Overheard at the Office: Birthdays and Butter Chicken

7aki: The case of the deadly butter Chicken

Bob:  Hahahahaha – Are you gonna read it?

7aki:  If you buy it I will borrow it from you.

Bob:  I thought you might get it for me – for my birthday.

7aki:  Which is in April.

Bob:  Awwww you remembered – the month. Bonus Bob points if you know the date.

7aki:  The 20th?  Or the 14th

Bob:  No bonus points for you. I know Mar 2 is someone’s birthday

7aki:  You have it in your Iphone.  The 19th? Was I even close?

Bob:

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7aki:  HAHAHAHA.   But Awwww, what a cute baby.   The 12th?

Bob:  Just so that l’m clear on where l my relative importance ranking, please tell me you know  Ambigous Help Desk dudes Birthday? office loud mouth? Burper?

7aki:  When the f**k is your birthday.

Bob:  I should just adopt the day you thought was my birthday as my birthday. I’m now doubting my own birthdate.

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7aki:  I said 14th the first time! That was really close, and then I said the 12th??? So I knew it was between the 10th and the 20th.

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Bob:  Hahahahaha…. close enough from you is the equivalent of I love you from most people. I’ll take that.

Overheard at the Office: The One Percent.

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Bob:  The 7aki’s are part of the 1 percent

7aki: Holllaaaaaaa.  But why does the 99 percent go on more vacations?

Bob: Two reasons:

1-      To escape a horrible day to day life

2-      They don’t have jobs that have responsibility

7aki:  So if you have more money you have less time to enjoy it. SOOOOOO IRONIC! Best case scenario, Baba 7aki makes lots of money and I quit my job to enjoy it!

Bob:  I think you have the answer!!!  I don’t want to work.

7aki:  Your lucky wife is not working.

Bob:  My wife does it all…but that is the problem. Trying to have it all, makes it stressful. Even my mother has told me to tell her to relax – cuz she will die early and leave me a widower.

7aki:  A widower to marry someone younger Aaaahahahahahahahahahha.

Bob:  Hahahahaha…. l should take out a bigger insurance policy!  Is there anything sacred that WE won’t joke about?

I’d Rather Be Poor

Bob: Its only 9:36 AM and wifey just called me from a store and wants to buy 2 patio lounge chairs. $120 Dollars . done .

7aki: Hahahaha

Bob: Who the eff goes to the store this early. The staff are probably saying what the eff!

7aki : She’s on a mission. You should buy that BMW you always wanted before your wife spends all your money.

Bob: You are right!

After a short pause..

Bob: Also, we have a complete patio set. We don’t need more shit!

7aki: You know what you should do? For every amount she spends on shit you don’t need take an equal amount and put it in a savings acount; call it “car fund”.

After another short pause..

7aki:  But, why don’t you just say: NO, don’t buy it.

Bob: Then l have to deal with an unhappy person; I’d rather be poor.

7aki: Words of wisdom my friend; the shit you say needs to be quoted somewhere!

Double Douchy

(A guest post by Bob)

I hate my job so much that l’d rather spend time detailing inane conversations l have….

Sunday night, wife and l are at the park sitting on the bench watching the kids play. My cellphone rings and l quickly take a look at the call display and promptly put it back in my pocket – deciding not to answer the call. It was from a friend that l can only talk with if I’m drunk or in extremely great mood – cuz the conversation is always me, me and some more me.

Wife says to me aren’t you gonna answer the call?

I say “Not really in the mood”

Wife responds ‘Not answering calls is the douchiest (is this even a word?) thing l know that you do. If someone has taken the time to call, why don’t you just answer?”

So l tell her, “You got this all wrong, the telephone is for my convenience, not the callers. I pay extra each month for the convenience of call display so l can filter.”

Wife says ‘I still think its douchy. In fact your reasoning is douchy. So its double douchy. So what do you think you do is considered douchy?”

So before l responded, l thought of all the real douchy things l do but couldn’t tell her….

