Overheard In the Bathroom. Potty Language Advisory

Buddha has been recently, VERY recently, potty trained; she’s been clean for 4 weeks now, I really need to share the experience with you, I am still MORTIFIED at how long it took her to grasp the concept,  maybe a post for some other time.

Due to her newly acquired skills, she is very excited to go to the bathroom, ESPECIALLY a public bathroom, can you please say EWWWWW?????

Yesterday we were invited to a kid friendly wedding, so we took the girls with, and in the span of three hours, no word of a lie,  Buddha asked to go to the bathroom about TWELVE times!!! WTF???

It might be  the foamy soap dispensers that lure her; our house does not provide already foamy soap, you have to actually RUB YOUR HANDS to make it foam. I can already tell that Buddha is high maintenance.

Or is it this Dyson hand dryer? OK guys this thing is OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I am not even kidding you, I am positive this thing can launch a rocket that’s how powerful the air blast is. Buddha loves this thing! To be totally honest I love it too, hehehehe, it’s just so much FUN.  It’s like going to a bathroom theme park!!!!

But I digress; at her maybe 8th trip she flipped out because I flushed the toilet, HAHAHAHA, OMG it was so funny! I was in the stall with her and this is what happened:

7aki flushes the toilet. The toilet did not flush fully, toilet paper still in the toilet.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I FLUSH THE TOILET!

7aki: No no I did not flush; see there is still toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOOOO, you flushed!

7aki: No no I swear LOOK, there is STILL toilet paper.

Buddha: NOOOOOO, you flush my pee! YOU FLUSH MY PEE!!!!

7aki now hears people outside the stall laughing, now I laugh myself; this is just so funny!

Is this what kids reduced us to??? Flush negotiators?

Now while I was resolving the flushing of the pee issue I hear someone peeing in the next stall and I kid you not people it sounded like someone was dumping a bucket of water in the toilet, HAHAHAHAA,  and it was just soooo loud, now little 7aki was in the next stall over and this is what happened:

little 7aki: WHAT IS THAT SOUND???

Now I am muffling my laugh because OMG what IS THAT sound?

Little 7aki: MAMA, WHAT IS THAT SOUND!

I mean little 7aki was loud. SUPER loud. I start giggling , I mean the pee sound is not only loud but this lady is still PEEING, it took her like 5 hours to finish. Maybe if I go there today I will still find her there emptying her bucket!

Little 7aki: WEIRD.

7aki (no longer able to contain myself): HAHAHAHAHAHA.

And this concludes me totally over-sharing today.

 

Guy Who Draws on The Elivator Door With His Nose Grease.

It’s hard for me to find anything on the internet that makes me laugh , but this!!!!!!  AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Source

 

A Mystery That Will Never Be Solved

This mystery has been plaguing me since I got married.

Well you see, before I got married I never did any laundry so I didn’t even know that this problem existed.

The mystery of the disappearing socks.

Seriously. When I collect the laundry MYSELF and wash it MYSELF and then dry it MYSELF  why is there always at least one orphan sock that does not have a brother (or a sister)?

Where do those socks go? Seriously people, WHERE?

The only theory I can think of is that there is a sock black hole in the washer or dryer that sucks the socks into a different dimension, and that black hole takes the socks to these peoples washing machines where these people are wondering :” Where the heck did this sock come from?”.

You know what would be nice? If these people only had one  foot because they would appreciate the mystery sock. If they had two feet then they would be like, WTF, why did I get this one stupid sock.

Despite this conundrum I always hold out hope of reuniting those orphans with their siblings and that’s why I established a sock orphanage where all those lonely mate-less socks reside in the hope of them being some day reunited with their siblings.

But the sad truth is that based on very reliable statistics the probability of those socks being reunited with their siblings is slim to none.

Little 7aki Mistifies Me!

