The Day I Lost My Voice, My Eyeballs Melted and I Went Blind

Not figuratively but literally.

I have been fighting a cold for the last week. Usually this kind of cold would be like NOTHING but because I am the sole nourishment source for one kid and the sole entertainment source for the other it left me spent.

After I started feeling better yesterday , kablaaaaaaaam,  I lost my voice , my voice comes and goes but it surly goes in the most inopportune times.

Like yesterday at the optometrist:

Dr: So tell me what do you see on the wall

Me: A, F, D, pshpshpshpshpsh (pshpshpshpshpsh means that I can’t speak above a whisper) 

Dr: What was that?

Me: I said pshpshpshpshpsh

Dr: ?

Me: Waaaaaaaaaaa3333333.

Let me tell you about my appointment, it was like Chinese torture. For a whole hour I was whisked from one machine to the other until I felt like my eyeballs were going to fall out.

First I was interrogated about my health history. It took so long that I thought they were going to make me pee in a cup after. heheeeeeeeee.

After that it was the machine that would try to figure out how screwed my new prescription was, for anyone who knows what I am talking about it’s the machine with the little house at the end of the road.

Then the machine that would take a picture of the back of the eye ball. First you have to focus on looking forward on a little red dot and then, KABLAM a BLINDING flash , that leaves you …. well … blind… for like 30 seconds. They had to flash my eyes three times. THREE.

All that and I haven’t seen the doctor yet!!!!

Then I go to the doctor and the torture of : “Which lens, number one or number 2”  begins, I hate this part. It’s so stressful I hate it. If you say number 2 and then after you get the glasses it turns out to be number one. Waaaaaa33333.

After she figured out my prescription she then puts eye-drops in my eyes to check for glaucoma, the eye-drops are yellow  ( ew) and I felt my eyeballs were going to melt I swear. It was a weird sensation I have never felt before.

I THOUGHT I was done but noooooooooooo, now they are going to check my peripheral vision, this was THE WORST part. Worse than the blinding flash and the eyeball melting drops.

First I had to wear an eye patch, a pirate eye patch. And that was the best part.

Then they put my head in this white sphere (ish) tunnel (ish) machine and I had to click a mouse every-time I saw a dot of light. Trust me after two minutes focusing forward with one eye you start seeing flashing lights everywhere. After the third minute of this torture I was just clicking away wether I saw lights or not.LOOOL. I had to repeat that for my other eye.

Finally after that I got waaaaaaaay cool new glasses.

And then my eyeballs fell out.

The End.


14 Responses

  1. salamaat, inshalla!

    “And then my eyeballs fell out.”.. I hope they bounced back in afterward 😀

  2. Hahaha, you are hilarious. I know exactly what you are talking about. How about the part when a squish of air comes out of a machine and right into your eye? Even though you know it is coming, you still jump in your seat.


  3. all that for cool glasses?! salamtik!! and I know the feeling of getting sick while being the only source of milk for a demanding baby!! it sucks, oh with the ghorbeh part of course! Hope you’re feeling better 🙂

  4. ooh you.. the title is so horror,
    lasik baby!, me still collecting money for lasik surgery

  5. secratea: thankfully my eyeballs have a retractable cord.

    Hala: ooohhhhh, i didn’t have that machine, I am going back to DEMAND IT. I feel robbed of the full experience now. hehehehe

    nido: “It sucks” HAHAHAHAHA that cracked me UP.

    tudor: I am thinking about it.

  6. OMG you just described my pre-lasik checkup hahahahah

  7. Yayyyyyy for Optometrists!!! I love this post 🙂

    The first machine that your talking about I believe is an autorefractor…it’s supposed to give you a tentative prescription and I still don’t know why they use it because the reality is it isn’t too accurate and the doctor has to get your prescription more manually (1 or 2?). As an optometrist in training, they don’t even teach us to use one.

    “which is better one or two”….we take a psychophysics pretty much geared to this procedure. Many times patients are always paranoid about choosing one because it’s still not super clear and they’re afraid they’re going to get blurry glasses. Then some patients are the opposite where they have to always choose one when really there’s no distinction and they should just say “the same”. It’s important to figure out which type of patient you have…well how did your glasses work for you in the end?

    The part where they put the yellow eyedrops to check the pressure (sign of glaucoma), the first time I learned that I almost left one of my classmates with an inverted eyeball….it was pretty scary.

    7aki…I’m so sorry you had an unpleasant experience with your optometrist, it’s for yoru own good! In the future I need to think of ways to make my eye exam administering experience an enjoyable experience for patients if that’s possible. I’ll keep giving them candy and stickers! If you’re ever in my neck of the woods come to me and I’ll hook you up.

    Hey if you had gone to a school and gotten and eye exam by a student it would much greater torture

    Hala, yea that’s called a pupillometer it reads the pressure in your eye. Can you imagine having to do it on kids? that’s the worst!

  8. KJ: So you loving the Lasik? The DR had her’s 14 years ago. I think I will go for it.

    Asoom: ooohhhh thanks for the info. Yeah that machine with the red house is useless really.

    But INVERTED EYEBALL??????? YIKES. Do the drops do that? Why did that happen ???

    The Dr. was great really, I like her a lot, answered a lot of my questions and it wasn’t so bad, but stickers and lollipops would inhance the experince for sure :-P.

    I was just was not excpecting to be there for an hour and fifteen minutes.

    I get the new glasses next week 😀 .

  9. Rrrrrrrrr…..isn’t it fun wearing an eye patch :D? Ba3deen 5odi, the infamous Captain Hook ma tele3lo yelbas eye patch while you did 🙂 ahhh, peter pan, good times..
    Look at the bright side, you started off with a nasty cold and ended up getting cool glasses 😀 we want to see them glasses next week !
    Salamaaat 7aki :D.

  10. LOL@ house at end of the road.
    ukhhh, dont this way too many times. I am in serious need of lasik khalas! inshAllah First week of September. The excitement! Looks like you’re planning for on yourself?! If you wear lenses do avoid that prior to surgery. It kept me from getting it. hmph!

  11. shaml: I’ll post a picture of hte glasses when I get them!

    Batoul: Cooool. Pelase fill me in how you liked the procedure.
    I just went for a checkup but I asked her if I was a good candidate and she said yes so I am going to attend one of their “Lazer nights” to see if I want to do it. I can’t imagine the freedom once I get the operation done.

  12. just get lazik and get it over with…u do all sorta of tests…and then that is more tests for ever….i had a cute doctor so i didnt mind it at all….

  13. wow. I did my eye test a week ago. he only did the house test for me and he let me go coz my eyesight is hamdella Good. :D.

    He even scolded me for wasting his time while others are waiting in the queue. LOL

  14. sam: I know I know. I WANT to but you can’t do it while breastfeeding so it has to wait .

    hamza: Your doctor is ahbal, it has nothing to do with your perscription, the doctor was checking the health of my eye, my perscription didn’t change 😛 .

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