A taste of Amman I wish I didn’t taste

My uncle has been waiting 3 years for his wife and child to come to Canada after all their immigration papers were finalized and he settled everything.

The son and mom arrived on a Monday I called her on Tuesday from home because my daughter was sick and I did not go to work that day:

Me: hi uncle( we call him with his first name because he is like 4 years older than me), so how is it, how are things I am sure you are very happy.
Uncle: yes very happy wallah
me : ballah can I talk to blah ( who is my age which I will refer to as “It” from now on)
It: hello
Me: il7amdillah 3allah ilsalemeh , inshallah your trip was pleasant?
IT: yes it was very good
me: I am so happy that you are here , uncle was waiting for you for so long
It: aha…( she was very reserved)
me: listen, daughter is sick today why don’t you drop by and I will feed you lunch and the little kids can play.
It: Why don’t you come? ” or she really said” laish ma intoo tsharfoonah?”
me: well my daughter is sick and I don’t want to take her out with her fever and all and I think we won’t have a chance to come over until this weekend so why don’t you come? ma fi fare2 ( it’s the equivalent of we are family)
It: sharfoonah ( as if all the words in her vocabulary were gone)
me: inshallah, ballah can I talk to uncle.
It: habibi 7aki fadi want’s to talk to you ( 7abbik bors inshallah)
uncle: hello
me: uncle why don’t you come visit
uncle: aha, ma inti 3arfeh
me: ya3ni she want’s me to come visit first before she comes over
uncle: aha, bilzabt, tamam ( not wanting for “It” to find out what we are talking about)
me: ok talk to you later khal.
Uncle: Later.

he calls me like 10 minutes later.
Uncle: hadi imkhashbaeh moo?
me: yah what’s wrong with her
Uncle: Listen don’t tell “it” but I am not happy , since she came ana mish taye2, nazleh bahadel , the house is dirty, blah blah blah, but pelase 7aki, I am sorry, please don’t be upset, she is a woman from Amman, she has that mentality, she wants you to come so she feels her worth( 2eemeteha) , she is telling me , I can’t go, what about 2eemty?
Me: don’t worry.

So we finally go visit them yesterday, a week after they arrived, because husband works late everyday and I don’t drive on the highway and I would get lost( yah I am retarded, but in my defense, back in Amman I didn’t learn to drive a car because we were too poor to buy one and I only have been driving for less than 2 years now because we used to live in Toronto and I took the subway everywhere, but no excuse though, I am a retarded loser, I will drive on the highway damn it)

But anyway a conversation:

Me: wow, these things you have on the wall are very nice.
It: yah I got them from blah blah
Me: really, I got some too from downtown Amman(wasat ilbalad)
It: yeeeeeeee, i7na ma bin roo7 3allah wasat ilbalad.

So is this i7na alta3theem? na7noo ya3ni.

Please shoot me man, shhhhooooooooooottttttttttttttt me.

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24 Responses

  1. So true, but you can’t blame her, it is 3adat o tagaleed:) O allah y3eenek, maybe because your uncle’s age is close to you and she feels that by calling him by his name you are disrespecting him/her, anyway she is jelous thats all.. “enna kaydaohann 3atheem” sad but true:)

  2. simple comment …..Osas el neswan taba3et 3amman 101 allah ey3eenek 3alaiha..

    I liked the part of Was6 el balad becoz it is related somehow to the 7afartalee subject becoz the “E7na” culture kteeeeeer class and “was6 el balad” 7afartal allah ey3eeenek ….
    anyway 7amdellah 3ala salametha la mart ‘7alek or “it”:)

    alf salameh 3ala ur daughter

  3. by the way

    azeeedek men el she3er beit
    when u said I got some too from wast el balad..

    what do u think was in her mind?

    I ll tell u she was definitly saying “ye2ta3ha a3deh ebte7kee 3ala zoo2ee fala7ee o was6 elbalad”

    hahahaha 3an jad osas el neswan needs another books to be written:)

  4. What’s wrong with Wast el Balad?? i love going there and shop around!!! this woman carrys her sick mentality with her…give her couple of years and she will change, I hope!!
    one advice, driving on the highway is just like driving on the streets, but faster, and at least where you are, people will never cut you off, so get your courage and drive there…otherwise you will be restricted to where you go and do! best of luck and have a wonderful day.

  5. well my uncle(khalo) is 8 years older than me, and considered as a freind more than an uncle, i call him by his frist name and his wife is only one year older than me, at first i had a very hard time to get along with her, but now we are good freinds…some people needs time to get along with and some people will never change, we just need to focuse on whats important and maintain a good relation with them. good luck

    p.s or s.p: i guess this is the first time i leave you a comment, i’ve been reading it for a while, and i enjoy what i read 🙂

  6. ya3ni she’s a retard..but not all ammanis are like that please..anywasy..if I were you, I wouldn’t even go..

  7. 🙂 that’s funny. Be careful, they might read this!

  8. sounds alot like my own uncle’s wife..whome im very very very glad is back in lebanon now yippy!
    i’ve never been to wasat elbalad because my husand will not let me go there…he says i have to put a hijjab on in order to go there..so annoying..but next time im in amman im going!

