Not figuratively but literally.
I have been fighting a cold for the last week. Usually this kind of cold would be like NOTHING but because I am the sole nourishment source for one kid and the sole entertainment source for the other it left me spent.
After I started feeling better yesterday , kablaaaaaaaam, I lost my voice , my voice comes and goes but it surly goes in the most inopportune times.
Like yesterday at the optometrist:
Dr: So tell me what do you see on the wall
Me: A, F, D, pshpshpshpshpsh (pshpshpshpshpsh means that I can’t speak above a whisper)
Dr: What was that?
Me: I said pshpshpshpshpsh
Let me tell you about my appointment, it was like Chinese torture. For a whole hour I was whisked from one machine to the other until I felt like my eyeballs were going to fall out.
First I was interrogated about my health history. It took so long that I thought they were going to make me pee in a cup after. heheeeeeeeee.
After that it was the machine that would try to figure out how screwed my new prescription was, for anyone who knows what I am talking about it’s the machine with the little house at the end of the road.
Then the machine that would take a picture of the back of the eye ball. First you have to focus on looking forward on a little red dot and then, KABLAM a BLINDING flash , that leaves you …. well … blind… for like 30 seconds. They had to flash my eyes three times. THREE.
All that and I haven’t seen the doctor yet!!!!
Then I go to the doctor and the torture of : “Which lens, number one or number 2” begins, I hate this part. It’s so stressful I hate it. If you say number 2 and then after you get the glasses it turns out to be number one. Waaaaaa33333.
After she figured out my prescription she then puts eye-drops in my eyes to check for glaucoma, the eye-drops are yellow ( ew) and I felt my eyeballs were going to melt I swear. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before.
I THOUGHT I was done but noooooooooooo, now they are going to check my peripheral vision, this was THE WORST part. Worse than the blinding flash and the eyeball melting drops.
First I had to wear an eye patch, a pirate eye patch. And that was the best part.
Then they put my head in this white sphere (ish) tunnel (ish) machine and I had to click a mouse every-time I saw a dot of light. Trust me after two minutes focusing forward with one eye you start seeing flashing lights everywhere. After the third minute of this torture I was just clicking away wether I saw lights or not.LOOOL. I had to repeat that for my other eye.
Finally after that I got waaaaaaaay cool new glasses.
And then my eyeballs fell out.