My uncle,the coffee and the 3arees.

There was this one time when we had a khutab at home to check out the merchandise AKA me.

My Mom doesn’t like this method of marriage; not that there’s anything wrong with it really since I have lots of friends that are happily married this way; but because it feels like people are shopping and they have specs in mind, So they come to your house to check if you meet the “requirements” and if you can make a descent cup of coffee. To let strangers in your house for this purpose is just weird and awkward and in my case it was just plain FUNNY.

This is how the story happened: One of Moms close friends pressured her into letting this lady and her daughter come over and visit just for coffee and nothing more, so my mom was like, heck it can’t be that bad, the lady and her daughter will come have some coffee and leave, no harm done.

So I came back from University that day and I had no idea what was going on, I walk in with my friend and we saw this lady and her daughter, I said hi and went inside.

After like 5 minutes my mom comes to me and says, “Listen these people are khutab” I was like “ha? Khutab? Lameen? ” she was like “for you” . Because I looked at her as if she committed a sin like no other by accepting no , by ALLWOING such a thing to happen she said “ya mama 3alshani. Just come sit with us for a bit and just let it pass. And can you please be a sweetheart and make some coffee” I said “ sure mom, whatever, ana bas halmarra ra7 amari2ha!” And my friend and I burst out laughing.

Now I make the most horrible Arabic coffee ever, it tastes like socks soaked in water “ kalsat man2oo3a” so my uncle happened to be visiting us that day so I went to him and I said :” khalo ya ya ya can you make us coffee? 3ashan im il3arees it7ibni” ,my uncle my friend and I burst out laughing really loud. I think my mom heard us and she came to the kitchen and said “walkum mar2oo hada ilyom 3ala khair bikafy di7ik sam3eenkom barra”

So anyway, uncle made the coffee and I took it to them and sat there for like 2 minutes, and the lady was complimenting me on the coffee and I could not help it but giggle, it was too funny. Aaaahhhh if she only knew that the bald dude with the moustache sitting inside is the one who made it.

So nothing happens they leave blah blah blah

But it gets better, the next day I get a call from my friend saying, “Do you remember the lady that came to your place yesterday?” I say “Aha” my friend says ”She is sitting in our living room checking out my sister.”

I guess she didn’t like the coffee that much after all!

That was too funny I tell ya!


19 Responses

  1. hahaha, Btha3a..Ho beni o benek hay gellet 3agel, hoo el walad elli beddo ytajawaz wella ummo..In salt for example they get married based on the repuatation of the family and beauty comes second:D
    Bas ma7soobek hon, t3argal bel 7ob o wege3 3la raso 6aj..Bas el 7amdella ahlha wala fee a7san menhom..

  2. *LOL* o man, that is the most annoying thing..u know what is even time my brother went along with my mom to lebanon..he just wanted to go clubbing and have fun..and did not want to get married…bas everyday people would come to my grandma’s house with their daughter so he can pick one..*lol*..hmmmmm thinkign about it , i wish he did pick one to marry instead of his wife…

  3. MY GOD!!!!
    Listen, I was being dragged (kicking and screaming) to go meet these girls … and me and my sisters would be laughing our heads off (because NONE of my sisters actually got married this way) So we would go … Inspect the “3ahat” that we find there, drink some socks-juice and go home bursting in tears, and laughing our sides off!
    So eventually and when I finally budged… my parents discovered THE HARD WAY that this doesn’t work for me… needless to say, JD10,000 later .. I was free again 🙂

    Oh I’ve written about this so many times 🙂 it’s so damn sad and funny at the same time!

  4. a bold guy with a mustache hahahaha 3an jad ‘7alek shekloo ta’7sos gahweh ….hahahaha

    zakarteenee be gahwet jabal el 7ussein kuna ensameeha gahwet mayet el jarabeen hahahaha
    thx 3ala sholet el ons bas lazem et7otee esmek feeha sa7ee7;)
    haik sar 3endee sheltain ons one on real life and one in blog life hahahaha lucky me

  5. 7aki i thought u are married !!

    :msa6el 3ala sa3et hal sobe7:

    bedeee ADVIIIIIIIL …

  6. Yes this is a funny tradition. My mom is probably going to get me married this way, since I am still dateless. She’s probably going to take me “bride shopping” in one or two years if I don’t do something on my own!