  9. Mohhanad: shaif ballah

    Tiger: Thanks, she is doing well :).

    And lol at the second comment, I bet you she see’s all our family as being sauvage

    Summer: I know, it’s not the speed summer, it’s the merging into traffic and exiting, I drove on the highway before but merging makes me anxious. All I need is practice 🙂 .

    Manal: Welcome! Thanks for the nice words.

    I am really easy going and I get along with everybody, she just has the holier than though attitude and it annoys me. Don’t know if we will ever be friends but I am always nice to her and I always let things slide, I don’t like to be a problem or cause problems.

    Salam: yah, not all Ammani’s are like that; if I told you a story about them it won’t be funny.

    The Observer: my God Fadi now I am scared, I am dead meat if she stumbles on my blog and reads it…HA HA HA , maybe I should change some of the details like dates and maybe say she had 10 kids and that she was 50…HA HA HA

    Sam: I think we all have one in the family like that.

    I LOVE wasat ilbalad, you should definitely go, you can find the nicest things to buy for your house in Canada and you get to bargain. I don’t think you will need hijab you just need to dress modestly nothing too tight fitting or revealing to attract attention. People stare though, which makes me uncomfortable, just ignore it cause stares can’t kill but come think of it you get stared at everywhere in Amman and it feels funny because nobody in Canada looks at you and you get used to taht.

  10. hmmmm … Women … BUT what if she reads this

  11. Anon: yah man and khofet, as I told Observer, I will be dead meat

  12. Some woman in work asked me once if I can find her an apartment … and because I’m like Bedouins, every 6 months I leave my house to another, I became expert in Amman’s housing. I told her: I’ll find you an apartment in my area. The woman: where do you live these days? Me: el weibdeh, just 100 meters from el balad. The woman: yeeee enta be 3amman el shar2eyye la2 khalas battalet!

  13. ozz: Oh my God, she said the same thing to my sister.

    my sister told her once why don’t you find a house in the first circle” she was shocked and very loud ” yeeeee, i7na ma bnoskon bi 3amman ilshar2ieh, 2araf”.

    Shu biddi a7ki Ozz, takahlof ya zalameh

  14. 3a assas il madam class or prestigha ma byisma7ilha

  15. Funny, I guess they think prestige is based on the place you live/shop in not on your behaviors. If she meet’s me she would disqualify me from the any civilized thing, bcuz I still shop balballah:))))))

  16. Some people like to “ye3esho el door”.. they like the extra attention and LOVE to show off! I can’t tolerate people like “it” :S

  17. I guess I see why you refer to her as ‘it’.

    And wast al-balad is my all time favourote place in amman, next to jabal amman 🙂

    Sam: why to wear hijab there? i wasnt hijabi when i lived in jordan and went there all the time… i had probs in suweifiyeh but none in the balad.

  18. Onzlo, Habchawi: Shaifeen ballah what I have to go through?

    Mrs. Al Ramahi: I think she wrote / invented the part not only lives it..HA HA HA

    Loolt: “It” indeed was the best I can come with because it was that or swear and ana class I don’t swear HA HA HA .

  19. loolt i dont know my husband is weird sometimes…that was his condition to let me go to wasat elbalad..wear the hijjab..im sure it is not any worst that wasat elbalad in tripoli or beirut, next i will go without him…MEN!

    7aki fadi…i do not believe u do not like to drive on the highways…this is something i really miss here…i miss the QEW and the 401…and lets not forget the 403…when im visiting my parents in hamilton i keep on making exuses to go to mississauga so i can drive on the highway…:)

  20. “she is a woman from Amman, she has that mentality”

    why am I not so pleased with this little note?

  21. lol. If I was in your shoes I’d be tempted to say something like: “yir7am gamlo jeddik, kan yib3id 3an garyito (his town) 50 meters w yi7ki (aaaaakh ya ghorbeh)”. I know these types, ya33.

    On a seperate note, did you check the hilarious URL I left you on your previous post?

  22. hi 7aki — good blog and funny post… take a look at http://www.cycling-jordan.com and tell me what you think. appreciate comments coming form a crtical mind ! Saad

  23. Sam: there is no explanation, I said I was retarted …waaaa333333333
    It’s like my debilitating fear of cockroaches, no good explanation.

    Omernos: I don’t know, why are you not pleased? ..LOL ..

    I know I know , because I generalize.

    Who’s sane: LOL @ “yir7am gamlo jeddik, kan yib3id 3an garyito (his town) 50 meters w yi7ki (aaaaakh ya ghorbeh)” HA HA HA HA .

    And who’s sane? Definitely not you; you are insanely funny that I decided to give you the funniest commentator award on my blog…LOL..inta 7ashash

    I’ll take a look at the link tonight.

    Saad: Thanks for the nice compliment!

    I’ll take a look at it tonight because I think if I read one more blog or website at work I will get fired :o)

  24. Yippeee!

    Excuse me I need to go update my resume now.

    lol

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