– getting text from wife saying how much she misses me and then responding likewise (but l wasn’t)

– getting text from wife saying ‘Thinking of you’ and then responding likewise (but I wasn’t thinking of her at that moment)

– I think l’m superior cuz l watch more intellectual movies and read deeper books than her

I thoughtfully considered my options and l went for the funny response. I said ‘The douchiest thing l do is l clean vagina! ‘

I thought it was funny but she didn’t. So l quickly came up with another answer that l thought would result in the least amount of person injury.

“I avoid coworkers on their last day to avoid awkward goodbyes”

She says ‘That is douchy”

So, what douchy things do you do?

 

Touché

7aki: Life is a bitch.

Bob: Life wouldn’t be such a bitch if you come up here for lunch. (Up here is really far from where 7aki works)

7aki: How about we meet half way? Name that song.

Bob: Black eyed peas.

Uptown girl you’re So far away so we’ll Meet you in the middle (name those songs)!

When can you make it?

Monday Monday
Ruby Tuesday
Wednesday (couldn’t think of a song)
Thursday (couldn’t think of a song)
Freaky Friday

Can you tell I’m bored.

7aki: Billy Joel and Tyler Kyte?

Lisa Loeb – Tails – Waiting for Wednesday
Lotus – Beautiful Day – Six Weeks Till Wednesday
Jimmy Eat World – Jimmy Eat World – Wednesday
Tori Amos – Scarlet’s Walk – Wednesday

David Bowie – Hours – Thursday’s Child
Rollins Band – Come In And Burn – Thursday Afternoon

Also

Sunday Bloody Sunday
Come Monday
Tuesdays Gone
Friday I’m in Love
Saturday Nights All Right for Fighting

What about the new Friday Firday song? So popular, and the singer is a sister of yours :p

I am more bored than you man.

Bob: LOL – I don’t think Friday Friday girl is a sister – I think she is Latino
I think l’m bored more. I am bored about being bored.

7aki: I am so bored of listening to you say how you are bored about being bored. LOL

Bob: You win.
Now I’m officially bored to death.

7aki: Well I died of boredom and was brought back to life; that experience was boring.

Bob: I listened to one of Stan’s (name changed to protect the innocent) stories recapping an episode from old British sci-fi series that no one in north America has heard of.

7aki: I heard you talking about listening to one of Stan’s stories recapping an episode from old British sci-fi series that no one in north America has heard of and that bored me even more

Bob: You win again. But l’m too bored to care.

7aki: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Touché

I am so bored I looked up the word in Wiki

 

Cat-astrophe

** A contribution by Bob**

Topper didn’t come to work today because………..<spinning the wheel of excuses, where she stops nobody knows>……. “Her cat had to have emergency surgery”

The amazing part was nobody knew she had a cat. And Topper talks non-stop about herself so its strange this cat has never come up in conversation. Also, Topper never mentions the cat by name.

Topper update: Senior management has been so thoroughly impressed by Topper’s work, that Topper has been given the responsibility of managing the organization’s biggest and most expensive project.

Accidental Adultery

**Guest post by Bob** 

My wife and l were at a house party. There was food and drink and many people. The people were mostly my neighbours and all of them were couples. We got to the party around 9:00pm and l clung to my wife, so l wouldn’t have to have any meaningful conversation with other people. How many times can you talk about the weather or listen to stories about their wonderful spouse and wonderful kids and wonderful house and wonderful jobs and etc etc. I successfully managed to avoid people for a whole hour, when my wife had to go back home because our daughter woke up and won’t go back to sleep.

So my wife leaves and l’m left alone to fend for myself. I evaluate the party environment. There were at least 5 different conversation groups going on at the time – all chatting about how wonderful things were – so none that l wanted to get involved with. So l head to the bar to get a drink. As l’m getting a drink, the Neighbour lady says in a whispery voice: “Bob, can you please pour me a glass of white wine”. I oblige. I pour the neighbour lady a glass of wine. As l’m handing her the glass of wine, someone bumps me, and some wine spills over onto my fingers.
Neighbour lady says, “Waste not want not.” Then proceeds to take my fingers and put them in her mouth. The wine is expertly removed from my fingers and neighbour lady say ‘Thanks Bob” and leaves.

I was like ‘What just happened?” I think l stared at my fingers for a few seconds hoping they would reveal some answers – but none were forthcoming.