aki, but this time he managed to surprise me .

So yeah, one nice 11 year wedding anniversary full of unnecessary consumption; just the way I like it. Eheheheheheh.

.

It’s a butter … that is made out of …. Wait for it … waiiiit for it … COOKIES!!!!!

It’s Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter.

Heaven in a jar

Who thinks these things up? How crazy is that? Someone sat there and thought, hmmmm, I am going to take some cookies, ground them up and make them into butter because hey, life NEEDS spreadable cookies.

To the person who invented cookie butter, will you marry me?

It is sooo delicious it’s not even funny.

.

Bob: Its only 9:36 AM and wifey just called me from a store and wants to buy 2 patio lounge chairs. $120 Dollars . done .

7aki: Hahahaha

Bob: Who the eff goes to the store this early. The staff are probably saying what the eff!

7aki : She’s on a mission. You should buy that BMW you always wanted before your wife spends all your money.

Bob: You are right!

After a short pause..

Bob: Also, we have a complete patio set. We don’t need more shit!

7aki: You know what you should do? For every amount she spends on shit you don’t need take an equal amount and put it in a savings acount; call it “car fund”.

After another short pause..

7aki:  But, why don’t you just say: NO, don’t buy it.

Bob: Then l have to deal with an unhappy person; I’d rather be poor.

7aki: Words of wisdom my friend; the shit you say needs to be quoted somewhere!

So let me tell you how shitty it has been in the past few months:

- End of May baby Buddha had a very bad, and I am talking very bad respiratory distress emergency, asthma attack, at her daycare and she was barely breathing.

Daycare was HORRIBLE in handling the emergency; instead of calling 911 they waited for us to go pick her up and we are an hour drive away!  Luckily a relative lives close by and went to pick her up and as soon as she took one look at her she was shocked at her state. There is a clinic a hundred meters away and the stupid daycare sat there waiting for us to come save the day. The clinic saw her and called 911 immidiatly and she had to be taken to the hospital by an ambulance and I wasn’t there to go with her . Saying that the train ride home was the longest train ride IN MY LIFE is a understatement.

Some asthma medicine and oxygen fixed Buddha right up and she was fine but I was so stressed and crying the whole ride over.

So, due to the daycares complete and utter negligence we pulled her out that day and we didn’t look back.

They say bad things happen for good reasons and right now she is at the bestest daycare EVER. I am glad we moved her and I am so happy where she is right now. In a way her getting really sick allowed us to find her a much better place to thrive at.

Except it was real and much more less cute

- Not one month later, the FIRST day of summer vacation, little 7aki fell and fractured her arm, while we were at a beach resort none the less.

She had to have the cast on for four weeks. Nothing spells summer fun better than a broken arm!

She was a trooper though, the whole thing barely fazed her and she managed to have a fun summer.

Yup, it was her RIGHT arm that she uses for , you know, EVERYTHING

-  various colds and strep throats and eczema, yaaaaay, fun!

YAAAAAAAAY

- Then I cut my finger with a knife and had four stitches and also had the tetanus shot of death. My finger has not healed yet, yaaaaaay, fun!

I googled: Cut, finger, knife and ewwww the pictures were so gross. So I put a picture of a unicron.

Now that the summer of accidents is over and little 7aki is back to school I am looking forward to us having our boring old routine back.

That's me and my friends celebrating the end of the summer vacation.

YAY for back to school!!!!!

.

Oh yes you guessed it. It IS this finger.

So on Saturday I managed to slice my finger and it hurts like a MOFO.

The cut was SO deep, I called out: “Babaaaa 7aaaki! I think my finger is cut really badly” He took one look at it and said: “Calm down” which made me automatically  freak out.  Baba 7aki wanted to administer some first aid so he gets a band-aid and a paper towel to wrap it , yeah, we need a first aid kit, and then he SQUEEZED MY FINGER, you don’t understand, the cut was REALLY deep, so I was like, what are you doing? he said, I am applying pressure to stop the bleeding, and he squeezed again, and then I started to see stars and almost fainted. The end.

No. Of course that’s not the end!  Baba 7aki was not allowed to touch my finger after that.

All this happened at 7 pm , we had people coming over for Iftar(dinner) at 8:30. We had food in the oven, buddha was sleeping and I did not want to wake Buddha so I drove myself to the clinic, oh yes I did, and waited for 2 hours to get seen and fixed up.

I have 4 stitches and I am MAD, because see, Monday was my first day off on a 10 day vacation and my MOFO finger needs to be wrapped for SEVEN days before I can go get my stitches taken out.

So for 5 days I can’t get it wet, meaning, HOW WILL I WASH MY HAIR????

