About Coming Out of The Closet

Being Gay anywhere in the world is not easy but it is extra difficult in the middle east and other conservative/religious countries.

I always wonder, is it harder to be a Gay man than a Gay woman? Is it easier for the women because in some way it’s kind of a bit more acceptable and is actually a fantasy for some men?

But what I want to talk about is that every human being has maternal/paternal instincts that are really strong. In countries where homosexuality is not accepted and in some cases is illegal and punishable by law you find a lot of gay people who get married just to satisfy that instinct and also to appear “normal” in the eyes of the society and chose to live a secret double life where they get to have the happy family life and  have a gay partner on the side.

There are a lot of Gay men who do it because it’s easier than facing society and it’s not only restricted to the countries mentioned above ; the latest case that was all over the  media was the Governor of New York who was married and had kids and just recently came out of the closet and admitted that he was Gay which put an end to his political career.

I think it is hurtfuland damaging to the kids and spouse when they find out the truth. The spouse who thinks they have a perfect marriage just to find out their partner is gay, the kids who, depending on their age, might have trouble understanding the situation.

The issue though is that Gay people are doomed if they do and doomed if they don’t.

If they choose to come out of the closet then they are shunned by society in countries that have no legal rights for gay partners , no gay marriage or any adoption laws which means they will never even dream of having a child On the other hand if they do get married and have children they are living a lie and deceiving everybody around them ; their kids, their spouse , but most importantly themselves.

I think that both decisions are hard but being true to oneself and to the people around you is the most important thing no matter at what cost.

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16 Responses

  1. So the choice is between being themselves and persecuted or pretending to be someone else, and not be persecuted. I guess it depends on how much they enjoy acting.

    I would be miserable if I had to pretend to be someone else.

  2. I may be able to understand why people marry to “cover it up” in the Middle East, where it is a crime,abnormal, disgusting, etc to be gay. But in more advanced societies like here in the US, I personally think people who do that are extremely selfish.

    It is not just their lives they are fucking with, it is also the spouse and the kids they choose to produce. Why do they have to suffer through YOUR choices?

    If you are gay, choose a career where it is acceptable to be gay or be open about it from the start. OR hide it and live the bachelor life. Just don’t drag in an innocent spouse, pop out a few kids, put them in the public eye and then humiliate and unravel their lives when you are found out and/or decide to come out of the closet.

    Just a note.. I have no idea what people like that go through since I’ve never really known anyone who did this and have not had an “inside” view. I could be wrong, but from where I’m looking at it, selfish only begins to describe it.

  3. i thought there was going to be a confession at the end. I’m disappointed.

  4. That reminds me of the story of the novelist Virginia Woolf which I read just yesterday (on Wikipedia). How she married a man whom she didn’t love physically, having several relationships with women. And still she and her husband were, as far as that article told me, a loving couple throughout her (short) life.
    Also mentioned in the article was her affair Vita Sackville-West. A homosexual woman whose man was a homosexual as well – both living their lives as a couple, but always having same-sex relationships as well.

    Maybe that was their way to live their lives as homosexuals at a time when they must not, still staying themselves.

  5. I don’t know what you are talking about.

    I have been a lesbian and a straight guy for all my life. Never have I encountered a problem or rejection from family nor society.

    So, living the double life is doable. It is finding the right mix that is more challenging.

    ودمتم

    by the way, are we ever going to have Mr. 7aki as a guest blogger?

  6. Hani: I can’t begin to imagine what gay people in the middle east go through but I would hate every second of pretending to be someone else.

    Tinker: Although the US is advanced but they do not grant gay people any legal rights. But it is somewhat socially acceptable there. On the other hand, Canada gave Gays civil AND legeal rights.
    I agree that when you are not shunned to be gay you should not hide it but to say they should go only to jobs that are gay friendly is very unfair to them, it turns into, do I give up all my hopes and dreams to say I am gay or do I just lie and achieve my dreams, it’s really hard, not black and white.

    Nothing is black and white anymore in this world.

    Hareega: HAHAHAHA. Nope, no declarations here. But if you want to declare anything be my guest. HAHHAHAA

    Simon: Very interesting. I will look it up on wikki.
    See when both parties are aware and consent to the situation then it’s no issue, it becomes an issue when one party is deceived.
    Thanks for dropping by.

    Mab3oos: LOOOOOOL you are funny.
    I wish baba 7aki would blog something but he doesn’t want to. He says he’s too busy , I think he’s scared to, LOL.

  7. LOL @Hareega, I was expecting the same when I read the title 🙂

  8. Have you read my social pressure short story? It addresses this subject. I am re-writing it as a long novel in Arabic, but still i have long road to go :).

    Most gay men in Jordan get married without their wives knowing so. What is worse, is that women are not totally liberal here, and thus ending up being the real victims in such relationships.

    It is a fucked up situation caused by an intolerance society. I am glad you bring it up 🙂

  9. […] 7aki Fadi discusses what coming out of the closet means to gays and lesbians in the Middle East. Posted by […]

  10. hmm..interesting how you put it. Although I thought we have a blogger who is specialized in handling such issues & topics. 😉

    my argument is if gay (homosexual people) end up getting married and have kids, doesn’t this make them bisexual rather than homosexuals..and thus it changes their status?

    hmm….something to think about it..isn’t it?

  11. LOOOOL Hamza LMAO

    7aki 7aki! What do I say! I guess you should ask Observer to give you his novel for free!

  12. lol Hamza! Bisexuality is a seperate sexual orientation in itself. Sexual orientation is not about the act, it is about the attraction, and thus if a man is gay, then he would still be gay even if he has never had sex with another man.

    KJ, :P, I should push myself to finish it up! You guys should all pick it up and support me when i m done 🙂

  13. who said life is easy anyways ? i guess it makes it a bit more challenging for them thats all.
    that aside cheating behind your wifes back is something grave whether ur gay, straight or ur doing with the camel in the yard 😛
    so i can see it as being problematic if you built up and image about ur self to ur spouse and family and it collapsed over night.
    on the other hand if it was in the open and consensual between the two then it might be less of a problem.

    the paternal and maternal instincts are not even among everybody, some people really don’t want to have kids regardless of their sexual orientation.

    either way like you said damned if they do and damned if they don’t, at the end you have to be living with your self before you live with anybody else and whatever choice you make you have to own up to it.

  14. Observer: I am sure I read it, but can you post the link? I forgot which one you are talking about.

    Hamza: See bi-sexuals have to LIKE doing it with the other gender, were as these gay people are doing it just to appear normal in the eyes of society.

    Bambam: Well Bam, there is no issue if all parties concerned are aware and accepting of the situation, but when one is in the dark, then it’s not fair and I think it’s the worst thing that can happen to a married couple.

  15. i hate a gay people i haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate themmmmmmmm

  16. here we go :):
    http://thearabobserver.blogspot.com/2006/10/social-pressure-page-11-final.html

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