Guy Who Draws on The Elivator Door With His Nose Grease.

It’s hard for me to find anything on the internet that makes me laugh , but this!!!!!!  AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Source

 

The Reason Behind the Series Of Unfortunate Events

It was indeed PROVEN, with not a shadow of a doubt that all the trouble coming lately into my life is from the Evil eye .

It’s an eye I thought was the eye of a friend, but no, this eye turned out to be the eye of EVIL.

I from now on will call that person the Evil eye.

And believe it or not it is the eye of Bob. Are you shocked? I am beyond shocked! My foundations have been rocked.

Exhibit A: And I have all that in writing by the way.

Bob: I wish they have a lot of problems with your project so you can stay longer.

After my goodbye lunch , MY GOODBYE LUNCH, which HELLO, means GOODBYE, SEE YA, I get called to my managers office:

Manager: 7aki, we need you to stay on for an extra week.

At first I thought it was a coincidence, nah, Bob’s eye is a friend, it’s not Evil at all, so I shrug it off.

Exhibit B:

Bob: Oooooh,you’re so lucky you are working there, not like the hell hole I am in.

I get sick with a brain tumour , not really, but it felt like it.

I start to suspect Bob’s eye, but I again shrug it off.

Exhibit C:

I get called into my old job for a couple of days for consultation, what can I say, they love me there!

And Bob says: Ooooooh I am so excited.

At that point I wanted to punch Bob in the face, especially his eye.

But Alas; the final straw that PROVED beyond a reasonable doubt that Bobs eye is indeed Evil was yesterday which I was working from home.

Bob says, in email : I just went down for nice cold ice-cap with a shot of mocha! It is scorchin outside. Its nice you don’t have to commute.

Guess what happens? Not four hours after he sends his email, OUR AIR CONDITIONER BREAKS DOWN!!!!!!!

And quote” It is scorchin outside” end quote.

I rest my case.

And Bob is no longer my friend, especially his eye.

Rugsplosion?

So remember when I told you that Armageddon hit the 7aki household and everything turned into hell?

One of the things that happened was that the washing machine broke down and to continue a tradition of eggsplosion 1 and eggsplosion 2 baba 7aki decided to branch out a little into: Rugsplosion.

It was one beautiful cool summer night and Buddha might have, could have ,maybe, ate a little bit too much before going to bed because see, life to Buddha is a never-ending buffet; if there is food and she sees it, she is going to eat it.

So as we are putting her down in her crib to sleep we see the telltale signs of ” OMG RUN TO THE HILLS THE BABY IS GOING TO PUKE” she starts in the crib, we take her out and she continues to hurl on the bedroom carpet, maybe a little bit on the wall and finally on one of those really cute little circular Green Ikea rugs that have paw prints on them, awwwww.

Can't belive I found a picture of it online! It's like 6 years old. Paw prints, awwww

So this is the drill at the 7aki house hold if  Buddha or little 7aki pukes, I clean up the kid, bathe, change clothes and put them to sleep and baba 7aki cleans up … well…. everything else.

I just can’t do the cleaning, I would throw up right then and there, and instead of cleaning the baby’s vomit I have to clean up mine too.

Also I have to say Baba 7aki has built a system and he’s very efficient at it ( I don’t know why I giggle while I type this)  baba 7aki treats vomit cleaning very seriously, VERY SERIOUSLY.

Anyhoo, unbeknownst to me, baba 7aki dumps ALL the vomitty stuff in the washing machine INCLUDING that very cute, green, harmless rug, with the paw prints remember? awwwwww.

And then it explodes in the washing machine, all that is left of it is the mesh that holds the thread on the bottom. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Now baba 7aki doesn’t confess to his crime and he removes the remains of the rug from the washing machine, mind you, not ALL the remains. Then he mentions it in passing, like nothing was wrong about what he did,  that, oh , by the way, there was a rugspolsion in the washing machine.

I GAPE AT HIM, wanted to yell WHAT????? Who in their RIGHT MIND WOULD PUT A RUG IN the WASHING MACHINE??? Instead I made fun of him, hahahaha.

Anyhoo, 2 days later I run a load of laundry and SURPRISE the washer doesn’t work .

Guess what he does? He blames me for breaking it down!!!! Why? Because I didn’t remove ALL the green remains from the machine. There was none by the way.

Men.

I Should have yelled at him when the rugsplosion happened

PS: We had a guy come in and unclog the green stuff from the wahser and we made fun of baba 7aki, teaches him to blame me for breaking the washer.

Is It the Evil Eye or The Begining of the END?

There was a series of unfortunate events that just bombarded me in the past 3 weeks. It’s like I had a lot of bad things piled up waiting to hit me and BOOM they came one after the other.

– Started my new job but not really because my old job begged to keep me on for an extra week (they can’t live without me, hehehhe). My old job was pretty stressful, I’m talking S.T.R.E.S.S.F.U.L so I couldn’t wait to get out so when they asked me to stay an extra week I died a little  inside.

– Started working on new job for one day then got into a 3 day heavy-duty technical course, AND I GOT A MIGRAINE THE SECOND DAY. It took me 2 days to recover from that. So imagine I am trying to be so technical like and get a lot of technical info WHILE HAVING A SPLITTING HEADACHE.

– after the course I worked at my new job for one day.

– Then I GET SOOOOOOOOO SICK I don’t work for a whole week ,tangent, Thanks to web MD who I will call WEB ASS from now on I thought I had a brain tumor and I was going to die young and leave my children motherless, word to the wise, don’t use Dr. Google, IT”S EVIL, end of tangent. So again I could not start the THE NEW JOB I was DYING TO START. People, DYING to start, you don’t understand, did you hear me, DYING TO START IT.