Then 2 days I have to freak out every time someone touches my hand because I am removing the bandage.

Then on Sunday I go to get the stitches taken out which leaves me only 3 days of fun.

FML.

The DEVIL

… and it’s called Baby Alive Wet and Giggle.

The key word here is WET, she wets her diaper.

KILL ME NOW!!!

Little Buddha, who is almost 3, is OBSESSED with changing her diaper every 5 minutes, I am not exaggerating, we gave it to her , as an Eid present , on Tuesday at 9 and except for her 1.5 hour naps I , yes I, changed her diaper 1,038,754,572,384 times.

But see, this gift, although is evil, is a blessing in disguise; I am now SURE I do not want a third child.

Ahhhhh, that felt good LOL.

And the diapers are none reusable, WTF??? I now need to buy doll diapers???? Are you people on Crack??? So I am heading to the baby store in search of cloth diapers, for preemies, very green of me.

Sigh, what I do for my kids.

Little Buddha: What’s that noise? Is someone ho’ing outside.

7aki (double take) : What was that? whose doing what?

Little Buddha: I hear baba ho’ing outside.

7aki: ? what?

little Buddha: He is ho’ing the lawn.

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You mean MOWING the lawn?

little Buddha: Yeah, ho’ing the lawn.

7aki to Baba 7aki through the window: Hey, baba 7aki, will ya take a break from ho’ing please! HAHAHAHAHA.

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Happy Eid my loyal readers. And please it’s Eid! You should stop ho’ing the lawn and take a break and go out and have some fun.

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Also in other exciting news, you can now comment on the blog using your twitter handle or your facebook profile! thanks to the gorgeous people of WordPress .

I hate my job so much that l’d rather spend time detailing inane conversations l have….

Sunday night, wife and l are at the park sitting on the bench watching the kids play. My cellphone rings and l quickly take a look at the call display and promptly put it back in my pocket – deciding not to answer the call. It was from a friend that l can only talk with if I’m drunk or in extremely great mood – cuz the conversation is always me, me and some more me.

Wife says to me aren’t you gonna answer the call?

I say “Not really in the mood”

Wife responds ‘Not answering calls is the douchiest (is this even a word?) thing l know that you do. If someone has taken the time to call, why don’t you just answer?”

So l tell her, “You got this all wrong, the telephone is for my convenience, not the callers. I pay extra each month for the convenience of call display so l can filter.”

Wife says ‘I still think its douchy. In fact your reasoning is douchy. So its double douchy. So what do you think you do is considered douchy?”

So before l responded, l thought of all the real douchy things l do but couldn’t tell her….

- getting text from wife saying how much she misses me and then responding likewise (but l wasn’t)

- getting text from wife saying ‘Thinking of you’ and then responding likewise (but I wasn’t thinking of her at that moment)

- I think l’m superior cuz l watch more intellectual movies and read deeper books than her

I thoughtfully considered my options and l went for the funny response. I said ‘The douchiest thing l do is l clean vagina! ‘

I thought it was funny but she didn’t. So l quickly came up with another answer that l thought would result in the least amount of person injury.

“I avoid coworkers on their last day to avoid awkward goodbyes”

She says ‘That is douchy”

So, what douchy things do you do?

My first recommendation today which is good for 3 – 8 year olds is:

1) The Little Miss and The Mr. Men pocket books

These book are a delight, they are enjoyed by both little 7aki who is 7 and little Buddha who is 2.5.

It all started when little 7aki received two of these books as a present;  Little Miss Sunshine who can’t stop being happy and Little Miss Whoops who goes to visit her brother Mr. Bump and the rest was history. Now whenever I get a chance I get 2 or 3 of them at the used book store.

They are cute short reads and they talk about how people are different. You can for sure find one that best describes your kids.

Mine are:

Little Miss Stuborn would be my beoved buddha. Seriuosly stubborn.

… and Little Miss Brave/Naughty would be little 7aki. There is no Little Miss Brave! Not cool.

My second recommendation that is good for 3 – 7 year olds is:

2) The Pout-Pout Fish.

This book is really adorable; it’s about this pout-pout fish that would not smile even when all his friends ask him to until … well you have to read it to find out what turns his frown upside down.

He goes around spreading his dreary-wearies all over the place. Little 7aki loves to read this part.

And he goes blubing all over imaginable surfaces. This is little buddhas favorite; she traces the bluuuuub with her finger while she says it.

Good book, very clever rhyming, my kids love it.

And that’s it for today. Hopefully I won’t take this long for my next kids review.

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For more of my kids reviews:

Part 1

Part 2

And for more other books go here