  7. Poor woman!

    I remember my sister feeling the same whenever my mother mentioned that khutab is coming to the house! She used to go insane, and sometiem go crying in her room because she doesn’t want to feel like mershandise!

    After el khutab leave, she used to cheer up and make fun of the potential weirdo groom!

    I guess people should stop doing this. It is an old fashion way of getting married!

  8. looooooooooooooooool.

    I loved that story. I can’t imagine she went to your friend’s house.

    I hate this kind of marriage, (although I feel destined that its gonna be same for me).I am actually begging my shy sister to start dating and stuff so that she doesn’t get married in that way. 😛

  9. funny story 7aki, lol

    to me an arranged marriage is like buying a watermelon, you never know what’s inside it till you open it. (no pun intended)

  10. funny .. and those quality assurance guys (like the lady and her daughter) have strict criteria for selection .. in the past they used to let the “target” bite a nut shell to test her teeth strength, they used to make other tests for checking the legs and weird stuff like that.

  11. Mohannad: ya man btha3a….lol. Good that you loved her first, who fee a7la min il7ob!

    Sam: Yah I can see why they would be eager, because he is from kanaka…lol, that’s another thing, some people just see you live abroad and drool.

    Q: socks-juice HA HA HA hilarious man!

    See this is a problem, the parents should not force there sons to do that because they are wasting the other families time, ya3ni the guy is being pushed to go and he is not intending to get married this way, this is 7aram for the sake of the girls, mish? Allah yihdeehom il ahel man you just can’t convince them otherwise sometimes.

    Tiger: lol, da7aktni man.

    Well I can’t add a link to myself on my own blog man, haik ibtitla2 sakheefeh, self-promotion ya3ni mish 7eloo ya3ni :).

    Isam: ta7sheesh Isam! Ya man I am married, this was like 8 years ago, waaaaalllllllllll I feel old not..waaaaaaaaa3333333333333333

    KJ: yallah shid 7ailak man, find someone before you get pulled into this kicking and screaming.

    Observer: Well , I don’t really think it’s bad really I think it works well for some people. As I said I have friends who met this way and are very very happily married. What I don’t like, like in Sam’s brother, Qwaiders and your sisters cases, is if the guy is being draged to do it or if the girl does not like it, but if the guy is serious and the girl is happy about it, then why not, it could be actually very good and healthy since usually the first meeting happens this way and then the 2 get a chance to know each by dating a bit more with the parents knowledge.

    Hamza: glad you enjoyed the sotry.

    You never know man maybe you will meet the woman of your dreams this way :).

    Whosane: ooooooooooh, you are funny my friend, really funny…lol…

    Ozz: lol ozz. OMG you reminded me of another story with my Husbands Grandma, thanks man I will blog it.

    Hmm, I wonder how you would check the legs? Not easly conspicuous I would imagine.

  12. LOOOOOOOL! That made me laugh so hard. Ta7sheesh!

    I can’t believe people actually get married this way 😦

  13. Whats worse is when they start checking out the merchandise thats not on the shelves. My 16yr old sister and my mum were followed by lady who later insisted they give her their number coz she was looking for a bride for her 25yr old son.

    O/T- I love your blog!!

  14. Aboud: Thanks man!

    Gosh, people like that are annoying, she’s 16 for Gods sake, SIXTEEN, did the mother look at her and say, wow she’s a baby, she is perfect for my 25 year old son who is 9 years older…Gosh

  15. as you said maybe it does work sometimes ,not always bad, to have a couple serious with a recomendation from the two families can be good thing and they can date outside later on.If both of them don’t like to do it.. it’s ok and no need to enforce them to do it.
    In third comment it’s too 3eib to nominate them by 3ahat coz many times they are like him enforced to recieve those people from their parents.or what?

  16. n/n: I agree with you 100%.

    In more traditional families/situations the girls are forced to accept that or have no say in the situation.

  17. So saaaaad I pity that 3arees. AKH I love your mom thought. Its funny how parents give into those things..and yes i agree with you …Those ZYARAT must be a chance to get some good laughs

  18. Dandoon: I love my mom too :D.
    She’s the coolest mom ever, she never ever forced any of us ot do anything we don’t want to do and also she allowed us to do other things that other parents would not allow their daughters, my cool mom 🙂

  19. […] I can’t make Arabic coffee to save my life, for real, I make it and it tastes like socks soaked in dirty water. I can make gourmet food but I […]

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