The bleep machine – Warning: coarse language and mature subject matter, it just seems immature

Since I gave birth to my daughter I have been having problems trying to stop swearing especially when I am driving, it took me a lot of effort to make sure I don’t swear.

So I decided to help new parents out there by creating an invention that I will call the “bleep machine”.

This is how it works:

Real words: What the fuck you think you are doing you motherfucker, how dare you cut me off like that? What an ass.

Bleep machine: What the Bleep you think you are doing you motherbleeeeeeeeeeeeep, how dare you cut me off like that, what an Bleeeeeeep.

You get the idea.

Then I though to myself, well why not make the bleep machine say words instead of bleeping by purchasing an enhancement attachment you add to the machine where you get to program the alternative words for the swear words.

It goes like this:

Bleep machine with enhance 1.0 : What is this naughty thing you think you are doing? you don’t listen to your mommy, how dare you cut me off like that, what a bumbumhead.

Then my daughter would giggle as hell because her favourite phrase nowadays is bumbum head and makes her laugh, I tell yah what these kids pick up from daycare.

Then I thought about another attachment that would delay your speech for 8 seconds so you can retract anything you said that you did not get a chance to program in like a new swear word you learned.

Then there are also different language attachments you can purchase.

Who’s Sane added : ok ok now imagine this … the bleep machine on a Jordanian bus driver:

Zee7 min khiligti ya ebnil naughty, fi3lan ennak wa7ad akho 66 bumbum head!!

Aslan el 7ag mish 3alaik, el 7ag 3ala akho el naughtiyeh elli a3tak el rokhsa!!

I tell yah the possibilities are endless. I think I am going to get rich and retire early.

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12 Responses

  1. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL Ta7sheesh enti 😀
    yalla good job that you stoped it before your baby picks it up… 😀

  2. 7aki,
    In jordan when someone cuts me I used to follow him/her, open the window and curse and invite him for a fight( I have 5 ganawee in my car), then after some fights I realised that If I continue like this I will never do anything else in my life, so I decided to become careless (mtamse7 in jordanese) and I began to use the words ( la elah ella allah mohammed rasool allah) it is better that bleeping:)

  3. “What is this naughty thing you think you are doing? you don’t listen to your mommy, how dare you cut me off like that, what a bumbumhead.”

    if am drivin and someone tell me this I would definitly make an accident becoz I would crack up and loose control hahahaha:)

    ta7sheesh entee
    and about ur kid dont worry she would pick it up sooner or later do u think that other kids dont know how to swear unluess You live in another planet and ur daughter sees no body then u can control it..

    I think mohannad point is correct drivin is about relaxin and sayin allah eysam7oo but for me this comes ba3ed ma ad3as be batnooo 😛

  4. A bleep machine – hahahahahahahahhahahahahahah … 7aki fadi, 3AN JAD CREATIVE!!!!!

    ok ok now imagine this … the bleep machine on a Jordanian bus driver:

    Zee7 min khiligti ya ebnil naughty, fi3lan ennak wa7ad akho 66 bumbum head!!

    Aslan el 7ag mish 3alaik, el 7ag 3ala akho el naughtiyeh elli a3tak el rokhsa!!

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

  5. Who’s Sane: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA , oh my God I am sitting at work , and drinking water and now 3am bakbkeb ilmai everywhere, people think I am crazy.

    With your permission I am going to add this to the post..

    HA HA HA HA HA

  6. 7aki fadi, sure … be my guest. lol

    And by the bye, have you got any vacancies where you work? I’d love to get paid for blogging. LOL

    heck, who am I kidding here … “I tell yah” since I got hooked on this and my productivity has dropped close to a zero. lol!

    TO HELL WITH WORK! THIS IS PRIORITY!! hahahaha

  7. yeh i need one of those…i try so hard to keep a clean mouth…but sometimes things slip out…i dont want my son going to school saying bad things….so i have to try even harder now…everytime i say shit..he says what? and i say didnt u hear me, i said sit…

  8. Who’s sane: ok so I started blogging on Jan 30 and since then I have NOT BEEN WORKING at all man, 3anjad.
    I used to pump out like crazy amounts of work a day pre blogging, now post blogging I produce in a week what I produced in a day.

    So what happened? They promoted me yesterday…MUA HA HA HA HA HA HA

  9. Oh, and by the way, I sent one of my coworkers a post he was like, why do you write code? You should quit and just write because it’s too funny.

    But man being funny doesn’t pay the bills

  10. Maioush: well I try my best I do slip up from time to time.

    Mohannad: Yah iltamsa7a is the solution

    Tiger: Yah my daughter already picked up bad words, but they are funny instead of saying shit she says poopy .LOL

    Sam: lol , once I said what a bitch then she said , what did you say I said peach mama peach.

  11. This is an absolutely genius idea.

    You have to patent it NOW!

    You crack me up, I can’t say it enough I tell ya!

  12. Rambling Hal: I am looking for sponsors that are crazy enough to sponsor my invention

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