My uncle has been waiting 3 years for his wife and child to come to Canada after all their immigration papers were finalized and he settled everything.
The son and mom arrived on a Monday I called her on Tuesday from home because my daughter was sick and I did not go to work that day:
Me: hi uncle( we call him with his first name because he is like 4 years older than me), so how is it, how are things I am sure you are very happy.
Uncle: yes very happy wallah
me : ballah can I talk to blah ( who is my age which I will refer to as “It” from now on)
Me: il7amdillah 3allah ilsalemeh , inshallah your trip was pleasant?
IT: yes it was very good
me: I am so happy that you are here , uncle was waiting for you for so long
It: aha…( she was very reserved)
me: listen, daughter is sick today why don’t you drop by and I will feed you lunch and the little kids can play.
It: Why don’t you come? ” or she really said” laish ma intoo tsharfoonah?”
me: well my daughter is sick and I don’t want to take her out with her fever and all and I think we won’t have a chance to come over until this weekend so why don’t you come? ma fi fare2 ( it’s the equivalent of we are family)
It: sharfoonah ( as if all the words in her vocabulary were gone)
me: inshallah, ballah can I talk to uncle.
It: habibi 7aki fadi want’s to talk to you ( 7abbik bors inshallah)
me: uncle why don’t you come visit
uncle: aha, ma inti 3arfeh
me: ya3ni she want’s me to come visit first before she comes over
uncle: aha, bilzabt, tamam ( not wanting for “It” to find out what we are talking about)
me: ok talk to you later khal.
he calls me like 10 minutes later.
Uncle: hadi imkhashbaeh moo?
me: yah what’s wrong with her
Uncle: Listen don’t tell “it” but I am not happy , since she came ana mish taye2, nazleh bahadel , the house is dirty, blah blah blah, but pelase 7aki, I am sorry, please don’t be upset, she is a woman from Amman, she has that mentality, she wants you to come so she feels her worth( 2eemeteha) , she is telling me , I can’t go, what about 2eemty?
Me: don’t worry.
So we finally go visit them yesterday, a week after they arrived, because husband works late everyday and I don’t drive on the highway and I would get lost( yah I am retarded, but in my defense, back in Amman I didn’t learn to drive a car because we were too poor to buy one and I only have been driving for less than 2 years now because we used to live in Toronto and I took the subway everywhere, but no excuse though, I am a retarded loser, I will drive on the highway damn it)
But anyway a conversation:
Me: wow, these things you have on the wall are very nice.
It: yah I got them from blah blah
Me: really, I got some too from downtown Amman(wasat ilbalad)
It: yeeeeeeee, i7na ma bin roo7 3allah wasat ilbalad.
So is this i7na alta3theem? na7noo ya3ni.
Please shoot me man, shhhhooooooooooottttttttttttttt me.
Filed under: Rant |