– I go to my new job for one day.

– I come home all excited because , yay, I feel better, I had neglected my kids and house for the week because I was sick so let me feel more productive and do a load of laundry, and the EFFING WASHING MACHINE BREAKS DOWN. It fills with water, soaks the clothes and then would not drain, so I am in a dilemma, I can’t open the door or the laundry room would flood, so I bite the bullet, got a bucket, opened the door, and emptied the washer WITH AN EFFING CUP. yes you heard me, a CUP. I bailed the water out of the front loading washer cup by painful cup.

To add insult to injury we had to take our laundry to the neighbours to wash.

– The next day my notebook at work gets hit by a virus, a nasty, EVIL virus, so YAAAAAAAAAAY

– That same day I am still not %100 so I sleep on the train on my way back home AND I MISS MY STOP!!!! I had to take a cab from the OTHER train station to where I had parked my car. At least the cabby was a brother so I wished him a Ramadan Mubarak.

– The next day I go to withdraw some cash from the bank machine and the machine denies the card and asks me to go contact my bank. WHAT? I JUST GOTS PAIDZ. Turnes out someone stole my card info ( not the actual card) made a fake card and went on a shopping spree in Montreal, 404 dollars before the bank clued in it was not me, so I had to go to the bank to cancel my bank card , issue a temp one, and they are launching and investigation to get ma money back. I WANTZ MAZ MONEYZ BACKZ. Did all that on my lunch break

– I go back to work and I find an email from my old boss asking me to go help them out on something I worked on A MONTH AGO.

– I go home and go out to exercise on my roller blades to blow off some steam and I wipe out ON THE ASPHALT, and OUCH my arm still hurts.

How much more can a person handle people?

I need a drink, or something more powerful, like horse tranquilizer, ahhahahhaha.

Anyhoo I hope that this string of bad luck is all behind me because, hey, I had a good day today!!!!!!! FINALLY.

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So you know why the washing machine broke? Stay tuned for the next post because you will pee your pants when you know why.

Not a Happy Ending in Sight: A Fine Balance

I have never in my life read a book so full of despair, every time you think there is hope and your spirits lift you turn the page and you get  crushed by the reality of life.

And yet I could not stop reading “A Fine Balance “ or stop turning the pages so fast.

The book tells the story of four different people who struggle through life in India during the 1947  Emergency called by Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi. Dina Dalal, Ishvar Darji, his nephew Omprakash and Maneck .

Dina comes from a well to do family, her struggle is for independence so she does not have to rely on her brother to live

Ishvar and Omprakash struggle , and I have to say the most, to overcome their Chamar Caste and the status of being untouchables . Their story is heart breaking and haunting and just plain WRONG, makes me angry to think some people have to go through what they went through.

And Maneck who never had to go through a hard day in his life struggles with his  identity, his relationship with his father and the feeling that he can’t measure  up to his father’s expectations.

Each of these characters have a different struggle and I often wanted to smack some sense in Dina , Maneck and Ishvar because I felt some of the struggles they went through could have been avoided and  are unnecessary but none the less felt for them and wanted them to succeed .

Not a lot of books leave me thinking beyond a week after reading and this book did. The characters came to life and I felt their pain beyond the pages and I felt they were real people and I wanted them to be happy . It’s been 3 weeks since I read it and the story still haunts me.

This book is cruel and depressing and AMAZING,  a life-changing read, and one that I would be truly sorry to see anyone miss out on.

You have to, HAVE TO, read this book, all 624 pages of it.

Currently reading: An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon

Read more of my reviews here.

On Coming Back to Work and Such

So I am back in the work force and it took me a record 3 days to realize that although I am excited to be back at work and that I missed it there is a list of things that I have not missed:

1) Committing every speeding violation to drop little 7aki off to the daycare and still make the train that would get me to work at a reasonable time because sauntering in at 9:30 and leaving at 4:00 is apparently “Not Kosher”.

I am pretending that this is my car

I am pretending that this is my car

2) Still wanting to bitch slap the train riders. HELLOOOOO, news flash, I HAVE PERSONAL SPACE MOFOS, please don’t pretend that I am not sitting in front of you and your STUPID EFFING PURSE is touching my legs, move it Beeeatch.

.
And to you who are sitting next to me, NO , it’s not OK to keep moving your STUPID ELBOWS and touch me every once in a while.

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And to you back pack carrier. Who , in this day and age, STILL carries a back pack? You are out of elementary school, you should upgrade to different kind of bag …  but I digress. When you are walking to get to your seat please  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD carry your back pack with your hand because honestly I don’t like to be smacked in the head with a MOFO back pack.

Everybody is invading my personal space

Everybody is invading my personal space

3) The crazies on the subway and street.
Need I say more.
There are LOTS OF THEM in down town Toronto for some reason. In the suburbs we truly live in a cocoon.

OMG there is a guy who looks EXACTLY like that, minus the detonator

OMG there is a guy who looks EXACTLY like that, minus the detonator

4) You know what is sadder than all of the above? That at this point I hadn’t made it to work yet.

killme

This is me when I reach work

5) I like the work part.

6) And then rinse and repeat all of the above in reverse order to get back home.

How i feel but instead of rocks there are trains, people and crazies falling on my head

How I feel but instead of rocks there are trains, people and crazies falling on my head

How Shameful!

How dare women in Saudi try to be healthy and exercise. These women have NO SHAME.

Get a load of this, Women only gyms are being shut down in Saudi Arabia as a result of the government only licensing gyms for men.

When is someone going to stop these people. I cannot believe the ignorance and stupidity of these scholars. And why are the Saudis not doing anything about it? What will happen if they rebbel. I really wonder.

Hat tip Nzingha keep on being shameless.