Little 7aki LOVES to eat the following:

1) Shrimp. Yes, shrimp. She would eat pounds of it if I let her.

shrimp

2) Spinach. Which some adults don’ t even want to smell.

spinach

3) Brie cheese. Like , helloooooooo, who LIKES Brie cheese? Most people hate it. ( I love it)

brie

4) Ask her what’s your favorite vegtable and she will answer in a heart beat: Cauliflower

cauliflower_main

 

But tell her to taste a tomatoe and she will look at it as if it was the devil.

devil_tomato

Accidental Adultery

**Guest post by Bob** 

My wife and l were at a house party. There was food and drink and many people. The people were mostly my neighbours and all of them were couples. We got to the party around 9:00pm and l clung to my wife, so l wouldn’t have to have any meaningful conversation with other people. How many times can you talk about the weather or listen to stories about their wonderful spouse and wonderful kids and wonderful house and wonderful jobs and etc etc. I successfully managed to avoid people for a whole hour, when my wife had to go back home because our daughter woke up and won’t go back to sleep.

So my wife leaves and l’m left alone to fend for myself. I evaluate the party environment. There were at least 5 different conversation groups going on at the time – all chatting about how wonderful things were – so none that l wanted to get involved with. So l head to the bar to get a drink. As l’m getting a drink, the Neighbour lady says in a whispery voice: “Bob, can you please pour me a glass of white wine”. I oblige. I pour the neighbour lady a glass of wine. As l’m handing her the glass of wine, someone bumps me, and some wine spills over onto my fingers.
Neighbour lady says, “Waste not want not.” Then proceeds to take my fingers and put them in her mouth. The wine is expertly removed from my fingers and neighbour lady say ‘Thanks Bob” and leaves.

I was like ‘What just happened?” I think l stared at my fingers for a few seconds hoping they would reveal some answers – but none were forthcoming.

Kill me now or I’ll murder someone!!!!!! (Warning: Mature language)

There’s this lady at work who SINGS OUT LOUD with the fucking radio, could you for Fucks sake shut the Fuck up!!!!!

 I am raging right now, LOL, for real, she is soooooooooooo annyoing God help me, if I go postal I swear to God I am heading to her cubicle right away then I will shoot myself after.

 And by the way, she’s like at least , what? a 100 feet away? (William and Bob, is it 100?) and I can still fucking hear her.

 I HATE PEOPLE.

The Second life

I was watching a special show that talked about a virtual reality game / community called “The second life“.

It’s basically an application you install on your computer that allows you access to a virtual world where you can have a character that lives a second life virtually, your real actual life is referred to as your “First life”.

First you pick a first name then a last name from a list that is provided, then you pick the character you want to be, customize it, the height the weight the color of your eyes the clothes ,EVERYTHING , you create an identity.

You live in this virtual reality where you can buy a house, land, clothes, shoes, guns , even sex toys and anything you can imagine out there with money called Linden money which you buy with real money.

Second life is so convincing since in it you can get married , get a job , auction property on eBay. 

It’s free, naybody can join, but you can’t buy stuff if you don’t become a paying member.

It’s a community where it’s all virtual people with real people behind them. People are making a real living out of this and making a lot of money! Real money, the show featured a clothes designer that sells virtual clothes for 7 dollars a pop. She spends up-to 13 hours a day living in her second life!

I was freaked out, there are people who do not have a first life what so ever, they only have a second life as if it was all real.

I was fascinated and disgusted and sad all at the same time, I mean it’s cool if it was just for fun and games , imagine if I create a virtual 7aki Fadi and have an office and have Bob and William there… that would be hilarious and fun, but when you seize to have a first life and all day and night you live in your second life then , dude, you need therapy.

I went to check out the website and I saw they had a blog which had a guy announcing that he got married in his second life. Here is what he said:

“Hello! *smiles and waves* Because of stuff that’s happened in my Second Life, I’m in love and moving house in my First Life”

I clicked on the love link to go to flicker to see a picture of the happy couple

1560541904_3f4a2791b8_b.jpg


This is real for some people, this is their whole life, I was also amazed by the comments left on the photo:
” May your love grow as you’re blessed with many, many children!”
“It still amazes me what an effect that SL has with our lives. This romantic photo of you two makes me miss my girl even more.”

WOW, I don’t know what to say, have humans become so lonely and so depressed by real life to do this? I think I lost any hope for humanity after i saw this.

It reminds me of bambams post “Guys & Dolls…. I am scared for life now” .. shudder..